


Where it went wrong

by Malec_shadows



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec is heartbroken, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blaming, Boys In Love, Crying, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fashion Designer Magnus Bane, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Lawyer Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec, Medical Conditions, Show malec, Will have your happy ending but it will take years to fix, but not malec's, camille is fashion designer as well, camille tries to come between malec, emotional drama, family law firm, isabelle is fashion desinger, magnus is confused, marraige
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:24:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malec_shadows/pseuds/Malec_shadows
Summary: When an evil bitch comes in between a long-term relationship of magnus and alec, magnus gets easily manipulated by her charm and false hopes which leads to their breakup. Alec is heartbroken, magnus is moving on, quickly which makes alec think if magnus ever loved him.Will alec be single for lifetime, or will he be moving on with someone else.Or will they be lucky enough to find their love for each other again, will alec be able to forgive magnus for giving up on his that easily.The journey of rediscovering love thorough the stages of life.[On hold!!]





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there angels!  
> Well tell me if you like the first chapter!  
> and yes, you will hate Camille in this fic.  
> Hope you enjoy the story
> 
> Also  
> join me on Instagram where i update my stories regularly  
> name malec_shadows5  
> Again my native language isn't english, so there are going to be lot of grammatical errors, please understand.  
> Thank you!!!

“I hate you… I hate you…I hate you so much” Alec said hitting Magnus on his shoulders, not aggressively but only to show how much he hated the situation.

 

His voice was cracking and body was shivering. Magnus ignored Alec hitting him and went ahead only to take Alec into a tight hug. He buried himself in Alec’s neck.

"I know Alec, I know" he whispered...as he heard Alec sobbing. "I want you to be happy, whether it is with me or someone else" he simply added, slowly running his hands on Alec’s back to comfort him. Alec tightly rounded his hands around Magnus’s waist, not wanting to let Magnus go, Magnus can sense tears falling from Alec’s eyes, as he continued to sob…and very well knew that he was the reason of Alec’s tears.

"I am going to be so happy that you will be jealous of my life" Alec replied through his sobs, even though the situation was not suited for making a chuckle Magnus can’t help himself, he chuckled after hearing Alec saying this and he wanted Alec to know how much he want the same for him to.

It was hard for them, more for Magnus but it was kind of his fault too, so when Alec found love again, he had no choice but respect Alec’s decision and support him. And today, his Alexander...sorry, now Jamie's Alec was getting married and he should be happy for him, but he wasn't. He was trying hard to be there for his oldest friend in any way possible, but he can’t ignore the fact that Alec was going to be someone else’s for the rest of the life. And some kind of aching pain was there in his heart, he wanted to go back, go back to the day where it all started, where they started to drift away from each other, wanted to change the past…but he can’t. He made a mistake and they both have paid for it, he just need to live with this.

 

Izzy was watching them through the window, she was gown up enough to know that sneaking though a window to listen a personal conversation was a bad…bad thing, but she couldn't help, she wanted to know what Magnus have got to say to Alec, after all these year why was he trying to talk with him. But, after seeing her brother breaking in his ex’s arm made Izzy’s eyes wet as well.

\--

Seeing back now, she tried to remember, how they got themselves into this situation…situation where they weren’t marrying each other but it was her brother who was marrying someone else. She hated the situation so much…no matter how much she wanted it to change, she knew what Alec was doing…and she respected his choice, however she always believed Magnus and Alec are forever.

\--

_Few years back._

“Who are they” a very beautiful girl, dark hairs, shiny lips, curious eyes…asked Izzy. She was new to the city and was Isabelle’s colleague in New York’s best fashion line. So Izzy decided to take her to the club, where her gang met as usual…on every Saturday night. It was actually nice, that girl was cool and had a very great fashion sense, if she continues to get new ideas, she can beat Magnus as well…that’s what Izzy thought, as the new colleague had a very perfect week and their boss praised her for her new ideas.

Currently she was looking at a couple…which was sitting on the couch at the corner…and kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. The shorter guy was sitting on the others lap…with his tongue deep into other’s throat…everyone else took it as like it was normal for them, like it was a daily, usual thing.

Izzy introduced the new girl to others, as both guy were too busy kissing each other, she didn’t bother to introduce them…but the girl asked her with curiosity pointing towards the couple, the way they were lost in each other, that may have intrude her to know about them so she asked Izzy, hoping that she will give answer. Izzy groaned looking at them, before replying.

“Those two idiots there are Magnus and Alec” Izzy replied, rolling her eyes “forgive their behavior dear…when they are together, they tend to forget about the other world, it’s like they are in their own little world” she replied and Jace poked on taller one’s shoulder to take him out of their own oblivion.

“What” the taller one hissed as he glared at Jace for disturbing his heavenly time.

“We have a new member here” Jace said and Alec looked at the girl nodding as she smiled at him and diverted her gaze towards the other. Magnus came back from his dizziness due to kissing and turned to look at the girl…he was still on Alec’s lap with hands strongly rounded around Alec’s neck and Alec was holding him strongly by his hips. He smiled at her…as Alec saw something in that girl’s eyes…was she smirking?

“Magnus” Magnus introduced himself giving his charming smile…and Alec was sure that the girl blushed after Magnus gave his hand for the intro.

“Camille” she replied confidently…and even though Alec didn’t want to admit that it hurt when Magnus gave small kiss on her extended hand and she had more reason to blush. Alec possessively pulled Magnus into a kiss; once Magnus was turning to him…he sensed a surprised gasp out of Magnus’s mouth due to sudden kissing, but still Magnus melted into the kiss. They put on the show for almost next five-six minutes, tasting each other’s mouth and occasionally necks.

“Ignore them” Clary said, who was standing next to Izzy and giggling at the disgusting faces Jace was making after seeing the couple openly making out “they just like to kiss each other a lot…you will get used to it”

\--

Camille observed them closely for few more minutes…and it seemed like she already had her eyes for Magnus, the way she was taking his view from up and down and it was obvious that she will try her best to get him, whether it is for a night or two-three years will work as well. Now, she just had one obstacle in her way…Alec.

But she thought it was not a big deal for her as she had made her mind and she was fabulous…any guy would be fool not to get attracted to her…she already liked Magnus a lot…his slim figure and attractive face was all she wanted to taste. And the guessing from the looks Magnus gave to her before; she assumed that Magnus might be interested in women as well. Or at least she was hoping for that.

“So, tell me” she asked Izzy who was busy talking with simon “are they always like this?” she asked looking at Alec and Magnus, who were now busy in the conversation, Magnus was telling Alec something, gesturing through his hands while he looked ahead, but Alec’s whole gaze was on Magnus and Camille can see actual heart shape in Alec’s eyes, that made her puke, so she took her eyes away from them quickly.

“Yeah…pretty much” Izzy replied, instantly getting bored of the question “No…I remember them being all shy and adorable when they were into their very start of the relationship…but now it seems like a lifetime ago…they are together since high school...inseparable...that's the best word to describe them" Izzy said and even though it felt like she was kind of irritated with their behavior, there was glint of proudness in her eyes, Camille can totally see that. And after seeing that only, she made her mission to win Magnus. at first, she thought how evil her plan was, thinking Magnus as some kind of trophy, she wanted to win...but then looking at Magnus she smirked, ogling him upside down, once again...yeah definitely a trophy one could fight for. And it seemed like she made a decision in her little evil head. But again she glanced at Alec, and about the hundreds of plans to get rid of him and be that person to Magnus.

\--

After some time, Magnus got up from Alec’s lap...he needed a drink. Even coming in the club about a half hour ago, all he did was heavy make out with Alec, told Alec how his day was and listened to Alec while Alec complained about the new case he got and how hard it could be to win, and now he just wanted to have a drink before going back to the business. When he was about to turn and go to the bar, Alec held his hand by wrist

"Are you running from me" Alec asked giving Magnus his signature pout for what Magnus was crazy about. Magnus moved forward and kissed away his little pout as he felt Alec smiling in the kiss. This devil, knows how to get a kiss! Magnus pulled back and chuckled after looking at Alec who was grinning at him idiotically with his eyes half closed, hand playing with Magnus’s.

"I would never dream of that" he replied smiling charmingly at Alec. "I just want a drink...I'll order a beer for you as well" Magnus said as he very well knew Alec was a beer guy. Alec got up after hearing Magnus.

"Don't worry...I'll buy a drink for you...you are tired with all the work load you are having" Alec replied and Magnus knew he was right...you all know how this fashion industry works, especially when they had this fashion show around this months...so yeah, Magnus was overworking and he got very less time to spend with Alec, but still Alec understood him completely and took care of him. He again thought how lucky he was to have such caring boyfriend.

"Okay darling" Magnus said and Alec gave him kiss on cheek before going to get them a drink.

As soon as Alec went to the bar...Magnus was approached by the new group member. She was beautiful, yes, Magnus noticed, but nowhere compared to Alec...Magnus smiled at her as she spoke to him

\--

“One beer and a martini please” Alec placed his order and was waiting when his sister decided to disturb him. She was having this devious smirk on her face and Alec knew that whatever she was thinking wasn’t good. He let out the sigh and gave unimpressed look to his sister.

“So…dear brother” she said placing her hand over Alec’s shoulder…she was looking at the direction where Magnus and Camille were talking “when are you going to make him officially your man?” she asked and it took Alec a moment to realize what she was asking. In lot of way, that made sense. They both have been together for now 8-9 years and were madly in love. So where was problem marrying to the man of his dreams? But they weren’t even moved in, means practically they were living together…but they never talked about that…they just accepted it like it was normal thing in their life. Alec still had his other things in his parents’ house…but most of his things, like the necessary one’s were at Magnus’s and he hardly went to his old house. Because of these reason Alec never let that thought explore though his mind. He was simply ok with the things were. Or was he?

"I don't know, I mean we haven't even moved in together" Alec said, there was uncertainty in his eyes...he wanted more always more. But being with Magnus who was super serious about his career, he never let these thoughts even get noticed to Magnus. So, yeah, they were taking thing slow...too slow that even after 9 years of dating they weren’t even living together, if we see technically.

"You haven’t?" Izzy asked, blinking at Alec as if Alec was telling her a lie. Though, it wasn't her fault to think like that, everyone in the group thought that they were married, because they behaved like that. But deep inside Alec knew he and Magnus needed to have serious talk about them, their relationship. They never had these serious talks, just the way they were seeing each other, it seemed like enough for Alec at the point and he thought Magnus was on the same page as well. But now he needed to have a serious talk with Magnus about them.

“I-I mean we are happy as things going on with us right now…with Magnus’s work and me being super busy running our law firm...we never got the time to talk” he answered Izzy who was waiting for him to respond. “Besides, we will marry someday…it’s not like we are going somewhere” he replied and tried to convince her same as he convinces himself that Magnus will not go anywhere, because he wasn’t planning to.

He was so sure of them being forever, that he was blind to see maybe there are some people who would like to have Magnus or rather himself. Izzy blindly stared at him and it looked like he was confused or seeing Alec like an idiot.

“Still” she said sipping form her glass “I think you both need to take next step…don’t you think so?”

Alec nodded, Izzy was right and he decided to talk with Magnus about it as soon as he stops being coward and finds some guts to talk with Magnus about it. Where was the loss in simply talking about the things he wanted to have with his boyfriend, maybe Magnus was thinking the same and he will totally understand and if things go well they can get married within a year. Only thinking about getting married to Magnus made his heart flutter and he sensed this known happiness inside him, like it was his only dream…to marry Magnus. Of course, in his teen days he had planned different ways, in which he will get married to Magnus, he had actually fantasized it in their early twenties, but lately he wasn’t letting his mind to think about it. But now the topic is in front of him, thanks to his sister, he knew he isn’t going to dream about their future wedding day tonight. He smiled at Izzy, as he made his mind about talking with Magnus, whatever he was feeling.

“Yeah…you are right…I should”

“Don’t worry Alec, everything will be fine” Izzy reassured him, maybe she saw some uncertainty in his eyes, that’s why “Magnus loves you”

And how only one sentence made him feel, he could never explain. He remembered the first time Magnus telling him that he loves him and he is proud of him, it was right after them getting graduating and Alec leaving for further studying to abroad. He remembered them making love for the first time after that, the thought made him blush, they were messy…being each other’s first. He remembered how they promised each other that they will keep in touch and never leave each other. And how they kept their promise, after Alec graduating from college, he came directly to see Magnus and gave Magnus one of the best days of his life. He remembered each and every little details of their relationship, they were made for each other.

He was grinning widely due to the memories he were having and of course, his sister was staring at him as if he was some kind of an idiot. He shoved his hand towards Izzy and took those drinks only to make his way towards Magnus.

\--

“Hi there, handsome” Magnus heard the new girl calling him as soon as Alec went to buy drinks for them. “Enjoying the evening” she asked throwing her black and thick hairs back of her shoulder…showing her perfect neck.

Magnus cleared his throat…and ignored to look at her, because damn she was beautiful.

“Yeah” he replied and looked at Alec who was busy talking with Isabelle.

“I have heard a lot about you” she continued despite Magnus’s ignoring reply, he of course had noticed the way she was staring him up and down and he didn’t want to give her any encouraging impression so he was trying hard to ignore her, but the girl seemed not to take a clue, and went on and on telling Magnus things he already knew.

“Your designs are simply stunning…I, myself am a designer...but my work is nowhere compared to yours” and there it was, a single praise and Magnus was gone. He still didn’t understand how someone praising him made that much impact on him. But he liked to hear. He smiled brightly at Camille and Camille smirked, because she felt like her plan was working.

“Thank you…but it’s nothing really” he replied, shoving his hand freely as if it was nothing, deep down he was proud of himself and the praise he was getting from everyone. He has worked hard for almost his whole life to get at the point where he was today. Being an orphan then working day night to get a scholarship in well reputed school, he had fought a lot in his life and all the praises made him happy and proud.       

“Oh, c’mon Magnus” Camille said keeping her hand on Magnus’s thigh which simply looked unfriendly and Magnus shrugged due to the gesture giving Camille small but nervous smile “Who makes his own fashion line which is hit enough to compete with new York’s biggest fashion line, at this age?” she asked and Magnus sensed that now she was trying her hard to get his all attention “you are way amazing than other’s” she said and Magnus nodded thanking her. He just prayed Alec will come and save him from this entire thing going on.

As she saw Magnus wasn’t replying, but he was glancing at Alec she further continued “I would like to show you some” she said running her hand playfully below her neck, Magnus looked at her with wide eyes, like what the hell was she implying as she took a pause after saying ‘some’ he cleared his throat and again looked anywhere but her. It was hard to admit that whatever she was playing, it was working really well, since suddenly Magnus felt temperature rising in the club. “Some of my designs, if you are free” she finally completed her sentence and Magnus let out breathy voice, okay so she want to talk about her designs.

“I am sure, you company don’t allow to share the works with the opponent” he said, which was truth; their companies were rivals and why would any employee want to share those designs with the rivals; he was going to say no when Camille talked again.

“Oh, no…that isn’t a problem” she said getting closer and closer to Magnus “It will be our little secret” she whispered in Magnus’s ears and suddenly Magnus shivered due to sudden contact, he wasn’t sure she was talking about her designs anymore, but till the touch felt good…but it wasn’t fair to Alec, right after remembering Alec…he pushed her back, she stumbled back a little, Magnus looked at her with eyebrows arched up and tried to be calm and contained.

“I am a taken man” he explained, trying to be as calm as he can “So, I better suggest you to keep your distance from me” he said and got up walking towards Alec who already was making his way to Magnus with their drinks.

 

Alec frowned after seeing Magnus upset, he glanced at Camille, with whom he saw Magnus talking right before he came towards Alec, Magnus took a martini from Alec and gulped in one go. Something was definitely wrong.

He cupped Magnus’s face, keeping his beer bottle down; also he forced Magnus to look into his eyes.

“Hey baby, look at me please…what’s wrong?” he asked gently and it looked like Magnus was in his own thoughts “Did she say something?” Alec asked and he started to get angry, only by the thought that the new girl tried to harm Magnus, and now Magnus was sad. He was about to leave and give her a warning, but Magnus’s stopped him by reaching Alec’s hand.

“It’s nothing…can we just go home” he asked and Alec’s eyes softened after hearing home. He nodded and giving final glare at the girl, whose name he forgot, he wrapped his arms around Magnus’s shoulders protectively before guiding him towards the exit.

\--

“How dare he” she said gritting her teeth’s.

Camille cursed silently, after Magnus’s rejection…her body was boiling with anger. No one, no one had ever made her feel this rejected when she was the one throwing her onto Magnus. And how dare him to reject her only for his toy, she glared at him as Magnus spoke to Alec and took his hand, going towards the exit.

So, she needed to take revenge for this, she will make Magnus fell in love with her and then she will dump him. She made her mission to make Alec and Magnus’s life miserable.

“You will be paying for this, bane” she said quietly.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello people!  
> don't hate me after this chapter!!

The next encounter Magnus had with Camille was when he was taking his coffee from the Starbucks.

He was already running late, as he got late home yesterday and tried to spend some time talking with Alec over drinks.

He remembered how they got this alone time after so many days.  He was in his personal world that he missed a couple of statements Camille was saying.  
"Magnus" she repeated and then only he came out of his day dreaming.

He blinked at her,she was smiling brightly at Magnus he also smiled back at her. But his smile faded away as he remembered what Camille tried to do with him, so he nodded at her before turning back to leave without hearing any further from her.

"Magnus, hey, wait" she said, keeping her hand on  Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus turned to look at her and made a glare in the direction where she had kept her hands. Camille must have sensed how uncomfortable he must be looking, so, she took away her hand from him.

"I-I just wanted to say sorry" Camille said eventually and Magnus scanned her face to see if she was lying to him or something, but sincerity was the only thing he saw in her eyes, she had apologized, that's right. So, he now needs to think about what should be done, should he be friendly with her? Or he should keep his distance from her; she tried to be close with him for one time, what if she tried to do the same, again.

For what he has known from his past experiences, is that Alec was a possessive type, more than Magnus was.  He wasn’t worried about himself, but Camille should be scared if she ever thinks of making a move on Magnus as he very well knew Alec.  On the night of Magnus’s college graduation ceremony. Magnus was celebrating with his friends, Alec promised him that he will attain the ceremony, but his flight got delayed and he only had time to make to that party, so Alec came right after landing... only to see one of Magnus’s friend forcing himself on Magnus.  And only seeing that made him lose his control so much that Alec punched the hell out of that guy.  
So, yeah, Camille should be worried if she thinks of making a move on Magnus.

As Magnus wasn't saying anything, after her apology, Camille spoke again.

"I know, I crossed my boundaries that evening," she explained further,"I really shouldn't have, so I am really sorry."

  
Magnus sighed, what he was supposed to say now. He saw Camille smiling nervously at him, and he decided not to stretch this subject any further. He found sincerity in her apology, so he smiled at her.

"It-Its fine," Magnus replied,"just don't do anything like that again."

“Yeah, of course,”  she replied,  “I am really… really sorry”  she repeated “let me make up to you  by getting you your favourite” she said as she headed towards counter without hearing a reply from Magnus. After few minutes she was back with a cup of coffee.

“Vanilla late” Magnus said after Camille handing him the cup of coffee “my favourite, did you know or it was just a lucky guess,”  he asked with curiosity.

"Please Magnus," she said guiding Magnus to the nearest table. "You are kind of my idol; I do follow you and watch your interviews, so I pretty much have knowledge about your preference"

Magnus was getting proud of himself; he didn't know, but he pretty much understood what effect Camille’s praises made on him. He smirked while sipping coffee from the cup and completely forgetting about running late to the work. This girl was surely having an effect on him.

After they were done with their coffee, they were standing outside the shop.

"I should really leave now" he said looking into his wrist watch "And I am already late for the work" he said as his own eyes widened after seeing the time. It's been an hour and he never knows where time fled while having a chat with Camille.

"Ok, sure"  Camille said having that beautiful smile on her face.

“Thanks for the coffee” he said before running towards his own car.

\----

Magnus was in the middle of the party that one of his important clients hosted and this was pretty big thing for Magnus as he earned tons from this particular client. And this was the only time it irritated him that Alec wasn't present here, that he forgot about the party about which Magnus has told him about like thousand times. Yes, it was all noted that Alec hated parties and never attended any of Magnus’s businesses parties but Magnus had told him how important this was for him and he needed Alec by his side, and he wasn't.

Alec always did this, took Magnus for granted, like he had made his mind about Magnus staying with him forever that he doesn’t bother to take interest in Magnus’s happiness anymore. He groaned and checked his phone again, to look if Alec had messaged him, but again the notifications were empty.

"wellwellwell...someone looks dashing in that suit" he heard someone speaking to him and turned his head to look who it was and Camille came into his view. She was smiling brightly at Magnus and Magnus also returned her smile, gazing her up and down. She herself was looking stunning in that red dress of hers and Magnus remembered designing that. Yeah, definitely, she was wearing  something that Magnus made. He tried to remember last time Alec did something like that, like he willingly wore something that Magnus made for him, and he couldn't remember.

Again, there...there was another proof that Alec didn't take him seriously as much as Magnus thought he did. He tried to take all those horrible  thoughts out of his mind and focused on Camille instead.

"Why thank you my dear" he replied politely to Camille, she was stunning that’s what Magnus thought after seeing her in that dress. 

"And nice choice of the dress, the designer must be quite talented...I wonder who he is" he said widely grinning at Camille who picked up Magnus’s teasing tone and decided to go along with it. She smirked before taking a seat besides Magnus.

"Oh, you don’t know half of it... he is very talented and handsome as well, if you ask me" she said, and Magnus wasn't fool not to know the flirting game, he was sure that Camille is flirting with him and he also knew it was very wrong but he liked this, the extra attention.

It was not like Alec didn't give him one, he really did. Whenever they were in a single room with or without their friends Alec gave Magnus his undivided attention. But this was something else, maybe because he was feeling like this after those many years, maybe because he is being with only one person for ages, maybe he needs to get back into the game.

Whether Magnus realizes it or not, but he couldn't remember the person he was before getting in a relationship, a relationship he wasn't sure if were getting anywhere. He sighed trying to get those thoughts out of his mind. It was a party and instead of sulking about his boyfriend not being here, he should enjoy, like he always did. He turned to Camille, who already was looking at him, rather checking him out, and he didn't find that a bit offending, he gave her a smile.

"Where is your date?  If I may ask," Camille asked Magnus at some point in the middle of dance floor. 

Yeah, somewhere in the party, when Magnus got bored, he told Camille that he is going to the dance floor and she replied that she is happy to join him. So, here they are dancing happily. While Magnus is trying to keep the distance between them friendly, Camille seems to have different plans, but she backs off when Magnus gently pushes her back, telling that she is in fact violating his personal space. Maybe she got carried away with the flow, that’s why she came close, that’s what Magnus thought.

So, he continued to dance and just shrugged a bit when he was asked about his date. Well, what should he tell her, that his boyfriend is too busy and boring to attain the party with him? He shook his head, laughing nervously.

"He is at work" he replied though his tone was cold and distant but he felt that Camille didn't take it as she continued to ask Magnus about Alec.

"Well, it’s rare to see two people loving each other the way you two do" she said loudly enough that Magnus could hear over the music played at the background. " You two are really lucky"

"yeah"  Magnus could only reply this as he was again taken with the thoughts that was he really this lucky?  Or this was just his illusion that he is in love with Alec and that is why he is happy?  He was getting confused by his own thoughts and knew nothing can cheer him up.  So, he decided to retire for the night.  He said his goodbyes to the hosts and to Camille as well, who insisted to drop Magnus home. 

ButMagnus refused as he had brought his car. She then hugged him saying she was glad to have a great friend like him and he just nodded at her sensing some fluttering in his stomach which he hasn’t experienced since few years.

He really tried to ignore the feeling as he was driving home and consider giving attention on driving than on his feeling. It was much true that this was not going to end well; he will either hurt Alec or let himself hurt.

But Camille seemed really great and she was from Magnus’s field. She understood him completely and his work as well, which Alec never did, or never tried at least. Again, his mind was shifting on the comparison of Alec and Camille. This wasn’t great, at all.

After he got home, he saw his boyfriend already has drifted to sleep without even bothering to wait for Magnus to come home and ask how was his day. The recent days went the same, Magnus would come home and see Alec sleeping due to the work load and tiredness, most of the times he understood, but now it was getting on his nerves.

They didn’t have time to spend with each other, how are they going to spend their entire life like this? They both didn’t deserve this; Alec deserved someone who will be having time on his side to take care of him as did Magnus. He sighed and went to sleep next to Alec, without making sound so he couldn’t wake him up.

Looking back, he couldn’t remember their last date, they hung out with their friends and that’s the most of the time they got with each other, which was shame. He didn’t know why they started to become like this, but this was causing a big problem for them.

\---

Alec saw the bed was empty as he woke up in the morning, and he wondered if Magnus even came home last night. He sighed and checked his phone, if there are any messages from Magnus, but there were none. He dragged his body out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen.

There he saw some note, which must be from Magnus, that’s what he thought.

  
_Magnus: off to the work, will be late, don’t wait up. _

  
Alec read and sat on the nearest chair.  This is how most of the days went, conversation less.  He wanted to talk with Magnus, but they both had wrapped around this huge bulk of work.  He was actually, waiting for Magnus last night, but his body betrayed him and he fell asleep.  Is this how this is going to go?  Without seeing each other the whole day?

  
He sighed and went to get ready for the day; he had to complete work early and come home as soon as possible, so he could have some time with Magnus, alone.

\---

Alec managed to come home at seven, in spite of Magnus telling that he will get late;  he messaged Magnus that he is early and hoped to see Magnus come home early as well.

  
He felt disappointed as he saw empty loft and went to kitchen to cook for them. He had decided to cook Magnus’s favourite, so Magnus would be in good mood. But before he could even start to cook, he saw a ping on his phone from his sister, she was sayin  to meet at their usual place and bring Magnus with him and  he refuse then she went talk with him for another century.

He shook his head and quickly messaged Magnus saying change of plans, but only then he heard the door keys and assumed it was Magnus.

Magnus was taking more than usual to open the door and Alec wondered if he was already drunk, then he heard Magnus giggle and say something on the phone, suggesting he was talking with someone on the phone.

Alec went to the door and opened it up for Magnus. Magnus startled for a moment before grinning widely at Alec.

“I’ll talk with you tomorrow, cam” he said on phone and was still looking into Alec’s hazel eyes deeply.

Alec realized, he was talking with the Camille, Izzy’s friend and again that made him wonder, when Magnus and Camille became this close to Magnus to call her cam? Last time he checked  Magnus seemed pretty upset with her and now he was giggling while having conversation with Camille.

“Hey” Magnus said to throw himself on Alec, he smelt like alcohol and already drunk “I want you so bad, let’s go to the bed” Magnus managed to say and Alec took him inside. As much as he wanted this, he wasn’t sure if keeping his sister waiting was a good idea.

“We can’t” he said and bite him own tongue as he saw the look on Magnus’s face, he must have taken this in the wrong way. “ I me-mean Izzy texted” he explained.

“I see, That’s great” Magnus replied, his tome was cold and he managed to look normal even after getting this drunk.

“She wants us to join them in the bar” Alec still tried to sound cheerful. Magnus went near the table where his usual drinks were kept and poured himself a drink. Which only meant it was a bad time, and Magnus was upset.

“Your siblings are too nosey” Magnus murmured which was like a whisper and Alec looked at him with arched eyebrows, if he heard this right. Or was Magnus joking? But Magnus seemed serious. So he had to ask twice.

“What” he asked gently, not to make this into a fight. The last thing he wants now is to fight with Magnus. Magnus loved his siblings, and he knew this was more of alcohol talking than Magnus so he tried to ignore “whatever, just get ready so we can leave” he said instead of Magnus’s protest of leaving the drink.

“Well, your sibling doesn’t know any limits, do they? They never did.  I feel like dating a package of three every time” Magnus yelled throwing his glass on the floor. “You can leave if you want, I am not going anywhere” Magnus said stubbornly and Alec was little taken aback by Magnus’s statement. Did he hear it right? Did magus really say that?

“What the hell is wrong with you” he also shouted back at Magnus. This was the first time they were yelling at each other “and how dare you to talk about my siblings like that,” he asked, anger clearly getting over his head. He never imagined a day where they would fight over Alec’s siblings.

“This is my house.  I’ll talk whatever I want to” Magnus said as for the first time Alec felt like a stranger in their house.  Magnus never talked with him like this, he never called it as his house, but he always stated it as theirs, but now, now he was saying that and Alec was frozen on a place, trying to figure out what to say to this.  He wanted to fight, but he couldn’t anymore since Magnus does know how to make him feel loss of his own words.

He finally managed to take his coat; he was angry; he never expected this kind of words from Magnus, never in his worst dreams. He went to door to leave, leaving behind the man he didn’t know anymore.

“Enjoy your time in your home then” he said without looking back while slamming door loudly on his way out.

\--

Magnus was feeling great after so many days, and he had to thank Camille for this. Today she came by his office taking an appointment, saying she was thinking of switching a job and if Magnus was looking for another designer. Magnus thought about it for moment before approving her as he was in desperate need of another hand now that his show is around, in less than a month. So, he approved her as he had already seen her designs and very impressed with her. 

Camille then offered him a small party, since this was her first day, Magnus was already feeling down with the entire thing, that were going on with Alec.

So, to take his mind of all the relationship shit, he said yes to her as they went to the nearest club and got drunk to the moment no one knew how to walk.

Like last time, Camille didn’t make any move on Magnus and Magnus appreciated it as he was getting a cooler friend than he had. He wanted nothing more than stay in her company for some more time, and he was planning to.

But, he got interrupted by the ping on his phone; it was Alec saying he is getting off early and could Magnus come home soon so they can have some time for themselves.

Smiling Magnus kept his mobile in pocket and made his way to home. He just wanted to fall into Alec’s arms and forget about the all mess they were in.

He was almost happy as he told Camille he reached home safely, that was until Alec told they need to go to the club where his siblings were waiting. And that made Magnus angry, surely he loved them, but sometimes they didn’t know where to stop.

They were huge reason why most of the times Magnus and Alec didn’t get time for themselves. So anger took over his soft mood and he lashed out on Alec, said some words which he didn’t actually mean.

And now he was standing in the hall, another glass of his special martini in hand, staring blankly at the free space in front of him. He wanted to go after Alec, but he was too far angry to bend his pride and go after him. So, he swallowed remaining drink in one go, before going to the bed and sleeping like nothing had happened. He just needed a break from everything.

\---

Alec was furious as he went out of the loft. First he thought he would go to the club by himself, but then he will need to explain the angry look he was having at the moment, so he just started his car and without even knowing where he must be going, he headed to the road which seemed more peaceful.

Unconscious of the direction he was headed, Alec found himself at the place where he and Magnus used to come in their teenage. Whenever they got time for themselves, they would come here and just spent their evening looking towards the flow of running water, that too into each other’s arms. That seems to be ages ago. What happened to them?  Did they really become one of those couples who fights and ignores each other for no reason? Were they that broken?

He went near a tree and sat under it, it was used to be their usual spot, Magnus’s favourite. He realised he hasn’t told Izzy yet, that he isn’t coming, so he dialled her number, even before she could try Magnus’s and Magnus was too drunk and angry to know with whom he is talking and what he is talking. He doesn’t want to take that risk.

“Hey izz” he greeted her and in turn he got a huge shout of his name through a phone as Izzy shouted Alec’s name , telling Alec that she was indeed enjoying her time.

“So sorry, Me and Magnus cant make their tonight” he said before she could start yelling at him again “Magnus is tired and me too, so can we do this another time”  he asked politely, he also sensed how his voice was starting to crack and before Izzy could sense his sadness, he cleared his throat and tried to sound as normal and happy as he can.

“Please, you just want an excuse to spend some alone time” she replied, still yelling over the sound of music. “Whatever just tell Magnus not to wore you out completely”  she said, and Alec tried to comfort his hurting heart.  What?  He wanted to snort.  They haven’t had sex since he doesn’t even remember when, and he wasn’t getting anything today, for sure.

“Yeah, yeah sure” he said as he tried to hold himself with his hand on his stomach “will call you later” and he hung up the phone before waiting for the reply. He couldn’t take it anymore, silent tears started to run from his eyes, without him noticing. This was the first huge fight they had and the suffocation he was feeling were at the peak.

 He doubted they would ever be the same after this. But Magnus did say something about his sibling that wasn’t right, even if that was right in some ways that hurt him to listen it from Magnus.

But, Magnus was important to him, and he will forgive him eventually, right now he just needed  some alonetime before returning to the loft, so, he just sat there without doing anything.

\---

Two weeks happened to pass by since that incident in Magnus’s loft and Alec found himself in this small apartment which was his friends. They two were being stubborn, Alec just wanted Magnus to apologise and he will happily return to their home, but Magnus seemed to have other plans since he didn’t bother to call and ask Alec how he was doing.

It was the longest time they spent apart  since Alec came back from his studies. And now Alec was getting little impatient about this whole thing.

What are they really doing? They were supposed to talk about their future together and not run away from one another. If he wanted to have their future, he would need to do something, and he damn well not that stubborn bastard won’t even bother to disturb him, so, it was him who had to try.

He was about to call Magnus, when he heard a ping on his phone, when he checked it, it was a notification from Magnus’s number. Magnus must have left the message, his heart started to beat fast only by the thought that he was wrong about this. Maybe Magnus did care after all. He smiled widely, a thing he did after those two weeks.

  
_Magnus: My show is tonight, see if you can make a time for it._

  
He was little disappointed, but relieved that Magnus still felt him as an important part of his life and thought about asking him for this important event. He wanted Magnus to apologise, but he will talk about this later, for now he just needed to go and see his angel.

\---

He was late, again. Alec got ready in time, but his car suddenly had a crisis and stopped functioning in the middle of the road. So, he was stuck at the place from where it was difficult to get a ride. He still managed and now he was almost there to close the party.

Now Magnus will be upset with him, again, no matter what he explains. He sighed before going in to search for Magnus. He nearly collapsed after what he saw.

There was Magnus, looking just as perfect as ever, but he was with that bitch who was holding him close and dancing by running her hands all over his body. Magnus looked in drunk enough, to not notice anything, not even Alec.

Not wanting to be there anymore, he stormed outside and went to the loft to wait for Magnus and finally has that talk with him.

He trusted Magnus enough to tell that even in his drunken state Magnus won’t be doing anything to hurt Alec. So, he just needed to get home and wait for Magnus to come there.

\---

Two weeks, it’s been two weeks since their fight and Alec haven’t even come home after that. Magnus can’t remember much from the night but he was sure that he said something about this being his house and Alec must have been angry with him on that.

He wanted to call him and talk about this badly, but he was still angry and hurt. He was sad that the relationship he shared with Alec didn’t excite him anymore, that being with Alec didn’t make him feel like he used to.

So, as Alec was upset, he thought he might take a time to think deeply about it. And Alec might also need a time to figure out all this. Thus, he buried himself in the work and managed to make home in his drunken state almost every night.

In this lonely period, Camille is very helpful as a friend and listened to Magnus’s every whine about his relationship drama with Alec. He was really thankful to her about this and for being a great designer as well. They managed to pull all the designs before the show.

“I must say, you are the best” Camille said, as she was trying one of Magnus’s dresses. It was the show night and the most important one for Magnus.

Magnus hasn’t still replied as he was busy looking in his phone, so, she went near him, nudging him on shoulder to take his attention towards her.

“Mags, What is it?” she asked.

“Umm, thinking about how to write a message” he joked looking at the blank message in Alec’s name. He was still trying to figure out what to say to him. As much as complications they were in, Magnus didn’t want to go through the most important thing in his life without Alec.

“C’mon, just tell him” he heard Camille saying “It’s not like he would care”  she said and Magnus believed her.  Alec hasn’t considered coming to his previous parties when they were on good terms, which makes him think that he will appear now, now of all time.

He inhaled deeply before sending a message to him. It didn’t take a long to Alec to reply. A smile spread on his face as he saw Alec’s reply.

_Alexander:  Will be there on time._

It was the simple message, and still managed to bring the brightest smile on Magnus’s face.  
  
Magnus waited and waited.  But Alec didn’t come. He always promised Magnus that he would manage to be there, but that was another of his lies.

He couldn’t think straight now, so he took a support of the only thing he was feeling close to him nowadays.  He got drunk, to the extend where he couldn’t recognise anyone.

Somewhere in between, Camille took him to the dance floor to dance and they dance very close. He was aware if Camille’s hand running over his body, but was too tired to push her back.She took Magnus’s hand and dragged him outside on the balcony.

“You deserve to be worshiped Magnus” she whispered into Magnus’s ears seductively which spent shiver thorough Magnus’s body towards his crotch. Camille was making him feel the things he thoughts only Alec will “not to be ignored” she continued as she kissed Magnus’s cheek.

“Sure you love him, but think about it”  she again continued as she sensed Magnus was buying what she was explaining. “he isn’t going to give you the home you deserve, the place to come back to. You deserve so much better Magnus, just give me a chance and you will see”  she said and leaned in to kiss Magnus, this time on his lips, and oh god, Magnus wanted it so bad... so bad that he had thought about it one time.  But he was till with Alec and the last thing he wants to do is to hurt Alec by doing this, by cheating on this.  Magnus wasn’t a cheater.

So he pushed her back, even when alcohol has damaged all his senses, he knew this was wrong. Wrong for both Alec and Magnus. He keeps a distance from her, stumbling a little due to his drunken state. He kept his hand in front of her, telling her to stay at the place where she was.

“This is-is wrong” he managed to say “I-I need to talk with Alec”  he said and went in opposite direction to find the exit.  Camille still went ahead and holds Magnus’s hand.

“I don’t know why you keep pushing yourself in this unhappy relationship Magnus when you could have a lot more than that” she tried to convince Magnus as he went on walking “open your eyes Magnus, and stop telling yourself that the things between you two can be fixed” she said and let go off Magnus’s wrist. He knew her plan had worked and just needs to wait till Magnus comes at her door asking for a date.

At some point she even thought of forcing herself on Magnus and make Alec see that, but again that would be a temporary solution. She needed something convincing, and what could be more convincing than playing with a mind. So she set this up all. Smirking at herself, she walked towards at her car with proud feeling filled in her posture.

\---

Magnus made his way home and saw Alec sitting on the couch with a drink in his hand and eyes red with sadness. If this was some other time, Magnus would feel sad too after seeing Alec like this and would have take him into his arms before making him smile again. But not today, today he needed to settle some things. Camille’s saying those things clear and out made him believe that indeed she is right,  they both were leaving in the denial, which they should definitely not.

“Was really happy to see you there” Magnus said as he was trying to be fluent and not appear as so much drunk “always enjoy the company of proud boyfriend”  he said with some sarcasm. Alec was still silent, staring at the open space in the hall. “Do you remember the last time you attended anything that was important to me?”  he asked.

Alec now looked up at him, eyes roaming all over Magnus's face. he looked so broken.

“Did you enjoy your little time with your new friend?”  Alec asked with his cold tone, getting right onto a point.  For a moment Magnus frightened, that Alec might have misunderstood, he shrugged and gave no answer “I did came, but saw you were already having heavenly time, so thought why should I bother, after all you managed without me for two weeks, you will do it for another few days, maybe lifetime, huh? ” he asked getting up and standing right in front of Magnus.

“Camille was just trying to cheer me up, after seeing me upset over someone who don’t ever care about my important things” Magnus shouted at Alec “and you were the one who stayed away, not me” 

“Really magnus?”Alec said as he was trying to be patient considering Magnus’s state, but it was too late “I hear you talk shit about my sibling and make me leave saying this was never my home, how could you expect me to be here after that” he asked.

“I really don’t know”  Magnus said but it was really a whisper. Magnus sat on the couch as he felt his anger fading, he was wrong when he said those things but they really didn’t get time for themselves and their relationship were already doomed so he never saw any point in making a call for forgiveness.

Alec sighed and sat next to Magnus, now was not the time to yell at each other.

“Magnus, I am going to ask this once” Alec said as Magnus saw how his voice was on the verge of cracking and how they both tried to keep their sobs to themselves. “ d-do you have been feeling for her? ”he asked without looking at Magnus, as if he already knew his answer. Magnus was silent for more than a minute before he spoke.

“I don’t know that” Magnus replied “I don’t know how it is supposed to feel as I don’t feel anything like that for you anymore” Magnus completed his sentence and told Alec honestly what was true or at least he thought was true as tears started to flow through his eyes, he didn’t know where they will go from here but he knew he needed to be honest with Alec, if he wants them both to be happy.

He heard Alec snorting; they both remain silent again for some more time, before Alec stood up.

“Thanks for being honest Magnus” he said as Magnus saw Alec leaving without turning back. 

It was still an hour later he found himself at the same place, tears coming almost continuously through his eyes, body shivering. Was this it? He knew they wouldn't ever be the same after this, the reality hit him, that what he said may have broken them for the life and a sob escaped through his mouth as he collapsed on the floor sobbing loudly.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> I still can't believe they cancelled our beloved show.  
> But don't lose hope and keep tweeting as much as you can!  
> Enjoy the chapter, although there is nothing to enjoy, just a sad chapter.

Magnus woke up due to the huge noise coming from his mobile. His head was spinning and the throat was dry and this wasn’t the first time he felt regretting of getting that much drunk. He reached to his pocket and saw who it was, Camille. He ignored her by keeping his mobile on silent. 

Then he turned to look around, he fell asleep on the couch itself, and again reality crashed back. Alec, their fight, and then Alec asking about his feelings towards Camille and Magnus telling him that he didn’t feel anything for him anymore.

“I am a fucking idiot” he cursed himself and the alcohols for being like this to Alec. Yes, he didn’t get that fluttering feeling, same as when he got it in the beginning of the relationship, but that was a no excuse to behave like a dick. They could have talked and sorted what was bothering them.

  
He rushed to the kitchen and took an aspirin for a headache before going to take a shower. He needed to talk with Alec, whatever it was he just needed to speak with him. What they had is beautiful or was beautiful plus real and he didn’t want that to end that like this. They should really talk before jumping to any decisions.

  
He tried calling Alec, but he didn’t answer, so he had the last option, to go to Izzy’s. He knew the last place Alec would be at is Izzy’s.  
He was thinking about all the things he should be talking with Alec, all the worried he felt theses past days, and maybe…maybe, if Alec wants then, he might have some chance to have their relationship back.

He sighed; he didn’t even want to think himself in Alec’s place. He can’t imagine how Alec must be feeling after knowing his own boyfriend doesn’t feel a thing about him anymore. Magnus cursed himself again for saying that out loud. How is he going to get through it? How is Alec going to forgive him, ever? 

\--  
“Isabelle” Magnus breathed out a soon as Izzy opened the door. He saw Izzy’s frowning expression.

“Magnus, thank god” she said “and what the fuck is going on with you two? Alec haven’t opened the door of guest room since he got in and last night h-he was drunk beyond my imagination, also he was cursing you with the words I didn’t know even exists” he told Magnus in one breath with fast pace and Magnus’s face dropped further. He wants to explain her and he knew he will gain Izzys hate after that, but he should. But first of all, he should talk with Alec.

“I’ll tell you everything, I promise” he said giving her small smile “but, first I need to speak with your brother”

“yeah, ok” she replied “Magnus, be good with him okay? And fix whatever it is, because I know if you don’t, it will destroy him and I will not think twice before destroying you” she said and Magnus swallowed air hard due to Izzy’s serious tone in the threat.

\--  
“Isabelle, go away” Alec said started to get irritated with her constant knocking on the door. He went to the nearest bar after Magnus telling him that he didn’t feel anything for Alec anymore. What could be worse than this, the man you are in love with for almost a decade, tells you he doesn’t anymore, what can be worse.

He was so disappointed in himself more than Magnus, that he couldn’t make Magnus feel what he feels for Magnus. So, when he got drunk and stumbled while walking towards the Izzys apartment, Izzy was surprised to see him like that. Obviously, he was more careful and responsible one in the family and rarely got drunk, and that only of Magnus was with him. 

But last night Magnus wasn’t and he will be never with Alec after today. So yeah, he was hurt, beyond repairing. 

“t-this is Magnus” came voice from another end and Alec suddenly opened his eyes, wide, with surprise. Why Magnus was here, after breaking his heart into pieces. He went for silence for some time before getting up, adjusting his hairs which were giving him a problem, then he though Magnus don’t feel anything about him anymore so why should he take any trouble to look good. With the drunk look on his face, he went to open the door. Whatever he wanted to say, he better listen to him and get over it.

  
He opened the door and stared at Magnus blindly for almost a few minutes, Magnus was also in the same condition as he was except the fact that he had showered and he was also without his makeup. 

Magnus gave Alec almost nervous smile and for the first time Alec saw the lack of confidence as well as uncertainty in Magnus’s posture. Alec gave Magnus some space, so he could come inside. Magnus went near bed and sat as Alec almost felt trapped after he closed the door behind them. This is awkward, so awkward.  


Magnus was quiet so as Alec, they sat side by side, without uttering any word or looking at each other. Finally, Magnus cleared his throat before talking.

  
“um, I shouldn’t have said that” Magnus spoke and if seeing Magnus on the other said wasn’t a surprise, then it surely was. He always took Magnus as the stubborn one and never expected any kind of apologies from him but this one got him surprised and relieved at the same time. Maybe they still can make this work “I was drunk and out of my mind, so I know you are hurt but I shouldn’t have said it” Magnus further explained.

  
“I shouldn’t have? But you meant it?” Alec cross-questioned him. just wants to get this clear. They can’t go back and pretend as if nothing has happened, this wasn’t a reality show. Magnus again didn’t say anything so Alec took that yes.

  
“Camille forced herself on me” Magnus eventually spoke as Alec was about to leave the room again, that stopped Alec and asked why, why it must happen with him only “not only yesterday, but one more time, when she met us in the club” Magnus was looking at the floor while speaking, and the thought of Magnus being touched by someone else than him was already making him scream.

“but I promise you Alec, I dint do anything, I pushed her away, both time” Magnus said and Alec trusted Magnus with his words, he knew Magnus won’t do anything like that. 

But it still hurt him that Magnus wanted to.  


“But you wanted to” Alec asked, crossing his arms on the chest, like he is trying to comfort himself.  


“The feeling was very confusing Alec, I am sorry” Magnus replied.  
Alec scoffed and shook his head in disbelief.  


“Can’t believe I am getting dumped for a girl,” he said with humour in his voice, but who knew, he was just trying to hold back from breaking completely in front of the man who was breaking his heart with the each sentence he was saying.  


Magnus looked up, his eyes were filled with tears and Alec thought why is he having tears in the eyes when it was his heart which is breaking, for the second time in a row.  


“It’s not about her” Magnus said in voice little higher “It’s about us, we-”  


“Is there any us remained for you?” breaking what Magnus was saying short, Alec said. He was really disappointed.  


“please Alec, we don’t get time to have for each other, we are not each other’s duty and we are behaving like that only” Magnus said “I-I want to have a family someday Alec, and you haven’t ever talked about our moving in together then how we will talk about our future. You deserve someone who can get some time for you, and that is same with me. We just can’t make this work if one of us is not willing to take efforts in the relationship” Alec took in each word that Magnus said and he was right, but about wanting a family he wanted that too, and was about to express himself but again Magnus saying he isn’t will so what’s the point of saying it out loud.  


So instead he said, “You are right”  


And suddenly Alec don’t want to be in the same room as Magnus, he wants to have some alone time, so the pain that is pumping into his heart will go away.  


“You should leave” after minutes of silence. Alec spoke as he couldn’t get this anymore, he just needed Magnus gone. He couldn’t recognize the man that was sitting in front of him anymore. In fact, he couldn’t recognize himself without Magnus. “I guess this is it for us” 

Alec said with his cold tone, he was so angry that he just couldn’t take it.  


“Alec, I-I willing to try, to us to work” Magnus whispered as Alec saw tears falling from his eyes. Alec didn’t say anything, just stayed there with cold heart, expressionless face and without any moment. But deep inside, he was braking inch by inch. He wanted tom scream at Magnus for being this person that he hated so much, but he couldn’t.  


Magnus got up, as Alec wasn’t saying anything or reacting to anything. Maybe, there was another world he could have Magnus but not in this, he knew of he asked Magnus to stay, then Magnus will happily, but he also doesn’t want to force him to do anything. He was so weak to do that, so tired to try. So, instead he gave up.  


Magnus was at the door when Alec spoke again.  


“And Magnus, from now on, don’t bother to talk with me when it isn’t necessary” he just couldn’t take it anymore.  


“Okay” he heard Magnus whispering.  


Someone had just come and ripped Alec’s heart out of his chest…yeah, that was the thing Alec was feeling right now. He stayed there thinking, taking all the things that just happened. He didn’t cry, instead he felt all of the air from the room has vanished and he was having difficulty in breathing properly. Alec hasn’t even noticed when he had gritted his teeth tightly or his hands made tight fists which lead the nails to bury into his skin and the blood started to flow slowly. Still he didn’t cry.  


His vision was getting blurry, and he heard someone calling his name, but couldn’t recognize who. He hoped it was Magnus. How he hoped, but then again, he bites his inner lip thinking why would Magnus come back when Alec made it clear that he doesn’t want him in his life when it isn’t necessary. But he had to think about his heart too, right? He deserves to be selfish sometimes.  


Alec had listened to the number of stories about how heartbreak felt, but never really feel it, until now. Sudden realization was enough for him to know it, realization of him and Magnus are over, realization of him could never have the things he imagined, not with Magnus at least.  


“Alec, breath” he heard Isabelle saying, and he was holding his breath for god knows how long “you need to breath Alec” she said again and what triggered into Alec suddenly, he will never know. Since, the next moment he hugged Izzy tightly and yelled loudly. The pain was so sharp and harmful.  


He was just yelling and he wanted to cry but the tears never came, he just yelled.

\--

Magnus heard the covers getting flipped up from his body where he was lying on the bed from the day he had broken up with Alec. Or more precisely, Alec have told him to leave. It was over a week since the horrible day. He came straight to his best friend, Raphael and cried for which seemed like hours. But again who is there to blame than himself. Raphael has been so good with him and let him stay there for a week, but he was getting out of patience as well.  


“Get your butt out of the bed, bane” he heard Raphael say, “or else I am going to throw you out of my apartment along with this bed” he warned Magnus in his serious tone. Magnus groaned and before getting up he threw the pillow on Raphael’s face.  


Raphael sat on the bed besides Magnus and kept his hand on Magnus’s shoulder, very well knowing how much hurt Magnus was.  


“you need to go back to the work someday, Magnus” he said with his comforting words “I know things happen, but life goes on, you need to understand that” Magnus knew what he was referring to, his and Simon’s relationship. Before Simon started to date Izzy, he was with Raphael and then for some business thing Raphael had to move to another country and he broke Simon’s heart. But again, if he sees Raphael he was pretty happy, surely he missed Simon but, as he said, life goes on.  


“I hurt him, Raph” Magnus replied with sob.  


“Enough with the crying Magnus” Raphael said finally getting frustrated with Magnus’s stubbornness.“If you want him back, just go there and win him over instead of being some defeated pussy,”  


“He told me to leave” Magnus replied “and not to talk if it isn’t necessary” as the word left from Alec’s mouth, Magnus had hated those, how can Alec except from him to stay away from him without talking, they could at least try to be friends. But, why would he.  


“That’s really great” rapheal replied and Magnus looked at him like he was crazy or something “he is protecting his own heart from getting hurt again you idiot, give him some credits. He comes to know that his boyfriend has feelings for someone else and you except him to be nice with him?”  


“Don’t be harsh raph” Magnus said as he sat up on the bed with pillow hugging in his arms. He very well knew how much true those words were, but not having Alec in his life, hurt him.   


“Do you want him back?” Raphael asked  


Did he want Alec back? Or more importantly, does Alec want him back. Every inch of the room yelled at him, he won’t, Alec had given up. And so have Magnus, there wasn’t any hope for them so why was he sulking like this.  


“I don’t know,” he replied, truly meaning what he said.  


“And do you want Camille?” Raphael asked, and Magnus again must have said something about Camille to Raphael that night that made him think this. Now the question was, does he want Camille, was she good enough to give his heart to her? She surely has shown interest in Magnus, but Magnus was still unsure.  


“I don’t know” he replied, pouting at Raphael, Raphael cursed Magnus and his dumb self. But again his features softened.  


“You will, give it a time, huh?” Raphael said, ruining Magnus’s hairs more...Magnus groaned, “oh, shut up, with all the tension on your shoulders, you still worried about your hairs getting ruined” he said and for the first time in so many days Magnus chuckled. “Now, check you mobile, it's vibrating since I don’t know when, answer those messages bastard” he said getting up to leave.  


“And Magnus, after getting shower, please get the hell out from my apartment,” Raphael said and Magnus pouted at him before checking his mobile, hoping that Alec had messaged, but Alec never did.

\--

Alec’s phone was ringing, again but he didn’t try to search for it as it was lying somewhere between the empty bottles on alcohol and dirty takeaway covers he had been having in his small place since the day he told Magnus to leave.  
After all that happened, he told Izzy he needs some time and the he will tell them everything, and for the first time Izzy had listened to him and let him go on his own, just asking one question.  


‘will you be okay?’ she asked and Alec had snorted on that statement.Now it’s been over a week, and he still didn’t talk to anyone. But still he has replied her with a small node and then he left.  


Now it’s been over a week, and he still didn’t talk to anyone. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t, and why he didn’t know. There was just loud yelling, a pain in his heart was unbearable, but still, tears didn’t came out of his eyes.  


He searched for his mobile, hoping it was Magnus, but then why would Magnus bother? When Alec was the who told him to leave and never talk with him. By now, probably, Magnus must have gotten with Camille and only thinking about Camille made Alec’s body heat up with anger. She was the real reason why they felt apart or were she? God how desperately he wanted to blame her for all this, but deep down he had that coming from day.

Communication has always been weak point in their relationship. And when it became too much, he couldn’t take it.  


It was Izzy, again. She had left him hundred of messages today and then there was one message from Jace as well. Alec thought it wasn’t fair with them; they are nothing but good towards him, so he decided to meet them for the coffee.  
  
“Alec, we were so worried about you” Izzy greeted Alec as soon as Alec entered into the shop, by giving him tight hug, Alec rolled his eyes, he was so used to be the one worrying about everyone, he felt little odd hearing that.  


“Izz, I am ok, but if you don’t pull back I think I’ll be having the problem” Alec tried his best to tell them that he was ok, that they don’t need to worry.  


“Fine” she said and then Alec was hugged by Jace who was equally concerned, he had idea that the news about him and Magnus must have travelled fast and all their friends knew this by now. So, he just has to admit it and move on.  
They stayed still until their order came. And the silence was getting awkward as both his sibling were giving him odd looks which were making him feel to get up and leave.  


“So, um...if you haven’t figured out this already” Alec cleared his throat to speak“Me and Magnus, I-Ww-we broke up” he said and he saw his sibling’s expressionless faces as if they were expecting this. As they weren’t saying anything, Alec further added. “but you guys don’t have to worry, seriously, I mean” he tried his best to keep himself together.

Izzy comforted him by keeping her hand over Alec’s palm, she can see right through him, the fact that she knew when he was lying proved that.  


“Alec, we are here for you” she said and Jace also hummed in response “just tell me what went wrong.”  


‘What went wrong?’ seriously, there were tons of the things that went wrongs which he didn’t want to tell Izzy or Jace.  


“It’s nothing izz, I’ll get over it” Alec replied, still trying to deny it.  


“That doesn’t explain what happened Alec” Jace said.  


“I saw it coming for the days, we-we were just you know, fell apart” Alec replied as his siblings listened without interrupting “I just don’t want to talk about it okay? Just it happened”  


“but whatever it was Alec, you never let go of such relationship” Jace said as Izzy glared at him, he didn’t had a filter.  


“just know that it was beyond repairing,” Alec said looking into his coffee mug. Izzy got up in the middle of nowhere and asked Alec with angry voice.  


“Just tell me he didn’t cheat on you” she asked “or Alec was it you, please don’t tell me it was you” she said and Alec wondered how could she thing this less of both Magnus and Alec. He could never think of letting Magnus down like that, he loved maguns so much.  


“Calm down izz, nothing like that happened,” he said taking her hand and making her sit down. She let out the breath of relief.  


“I am sorry Alec, just you said that it was beyond repairing so”  


“It’s ok Izzy” Alec replied with a faint smile “just wanted you two to know that, there isn’t anything between me and him anymore and I need your help finding an apartment for me, my current place is a nightmare,” he replied and he saw Jace smiling and Izzy pulling her mobile out to search a apartment online.  


With the loved ones around him, he assumed the life without Magnus would be good. He pulled his phone out and changed his wallpaper which had his and Magnus’s phone from their France trip with his sibling’s picture. 

If Magnus wanted to move on, he can do that as well.   



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and his stubborn self  
> Alec's breakdown!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!  
> Here is a new chapter  
> things really gets worst before something good comes  
> So expect drama   
> Also: Thanks for the incredible response till now! :)

After that day, Alec’s living fell into a pattern. Izzy and Jace helped him pick up the apartment which was near his firm and far far away from his formal home. He still wasn’t ready to face his ex, so to avoid any further possibility to bump into Magnus he took a place away from Magnus’s.

Every day was same. He’ll get up in the morning, from the floor surrounded with all the bottles of alcohol from yesterday, then he’ll drag his body in the shower and cry continuously under the water due to the unbearable pain in his chest. He indeed tried to keep himself away Magnus as much as he can, but he missed Magnus so fucking much that sometimes he could barely breath.

From the information he has, Magnus was still very much single and there was more than hundred times he thought about going back to Magnus begging in front of him to take Alec back so that the pain he was in will fade away, but he didn’t go. Instead, he buried all his feeling deep inside only let himself break when he was alone.

He always pretended to be all good in front of everyone. But no one knew how much exactly this was killing him. He has even thought about self-harming, he has heard from somewhere that it represses the pain you are feeling over physical pain, and god he so wanted to try and let go the feeling of hell he was having in his heart. There were so many times, when he was standing in front of the mirror, shirtless and razor in the one hand so he could just do it. A one cut somewhere on the body and the pain of losing someone won’t be there anymore. But he couldn’t let himself to do that. He can’t so instead he cried and cried, over and over taking Magnus’s name and praying to god to give him his Magnus back, because he don’t know a life without Magnus in it.

\--

A month later or so, Magnus found himself in a restaurant with Camille. Camille has asked him out like for hundredth time now, and Magnus had managed to reject her every time she tried, that too until now. It seemed like him and Alec was over and they didn’t have any contact for over a month now, and he was sure Alec won’t talk with him. Then there was Camille, literally stalking him everywhere. He got tired of that already and said yes in the frustration. So, yeah here he was sitting in one of the top hotels in the New York.     

For the best or the worst, Magnus thought let’s give it a try, he already knew how much he is attracted to the beautiful women sitting right in front of him, smiling shyly while glancing back and forth between Magnus and the menu, Camille wore a dark blue dress today and she was looking nothing less than perfection. Magnus felt it will be awkward to have a date with someone else than Alec, but it felt all normal, all comfortable. He gave a bright smile to Camille before giving their orders.

After their date, Magnus could say he had a great time, he enjoyed Camille’s company, like he always did.

“I had a great time Magnus” Camille said hugging Magnus tightly which wasn’t that necessary.

“So, did I” Magnus replied hugging her back, but awkwardly.

She then kissed Magnus on cheek and looked like she wasn’t sure, but then brushed her lips on Magnus’s which took Magnus by a surprise a little as he wasn’t expecting this, he stood there completely frozen now, not knowing if he should just react or do something, say something.

Just when he was about to come back to his senses, camille held him close and whispered in his ears.

“call me” that too in seductive way which Magnus’s whole body shiver. Then she turned and flashed one of her flirty smile towards Magnus before turning and going towards her car. Magnus was in big trouble, whatever he felt about her was getting stronger by each day. He held himself back, feeling guilty how things turned out with Alec, but what should he do, he was unhappy and so was Alec. How many days they were going to punish each other, or themselves just being forcefully into the relationship. So, Magnus had to decide what he wants. He will always love Alec, there wasn’t any denying in that, it was just, they didn’t work. He sighed and went home as he needed clear mind before processing.

\--

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Izzy asked Alec as they were hanging out in the bar, she showed her mobile to Alec which had some news on the twitter which said,

“The hottest designers in the industry being new hot topic”

 And then there was a picture of Magnus and Camille outside the restaurant where they didn’t have any dates before. Camille was holding magus close, hands wrapping around him tightly. They looked perfect, a perfect looking couple. Alec stared at the picture for more than he should has the feeling of jealousy, betrayal was still new in his heart. He noticed that his siblings were staring at him, he should reply, he should say something casual so that they won’t be thinking it is affecting him.

“I thought it wasn’t important” Alec replied like it was nothing, he can’t be weak in front of them, no matter how much it was killing him from inside.

“Of course, it is important Alec” Izzy stated, her voice was rising which wasn’t necessary. She looked furious, from the say he and Magnus had broken, Izzy stopped to hang out with Magnus, not that he will know, but Magnus has stopped talking with anyone from their group. And wasn’t living in their formal home but with his friend Raphael. He was also sure that Magnus hasn’t rushed or jumped into a relationship with Camille, right after their separation, but he had it coming.

“C’mon izz, it’s his life, he can do whatever he wants or whoever he want, ju-just get over it” he said and took a sip from his drink tying very strong to hold back the tears he was having in his eyes, he wanted to think something else, but couldn’t clear his head.

“She was the reason behind all the problems you were having with Magnus, wasn’t she?” Izzy asked with her firm gaze, like she wanted to see right into Alec’s eyes when he answers, like she knew Alec would lie to defend Magnus.

“For the hundredth time I’ve told you Isabelle, we had some issues that we couldn’t solve, that didn’t include your new friend” Alec lied, it was simple, plain lie. Because of Camille Magnus started taking and thinking their relationship differently, it was her and their communication problem “Again I’ll say, just let it go, I am over it, can’t you all?” he asked and before anyone could say anything, he was out of the club leaving very confused sibling behind.

\--

“Alec, are you okay?” Jace slammed on the door once again, he was doing this since past fifteen minutes now, Alec wasn’t answering or opening the door and Jace was getting impatient minute by minute. “Alec can you open the door please, I need to know if you are ok” he tried again and still there wasn’t any reply.

Jace thought Alec was being serious when he told him he was okay, but now Jace is in doubt about Alec’s mental health, was he really ok. Over past ten years, he had seen his brother having crush, then falling in love with single person over and over again. He had seen Alec rambling continuously about their dates in front of Jace whenever Magnus took him on a date, then he has also seen him when Alec cried in doubt that Magnus will not wait for him when he will be away for studies. But Magnus never betrayed Alec, he has always waited for him, always. Until this time, they were ok, and he doubted that they ever will be.

So, the only question he had was ‘what in the hell happened to them?’

\--

Alec dragged himself into his new apartment quickly, he took some bottles of beer with him before sitting right on the floor, opening his twitter and searching by the tag #Magnusbane which he haven’t done in a while. He had restrained himself from doing that, stalking Magnus. That was just not right, Magnus wasn’t his.

He started to drink through countless bottles as he went through the hashtag, the pages were flooded with Magnus’s pictures with Camille, and Magnus looked so, he looked so happy and before he could know tears started to flow through his eyes, Magnus has definitely moved on, he already knew that would happen but why this was hurting him like the biggest pain in his heart he didn’t know. He started to sob loudly taking Magnus’s name that he didn’t realise Jane was standing in front of him.

Jace kneeled down and wrapped his arms around Alec who was still sobbing loudly.

“Why m-me” Alec tried talk through his sobs, his heart was pounding loudly as shiver went through his body out of fear “why me Jace? I can’t, I can’t” he said repeatedly hiccuping like a small kid through his sobs.

“Just a one chance, one chance, can’t I have that? I can’t live without him, I don’t know how to live without him” Alec chocked on the sob as Jace started rub his back, Jace also felt his eyes tearing up seeing his brother breaking in front of him like this. “Why didn’t I asked him to marry me, why was I such coward, jus” he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say as he held tightly onto Jace by his shirt as cried loudly.

“Alec, you are not a coward, never say that, it was Magnus who is so wrong to leave you” Jace took a pity on the situation as his blood was flaming with a anger towards Magnus. Till now, he has restrained himself from saying or doing anything to Magnus to break up with Alec. But now, he just wanted to go right towards Magnus’s apartment and hit the shit out of him for doing this to his brother.

“No Jace” Alec protested hiccuping a little “It was my fault too, I said him to leave, he-he wasn’t” again Alec wasn’t able to say whatever it was and it made Jace confuse.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“He was willing to fight and I let him go…I let him go” Alec again held Jace closer and let out the pain he was feeling. Jace was shocked by the confession Alec has made, all this time, he thought Magnus was the one making huge mistake but now he understood that it was Alec’s fault as well. He stopped, he gave up on them. Still his heart was aching by just looking at his brother who was crying like a baby into his arms. And he doubted most of the nights were same for him.

“Everything will be ok Alec” Jace tried to comfort him, which he knew will be in vain since Alec wasn’t in listening mood, his heart was broken, the person he has loved above all was moving on with someone else, someone who was a big reason of their braking up. What could be the worse?

“Let’s get you to the bed” he said and tugged on to Alec’s shoulder to give him support so he can move him towards the bed. Alec’s eyes were already shutting due to all crying.

“I love him” Jace heard Alec murmuring, before he drifted to sleep. Jace couldn’t do anything but feel bad for Alec. He heard his phone vibrating, it was Izzy. He thought about telling her what happened but again it wasn’t his place as he knew Alec didn’t want them to see him like this. He will tell Izzy when he is ready, so instead he decided to lie to Izzy.

“Hey Izzy” he greeted, as he went out of Alec’s bedroom.

“Jace is everything ok, I’ve been messaging you since an hour now” she complained, and Jace couldn’t help but roll his eyes over the protectiveness their sister had them.

“Alec is fine, I’m staying at his today you know if anything happens” he blurted out but as soon as those words were out of his mouth his knew Izzy will doubt something is wrong, he bite his lips over his stupid self and prayed that she won’t be doubting anything.

“What? Did something happen, don’t lie to me Jace” again she was their sister, she will know if he is lying.

“Nothing Izzy, look I am tired, we will meet tomorrow at lunch, alright? I’ll drag Alec with me, don’t worry” he sighed, and noticed he was tired.

“Fine” finally she was convinced “Take care of him Jace, and we will talk tomorrow, bye”

Jace sighed before getting up and cleaning the mess.

 

\--

“Jace something isn’t right” Izzy complained, she couldn’t just believe Alec telling her about him being all ok. Alec acted like he was okay, which should be enough for her to know if he is taking this well. But what made her doubt was Alec was acting like nothing happened and nothing matters anymore. Which was indeed making clearer that deep down he was hurt and not at good place and he was desperately trying to hide that from all of them. She just wanted Alec to show how he was feeling, she just wanted to be there for Alec help him move on with his life.

“I’ll go check on him” Jace said to her, reassuring Izzy that everything will be alright before going after Alec.

\--

“are you insane” it was rapheal, who has just entered Magnus’s loft, afar from Alec, only Raphael had keys to Magnus’s loft which was strange, since he thought he never had given raph any keys.

“what, what happened” Magnus asked getting confused, see there are many things Magnus cans do stupidly, so Raphael should be clear on what thing he is accusing Magnus being insane. Magnus was in front of the mirror, applying makeup.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Raphael asked as Magnus glanced at him raising his one eyebrow, still not getting what he was applying to.

“This” Raphael made a pointing finger into circular action over Magnus’s face “all the makeup just for a date with that snake”

Magnus groaned due to frustration, it’s been what some four dates between him and Camille and still Raphael didn’t approve her. He knew everything was happening so fast and quick, but Magnus couldn’t help himself, he was happy.

“Raphael, I know you don’t approve some things that I do” magus said again continuing his work on the face “but that doesn’t keep me from doing it” he added with a smirk.

“Have you really thought about this?” Raphael asked again and Magnus kind of knew he isn’t having out from this conversation. “I mean, what happened to you Magnus, one time you are this guy who is crazy about this tall lawyer, and suddenly you are all forgotten about him, I mean it don’t look right” he explained and Magnus stopped working on his makeup before sitting next to Raphael.

“I don’t know what happened between us, but I can assure you Raph, it wasn’t suddenly, we both were not happy and this is not how I want to live my life. I want to be happy always, she makes me happy…whether you approve it or not.” Magnus said shoving his hands dismissively. “And about Alec, I will never stop loving him, it was him who don’t want me in his life”

“It ju-just worry about you, you know I had to leave someone but for different reason, and I know how much I regret that now, and how much I wish I could change the things, but now we have came at this point that I can’t do anything about that” Raphael confessed while his eyes were on the ground. Magnus wrapped his arms around his shoulder.

“I didn’t know you miss him” Magnus said with low voice.

Simon was Raphael’s boyfriends back in high school, they were in love like nothing else mattered to them, but things happened and he has to leave as his whole family was leaving, hence leaving Simon behind, forever. Magnus vaguely remembers, how heartbroken they both were, especially Simon since Magnus had witnessed his breakdown more than once. Eventually with time, Simon got ok and met someone special, Isabelle, who made him incredibly happy. And that might be the reason why Raphael hasn’t met with Simon since his return. And here was Magnus, all wrapped in his own problems that he couldn’t see how sad his friend is.

“I do” Raphael replied with a long pause. Magnus hugged him as tears fell from his eyes. “And don’t get me wrong, I am so relieved that he is happy, it-it’s just that I miss him and I wish I wouldn’t have left” Magnus felt bad for his friend and wondered if he will be the one to regret everything after.

“Oh Raph, I am so sorry” he said as he continued to comfort him.

“I just don’t want you to regret everything afterwards” Raphael told Magnus pulling back “Alec is perfect for you and for some unknown reason, he loves you, you stubborn ass, so, go after him, say you are sorry” he said to lit up the mood but Magnus just stared at him blankly, no idea what to say.

“I think it’s little late for that” Magnus again replied stubbornly.

\--

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama and more drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people  
> Enjoy reading   
> #saveshadowhunters

  
"Hey, what time it is” Alec murmured in his hoarse and sleepy voice, rubbing his eyes to open them properly. His head was killing him which he guessed is the effect of the last night. He groaned as the voices coming from the road was making direct holes in his brain. So, he threw himself back on the bed. Laying on his stomach as he tried to hold a pillow on his ears tightly, so he could hear less noise.

 

He heard Jace chuckling from behind and then the flashes from last night went through his memories, as a horror of his siblings seeing him at the peak of his weakness became real. And suddenly he was wide awake, shivering even though he was covered in a fluffy blanket. He can’t be like this, not in front of his siblings. He has always the one to be there of them, not the other way around.

 

“It’s almost noon,” Jace told him, it was way too late, he needed to get his shit together and try not to cry over the person who can move on in a heartbeat without even thinking about what they had. “C'mon, Izzy wants to meet us over a lunch, so get up or else we are gonna be late and that would be good enough a reason for Izzy to kill me,” Jace said with a dramatic sigh.

 

Alec got up and rested his head against the wall behind before taking the tablet Jace was offering. He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind by not thinking about the past few events. He thought that might help his headache. Jace was still here waiting for his answer, he needed to say something, he was aware of that, at least.

 

“I-I am sorry” he finally managed to say, without opening his eyes, not trusting himself from spreading more tears in front of Jace.

 

“Wh-what why would you say that Alec” Jace asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

“For being weak and giving you all this trouble last night” Alec blurted out and sighed, what is wrong with him. Has Magnus damaged him this much that he couldn’t even ask his siblings for the help?

 

“Helping you will never be a trouble for me Alec, and neither for Izzy. We both love you and we are here for you, always” Jace said with his smooth voice, which Alec felt comforting.

 

“Th- thanks” Alec stammered.

 

“Of course,” Jace replied smiling brightly. Then, Jace seemed to be battling for a second before deciding to finally ask “Do you want to talk about it?” he offered gently. Did Alec want to talk about it? Yes, he did. Did he want to talk with his sibling, he doubted that. He inhaled sharply before shaking his head dismissively 

 

“No” he declined which single word, but his voice cracked, betraying him and expressing the words which left unsaid.

 

“Okay” Jace smiled getting up, there wasn’t any sign of offence in his eyes, just honesty. “I’ll make coffee for you, take a shower so we can go and take that lunch with dizzy before she kills us both,” he said chuckling a little.

 

“I miss him,” Alec said with hurry before Jace went out of the room. He needed to tell someone before it gets too much.

Jace came near him and placed his hand on Alec’s shoulder, gesturing the support and comfort.

 

“It’s ok to miss him, it’s ok to feel those things. After all, moving on from those many years of your life is hard, but we all do eventually, step by step” Jace said and before Alec noticed his eyes were flooded with those damn tears. “Look if you don’t feel comfortable enough to share or talk with us then there is this person I know who can help you with this... you can share whatever you want with him” Jace offered him a card which stated a visiting card of a therapist, Jace’s friend, Jem.

“Do you think I’m that broken to seek help from a therapist?” Alec asked but not in offending tone. He had been thinking about this, but realizing it from someone else did hurt.

“No, no” Jace said shaking his head “it’ll be like sharing with an unknown person who can help you by listening to you, listening to what is bothering you. he is a great guy, and I just thought it will be good for you, to let it all out, go once and that's all.” Jace replied calmly, choosing his words more carefully so Alec won’t get any wrong ideas out of it. Alec thought for some time about it, first, he thought it was ridiculous.

 

'Only sick people go to the therapist' was his opinion, but he wasn’t sick. But now he was rethinking, it might help him. To blurt out the burden of a thousand things in front of a stranger who is willing to listen to is more than an excellent idea to him. He can finally open about all the things and maybe that will help him move on from Magnus. 

 

He tried to flutter his eyes, but they were sore, and it was making his eyes ache. God how long has he been crying, and he can bet that they were red he was looking like a crap. Yes, he can totally use some help.

Jace gave him all the time to think and sat there patiently till Alec could say something.

“I’ll think about it” finally Alec told him his decision. Jace smiled while handling him the visit card of the therapist.

“Fine” Jace patted his shoulder before getting up. “Take your time Alec, it will definitely help you,” he suggested.

“And get ready or we are gonna face a very angry Izzy, and that’s the side I keep myself away from. And I’ll suggest you do the same” Jace said cockily and tried to make it feel like everything is normal. Alec was glad to have the support of his siblings. Maybe, just maybe it's a good thing to depend on someone other than Magnus. He nodded at Jace while smiling.

\--

After seeing her brother’s red and puffy eyes, during their meeting some time ago, Izzy entered Magnus’s office with anger fuming in her body, having only one aim; to get some reasons as to why it’s only her brother who is suffering, and Magnus is having a time of his life. She seriously can’t figure why Magnus was acting like nothing mattered to him anymore, like wasn’t Alec in his life before everything that has happened. Where is the person who Izzy recognized as her idol? What changed that he left Alec in the miserable state?

She stormed in a direction of Magnus’s cabin, ignoring what his secretary was saying, maybe she heard something like ‘Mr. bane is with someone in the office, you need to wait…’ her anger got multiplied by only hearing this, Camille might be in with him. And she got an excellent idea to kill two birds with one stone. She can expose Camille for being such pretending friend and she can say whatever she wants to say to Magnus.

She was fully expecting Camille to be there, but she got fully surprised to see her boyfriend there instead. Did Simon tell her about meeting Magnus? What could be the reason? She was confused.

 

“Izzy!?” Simon said with a startled expression, he was surprised to see Izzy there as well.. he stood frozen at the place where he was standing in front of Magnus and judging from his eyes, it seemed he was sad.

“Simon, what are you doing here?” she asked immediately and turned to Magnus, only to glare at him.

\--

Firstly, Magnus wasn’t expecting Simon in his office this afternoon, and he definitely wasn't expecting Izzy as well. But here they were.

Simon came to the office and awkwardly started to talk with Magnus about the things in his life, he seemed distracted as he was breathing fast while talking. Magnus then calmly asked him what the problem was and Simon explained about him knowing Raphael is back in a city. That’s when Magnus understood what it is about.

He was about to tell him what to do when a loud thud on his door disturbed them. It was Izzy, and from the state, she was in it seemed that she was angry and ready to kill anyone she wants. But then her gaze turned to Simon, and judging from her reaction, she didn’t know about Simon’s visit to Magnus. Why would she? Simon was here to talk about his ex and telling his girlfriend wouldn’t be appropriate.

Before Simon can stutter on his answer to Izzy’s questions which can lead to something suspicious, Magnus jumped in between to repay her.

“He is here to check on me.” Magnus answered with a soft smile and turned to Simon “And for the thousandth time, I’m fine Stewart, you don’t have to come and see if I am ok” Magnus faked his best smile ever and saw Simon chuckling nervously.

 

“Checking on him? Really Simon?” she asked with a humouring voice. “He should be the one suffering, after everything he has done to my brother! Are you that heartless Magnus?” she asked while throwing daggers with her eyes towards him. He knew she was angry and had all the rights, so he remained silent without even uttering a word and let her take out the anger on himself.

“I can’t believe I thought you were the one for him, that you were perfect for him, but you are such a coward and the most selfish person I’ve ever met. It disgusts me that once I thought you as my role model!” She blurted, gritting her teeth together and Magnus guessed that was the gesture to remain in control and to not kill him on the spot. She insulted him. Magnus let her without saying a word in return. Surely it hurts to know that in process of losing Alec, he may have lost his friends as well.

“And for whom? Camille! God man you are such who-” she couldn’t complete her sentence rather a word which Magnus understood., since Simon interrupted her.

“IZZY!!!” he shouted at her. Magnus swallowed hard, he needed to make a move or it would lead to an argument and Magnus didn't want to be the reason for their fight.

“’What?? I’m just speaking the words which are true, well someone has to after everything he did with Alec!” she talked in an angry tone with Simon and Simon was looking at her with horror face.

“It’s ok Simon” Magnus interrupted before it could get out of hand. Then he turned to a very angry looking Izzy “Look, Isabelle, I don’t know what Alec told you, but whatever happened between us, the separation was mutual and we talked as he told me not to contact him unless it’s necessary, so I am doing exactly what Alec asked me to do. And as far you are blaming me this all on me, I get it. After all, he is your brother and whatever justification I give you won’t matter, even if I assumed we were friends and you did care for me outside of being just Alec’s boyfriend, but I guess I was wrong.” He rubbed his thumb over his right hand which was closed in a fist nervously, as he knew the bitter truth, whatever friendship he had with Alec’s siblings, will go down once something goes wrong between them.

‘For starters, Alec’s siblings will turn against you’ Raphaël had warned him, they were collecting, well mostly Raphaël, the cons of leaving alec, after he had his date with Camille.

He had collected more than hundreds of them, in which half of those stated Camille is a bitch and Alec is an Angel. While Raphael kept telling him how his sibling won’t want to be friends with him, which will result in the turning force of Simon and Clary to turn their backs on him as well. And he kept constantly brushing off these worries telling Raphael how wrong he is. But see, here he is, questioning himself, as Raphael’s words were so true. He snorted, feeling utterly betrayed. 'Well just look the years of friendship which is now dusted just because I broke up with their brother.'

“Yeah, I guess you are wrong about that. What makes you think I’ll just let go of this that easily. And yes, it’s true, losing Alec means you have lost my friendship and Simon’s as well.” She declared furiously and Magnus scoffed as if he was just waiting for these words. Yesterday, with Alec he had everything, and now he has lost Alec and all his friends, whom he assumed was his family. Was he nothing without Alec? He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry on his situation, at least he was now aware of his place.

He was about to answer when he heard Simon mumbling something.

 

“You can’t decide that for me,” Simon replied whispering and looking down at his shoes. Isabelle was scary and Magnus had a fair idea how much Simon scared of her and never said something against her. That’s why he was a little surprised when Simon said something against her.

 

“Excuse me?” she asked again, her fuming gaze leaving from Magnus to Simon.

“Well you heard me right, you can’t take the decision from my side and there are always two people involved in a relationship, in case you have forgotten.” He said as a matter of fact and Magnus wasn’t sure if he was talking about his relationship with Alec or their's. “As you can see, it takes two people to build a relationship and exactly two people to break that off, you just can’t take all the blame on Magnus and that is that.” The conversation was really getting heated at the moment. And if Magnus doesn't do anything, then another breakup was on the line as Simon had a lot to say.

 

“Simon, please stop, it’s alright,” Magnus said getting in between Izzy and him, placing his hand on Simon’s chest. “Please.” he again tried as Simon was getting all angry.

 

“No Magnus. She can’t control everything, she can't control me,” he spoke with patience and his voice straight, not yelling at all. Magnus glanced at Izzy who was looking at Simon as if this wasn’t the sweet, caring Simon that she knew. “And really, breaking your long friendship with your brother’s ex, just because they aren’t a thing, is just childish don’t you think.” He added with humour and Izzy blinked at him out of surprise. “See from Magnus’s side as well, then you will understand.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Izzy asked him as if the words Simon just said were hard to believe. Magnus felt really bad, he knew Simon had some problems with their relationship, but with the return of Raphael, it seemed they had magnified. And those problems were going to explode if he didn’t talk with Simon about it. 

“Since when you learned to go against me!” She said with anger and now that was ridiculous. How can she suppose Simon to be under her thumb all the time, that poor boy has an opinion too?

Simon closed his eyes and inhaled sharply before opening them.

“That’s the problem with you Lightwoods, you all think that in a relationship, it is only one opinion that matters. It happened with Magnus and it has been happening to me since I started dating.” He confessed, and he can hear Isabelle gasping out of surprise.

“I love you, Isabelle, I really do.” Simon said taking her hand in his “But I really need to think about this.” and with that, he was out of the cabin with teary eyes.

Izzy sat on the chair, taking everything that just happened in front of her, did Simon just break up with her?

Magnus felt bad, he was the one witness this and maybe, maybe his situation was the reason that triggered all those fears and insecurities Simon was having.

“Well congratulations.” he could hear Izzy’s humourless laugh as she got up. “This is all because of you, and if you think I hated you before, it has now magnified by a thousand times now!" She exclaimed and with that, she was out of the cabin as well.

“Isabelle.” Magnus tried to call but she was out of the sight as if she had run off the building.

Magnus went back to his desk and collapsed on the chair. He took his head in his own hands with all the thoughts filling his mind. His life is so fucked up right now.

\--

Alec tossed from one side to another in his bed. After his short meet with Izzy, he came back into his new apartment and since then he didn’t leave the bed. He took that business card which Jace had given him, stared at it for good ten minutes, deciding whether he should call or not. He made up his mind, he was going to call. So, he took a good minute to type those numbers and was about to press a call button when a loud bang on the door disturbed him.

 

It was Izzy, she let herself in with the spare key she had.

 

“How can you love such a horrible person!” She did nothing but shout at Alec as soon as her gaze dropped on Alec, who was sulking over a man who had left him for a woman. He didn’t know what had gotten into Izzy to make her this mad. Did she meet with Magnus, did Magnus talk about him, was he sad too? Again, the way his sister looked, it didn’t seem to be a good meet.

 

“What do you mean? Did you meet him?” Still, he asked hoping for the better.

Again, she sat silently, so Alec has to ask.

“Izzy, what happened?” He asked softly, guessing from her silence he understood that she was trying to calm herself down.

 

“Simon spoke against me because of him” She finally spoke. “Alec, he thinks I control him, he was there in Magnus’s cabin when I went to pay Magnus a little visit. When I asked what he is doing there, he told me that he is checking in on Magnus.” She snorted before continuing. “As if he needs that, and when I told him I don't want to be the friends with him anymore, due to the horrible things he has done to you, he denied and told me that I can’t keep him controlling. I mean I know I am hard to get along with, but I always assumed he understood me.” She explained with the long sigh. And Alec just listened, it’s not like he can give an advice to her right now and definitely not related to relationships. But even someone who hasn’t been in a relationship can also tell how wrong Izzy was.

 

No one can tell others to break the friendship with another person since things didn’t go as they wished. No wonder why Simon felt so controlled. He was conflicted between comforting her or telling her the truth about how he feels over this situation. As much as he loved her sister he had to tell her when she was wrong. So, he went with the other option.

 

“Izzy” he called her softly “You can’t tell Simon whom he can he and cannot be friends with. He is a grown man and I am sure he can make those decisions for himself, and yeah maybe you are just a bit, controlling, a little bit okay?” Alec said chuckling and Izzy rolled her eyes, smiling a little.

 

“A little?” she asked as Alec looked at her with an amused grin.

 

“Talk to him” he advised “I am sure he will understand, he is very understanding” Izzy hummed in the response. “And as for the things concerning Magnus” he took a deep breath, he didn’t want to be a reason why his sister breaks the friendship they had. And god knows which horrible things she has said to Magnus. “Things that have happened are between us and us only. You can be angry with him for that, but please, please don’t break your precious friendship over this, that isn’t fair on Magnus” he stated calmly. Izzy stayed silent after all wrapped in her own thoughts and Alec guessed she has already ruined it.

 

“I think it's little late for that,” she stated before getting up. “I should probably get going,  I have to go talk with Simon. I just hope I haven’t ruined everything.”

“I am sure you haven’t,” Alec said while hugging her, kissing her on temple before she left.

\--

Magnus was still in his cabin when Camille entered with her flashy smile, Magnus didn’t register that since he was long lost in his thoughts. What is wrong with him? He didn’t do the thing on intention, but somehow, all was screwed at the end of the day. While he did blame the situation he was in, but maybe, just maybe, Simon was having those doubts already and that the whole fight with Izzy wasn’t his fault. But he couldn’t think like that, he was still blaming himself and thinking about all the wrong things those were going in his life, that he missed a few sentences Camille was saying.

 

“Huh.” He blinked at her, turning a little so he could see her face, she was leaning over his shoulder from behind the chair.

 

“I said we could go and catch the restaurant you have been talking about since a very long time, of course, after your office hours and then maybe we could get back to your house, you know, just to chill out.” She suggested seductively, brushing her lips over Magnus’s cheeks.

Magnus’s mind blanked even more if that was possible. He couldn’t think about anything but Alec, and what he would have done after seeing Magnus in this situation? He would have been devastated, seeing Magnus all sulking and here he was, Camille for whom he has claimed to have feelings in front of Alec, for whom he has hurt Alec beyond repair. Camille did like him, at least she made it look like that, but why wasn’t she showing care for him, did she not sense Magnus’s disappointing face. He sighed and brushed aside the thoughts he was having, now was not the time. But still, the worry was there.

 

“Can’t you see Camille, now is not the time,” he snapped at her was detangling himself from her tight hold. He stood up suddenly and went near the glass from where he can see the sight of working city.

 

“What!!” she fired back at him, anger was clear in her voice. It took all the patience in Magnus not to sa something back at her which he will regret in the future, instead, he stayed dead silent, just watching through the glass window.

 

“Why do you always avoid the talk of sex, or when I ask you to go to your place to have a little fun, we are adults in case you have forgotten.” She complained again and Magnus gowned out of frustration.

 

Yes, he was well aware of that, Camille asking him almost every date about going back to his or her place. It wasn’t like he can get through it, it was just, it was hard for him. After everything has happened with Alec, after everything they have been through, he just needed some time before he can take that step with someone other than Alec.

 

But Camille wouldn’t let it go, would she? He inhaled sharply and then exhaled, to control his anger. There wasn’t any point in just shouting around. He should explain to her, and hope for her to understand.

 

“It’s hard for me” he whispered, remain calm and alert on what was he saying “I am going to say what I feel about it, whether you like it or not. It’s not like I don’t want it, I do really do, but...”

 

He paused, wondering where his words took off. He turned to look at Camille who was observing with angry eyes.

 

“But what Magnus?” she hissed with anger again.

 

“But you have to understand, I just got out of a relationship with the only man I’ve been for almost my entire life, and for me to be ready to take next step, it will take time, whether you like it or not.” He finally blurted out before thinking, and after seeing Camille’s reaction, he went through the words he just spilt. And they so were wrong to say to the person he was currently seeing. It seemed like ‘I can't have sex with you, because I am still stuck on my ex and his memories’ no no, that wasn’t what he meant, or did he. He was so confused.

 

“Camille” he called for her, but she just stared at her, before turning and leaving with anger without saying anything to magnus. Magnus watched her leaving, his brain was yelling at him to go after her, but his mind, well it was saying so many things. One of them was, go home and text to Alec. Talk to him.

He took his mobile from the table and opened the message box by clinking on Alec’s number. He could still talk with him, at least he hoped for that. But again, Alec’s word rang into his mind and it didn’t seem right to disturb him when he got a clear instruction from him not to.

 

He threw his phone on the chair, carelessly. It was late, it was too late.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologise for the delay :)  
> Hope y'all enjoy the chapter!

As he promised Jace, Alec started to take his regular sessions with Jem in the hope of forgetting Magnus and his memories, completely. However, he already knew that plan isn’t going to work, but he could at least try to get control over his current situation. Which was worse. He has lost some weight due to his ignorance of food. But he tried, tried to control his urges of running right into Magnus’s arms, kissing every inch of his skin, desperately hoping for Magnus to tell him this is just a bad dream and it is over now. But reality always sucks, isn’t it?

Somewhere in their sessions, jem inquired if he has loved someone else than Magnus. until then he carefully left Magnus out of his questions. But then also, it didn’t stop Alec from bringing Magnus in the conversation. So, he was surprised to have this question from jem. Jem was a good listener, he understood Alec and how he was going through the toughest period of his life. Thus, Alec decided to tell him the truth, it might help him get over Magnus.

“I know Magnus since we were kids, from then only, he is this dashing, shiny person who can engage anyone in conversation. And I’m exactly the opposite, maybe that was the reason I always enjoyed his company. It wasn’t until my 14th birthday when I realized my strong feelings for him, my entire world will light up whenever he was in the room” Alec smiled over the memory, how Magnus kissed his cheek after giving him birthday wishes, hugging him closely like he was something precious. “eventually, we became a thing, and I was all over the cloud nine. Those were the happiest days for me. After school, I went for college to another country, I thought that would break our relationship, but we survived long distance and that made me think, we will never break, but we did, we did” trying to hide the tears which were forming in his eyes, he shifted on the seat, no more tears, that’s what he has promised, not to anyone, but himself. “so, my point is, no, I haven’t, bu-but I want to try, I want to be happy again” he finished with long sigh, jem gave him little node, smiling as he must be feeling proud about Alec.

“that’s good to know Alec, I’m sure your siblings will be proud to know this,” Jem said Alec, smiled at him in return. Jace and Izzy have been very supportive, from constantly doing something just to cheer Alec’s mood up to staying a night so they could be there for Alec and Alec won’t feel alone at night.

“I hope so, I’ll see you tomorrow jem” he smiled before turning and leaving the room. Admitting someone else about what he wants, he suddenly felt relieved? the smile never left from his face as he left the room, feeling confident like it is his new chance.

He gave smile to the brother-sister duo who were seating on the bench, waiting for their turn. The boy always smiled and winked at Alec whenever he would pass by them, leaving Alec all confused and blushing. Was he, was he interested in me? Alec always though. He needed a new start and for that, he must try. When the girl got into the doctor’s room, he made his way towards the other one.

“H-hi” Alec tried to be confident, he really did, but damn, that was difficult.

“Hello there. I’m glad one of us took the first step, you know” the guy said with a teasing tone, making Alec blush hard.

“huh?”

“by the first step I mean, talking. You know, just staring at each other wasn’t going to help anyone, for the matter” he said slyly, Alec chuckled, usually, this kind of forwardness made him uncomfortable, but this wasn’t like that, at all.

“Yeah, you are right” again he replied lamely.

“I’m Jamie” flashing his perfect smile, Jamie, as he told him just now, stretched his hand for the handshake.

“I-I am, Alec” Alec stammered, controlling the groan that was escaping from his mouth as he tried his best not to look an idiot. But Jamie didn’t laugh at him, moreover, he smiled brightly at Alec after hearing his name.  
_  
Smirking confidently, he pointed over the seat next to him “what a beautiful name for a pretty face” he winked at Alec before he took the seat.

Alec thought it was a great start, they exchanged numbers before parting away. Alec then took a walk towards his house in order to clear his mind and think about what just happened. Jamie seemed great, so they started to talk before Jamie asked Alec on a date, on which Alec did say yes, but his heart was still worried about this idea, the idea of letting someone in again, but was he ready? At this point in his life he wasn’t sure of anything, so he just thought to go on with the flow.

Unfollowing Magnus on social media was childish, Alec thought, so instead, he deleted all his social accounts, which wasn’t less childish act, as Izzy has told him. He even deleted Magnus’s number and was ready to delete their pictures. But that meant deleting their memories, he didn’t want this, he had the time of his life with Magnus, but still seeing those pictures again was the painful reminder of how Magnus has betrayed their love, so transferring all the data I a hard drive Alec gave it to Izzy to keep it safe for him, he wasn’t sure he will be able to see those memories again, but still he doesn’t want to completely flush it from his brain.

Speaking of Izzy, she was going through some stress over Simon and her relationship. True, they had a fight, last month, but after that Izzy tried her best to make up it for Simon. But that damn bastard was lost in his own world. Alec observed how helpless Simon looked the other night when they were all gathered for their regular drinks. That made him realize, the pain Simon was going through, was it like his? And if it is then why he was living like this making his and Izzy’s life miserable. He decided to talk with Simon, not for Simon, but for Izzy, see if he could make his baby sister smile again.  
__  
Jamie was joining them, first time Alec was going to introduce him as a boyfriend to the whole group. It felt weird but exciting. He always respected the opinion of his siblings and friends, so this matters for him a lot. He was sure Magnus won’t be there, Izzy and Jace were trying their best to be nice with Magnus as Alec has warned them saying this, Magnus and him separating isn’t the reason to break your friendship with them as well. He really was glad to have someone by his side, someone who cared for him, but that wasn’t fair to Magnus, and he won’t let that happen. Still, he was sure Magnus won’t be there tonight, that makes five months in a row without even seeing each other, let alone talking.

“your boyfriend is one hella hooootieee” Izzy sang near Alec’s face, she was holding a beer in her hand with her other hand hanging over Alec’s shoulder, freely shifting her weight over Alec’s side. She was wasted, and Alec didn’t have to guess the reason behind it. He roamed his eyes in the room, Simon was seated on a chair in the corner, sulking while drinking beer. He needs to talk with Simon, like now. Guiding Izzy towards the nearest chair, he made his way towards Simon.

“Hey si, are you ok” Simon glanced at him, returning the small smile with a nod. Alec didn’t know how to start a conversation, so he sat near him, trying to find the right words to start the conversation.

Before he could say anything, Simon spoke, his voice was shaky as if he was about to cry.

“How to forget your first love, Alec?” Simon blurted, and next thing Alec guessed he might have thought was regretting those words as if that was his biggest secret.

How can someone completely brainwash the person whom they loved once, who was their first everything? Alec wasn’t the right person to be asked about this. But his thought was- you can’t forget about your first love, somewhere you must just get used to the feelings, and the facts. Alec was trying the same, suppressing his love for Magnus and trying to live in the denial where he can tell the world that he has finally gotten himself over Magnus and found himself a new boyfriend. Yey! Everything is perfect again. But it wasn’t. although, he won’t be telling this to anyone, not after all the Magnus got because of this.

“What happened, Simon?” he still asked, it knew it wasn’t about him, but the problem Izzy and Simon were going through.

“it-it’s just” he sighed, leaving the bottle on the table “Raphael is back in the town, I-I wanted to see him, so that’s what I did” he already had tears in his eyes as he tried to explain, Alec knew the feeling very well, he can understand how exactly Simon was feeling. “I wanted him back, I know it sounds selfish, but we, Izzy and I were having problems back when I went to him. But you know what he told me, he said, he can’t come between us, that won’t be fair to Izzy. I mean he is right, I know he is. Tell me, Alec, what is right?” Simon asked with hope in his eyes, tears gathering in his eyes, as it seemed he was trying his best not to cry. Their situation wasn’t different, Alec remembered. But, how can he make decisions for Izzy and Simon, it wasn’t his place.

“Simon, if the whole thing is hurting you both, then you should talk to Izzy about this. I’m sure you haven’t told her, right? Please talk with her” he managed to say, giving Simon assuring smile,

“yeah, yeah you are right” Simon replied, “I think it will be better if I tell her how I feel about this whole situation.”

Hoping they will be at a better place, Alec returned to his boyfriend.  
\--  
When Raphael was on his way towards Magnus’s apartment, mostly to check on Magnus who wasn’t returning his calls, he heard some voices, some of those were of things being broken on the ground. Magnus has been acting weird for the past few days, he wasn’t very active when they met last time, he also had a scratch on his hand, while asking how that happened, he just brushed away the topic by diverting it to Simon and him. Honestly, seeing Simon after all those years was hard, but telling him no, was the hardest. From what little he has known about Simon and Isabell’s relationship, is that Izzy has always been there for him, she has loved him, stood by his side when Raphael decided to give more credits to his career than Simon. Thus, he did what was right, at least he hoped what he did was right.

“God! You are such a whiney” he heard Camille roaring, probably at Magnus, he also heard Magnus practically crying out due to the pain he must be feeling, “I told you, I don’t want to see that faggots’ picture anymore in my house, don’t you understand English, you little bastard?” Raphael hurried inside, only to see the horrifying scene in front of him

Magnus was on the ground, there were tears on his cheeks, eyes blood red, one hand covering his right cheek, which Raphael was sure, was bruised. Raphael saw some of the broken pieces of a plate on the ground just beside Magnus and he thought, oh Magnus why you make her control her like this?  
\--  
Magnus stared blankly in the spot in front of him, he wasn’t feeling anything, what was there to feel anymore.

First time this happened, he was stalking Alec’s Instagram, just to see how the other was doing. Apparently, Alec has found someone, his hear broke a little ore seeing Alec smiling while, the other man, probably his new boyfriend kissed him on the cheek. Alec has moved on, he was happy, without Magnus. if someone asked Magnus, he would have told that Alec’s happiness is what matters for him but seeing him with someone else and not being the source of Alec’s happiness anymore, that hurt, and he kept looking at a picture until Camille saw him what he was doing.

She then yelled at Magnus, called him names before throwing a wine glass towards him, which left a scratch on his hand, his skin burning with pain. Then it continued to happen, whenever Camille was frustrated she would take out her anger on Magnus, Magnus, too, let her do whatever she wanted. He was being coward, he knew it. He just thought, this is what he deserved, this is what he should be getting after breaking Alec’s and his heart as well. He deserved this.

A loud noise of someone slapping brought Magnus back from his own painful world.

“Get out” it was Raphael, he didn’t even realize when raph entered the house, was it before Camille threw that plate at him? Well, that is embarrassing. “get the hell out of the house before I kill you” the anger was clear in his voice. He heard Camille's laugh, which can easily prove how evil she might sound.

“This is my house,” she said firmly “Magnus, here, is a sweetheart, he doesn’t even look into the documents he has to sign, does he?” Camille has tricked him, again. She has somehow made Magnus sign those property pages. Great, Magnus’s foolishness made him lose his home too, this was just great. Suddenly, it became hard for him to breath, it was too much. Camille and Raphael were still arguing, and he couldn’t tell what they were saying as his hearing was not working, he collapsed on the ground with a loud thud which may have brought raph’s attention as he was by his side the moment later.

“raph, I-I can't bre-breath” he managed to let out the words, chocking on it. Hang on Magnus was the last words before everything blacked out.  
\--  
Raphael was sitting on a bench just outside the operation room, he had buried his head in the palm of his hands, as he wasn’t sure what was happening to Magnus. how can he let someone like Camille manipulate him? What if he was in danger? What if this thing, whatever it was, was dangerous for him? How careless Magnus can be if he decided to be stubborn. Raph promised himself, he would kick Magnus’s ass when he gets better.

He startled when someone kept their hand on his shoulder, it was the doctor.

“Are you a relative of the patient?” he asked, and it didn’t take Raphael any time to nod, Magnus was like a brother to him, yes, they weren’t related, but they were more to each other than any related siblings.

“can you come to my office?” he asked, and Raphael felt sudden worry about Magnus, what that bastard has gotten himself into?

“doctor, please tell this isn’t anything serious? That Magnus is alright?” he asked with trembling words as soon as he entered that doctor’s cabin.

“please take a seat” he offered him a glass of water. After a few minutes, when Raphael was all calmed down, doctor handled him the report.  
“Is Magnus a regular drinker?” the doctor asked, that made Raphael worry more. Yes, Magnus was drinking a lot since he left Alec, but it’s not like drinking started from that moment. But what it has to do with all of this?

“kind of” he replied, still scared from what was coming.

“You have to be strong for what I’m going to tell you now” the doctor sighed “It’s noticed that, Magnus’s kidney has damaged” the doctor replied, and Raphael didn’t know how to react.

“WHAT??” he asked just to be confirmed “is-is he?” he tried to keep his voice normal, not wanting to show any weak side of his when his friend needs him the most.

“He is alright,” the doctor said Raphael let out the breath of relief. but, little he knew, there was a better chance of having some effects of the situation.

“he has to follow all diet we will be suggesting in the report. Also, about the alcohol”

“I’ll talk to him, it’s just, recently he has been through a lot” Magnus didn’t like it when someone took a pity on him, but anyone who will see him in his current situation will know how badly he is been hurting. He as even thinking about talking with Alec, Alec was the only one Magnus always listened to. So, he will at least start to be like a Magnus he has always known. But from what information he has, Alec has already moved on and was happy with his new boyfriend. Thus, he hesitated with bringing Alec in this again.

Once the things with the doctor were discussed, he decided to visit Magnus who already has gained his consciousness.

“hi” he called for Magnus, who was staring in a blank space, in front of him, his face unreadable, as he has lost in some unending loophole which he has created for himself. “how are you feeling?” Magnus didn’t flinch a bit, instead, he stayed there, stone-like.

“Magnus” when reply didn’t come, Raphael went near Magnus, sitting on the edge of the bed he gently nudged Magnus.

“WHAT!” Magnus snapped, pressing his lips together Raphael tried to be patient with him.

“I asked how you were feeling?”

“I feel like a shit raph, li-like I’m the biggest coward in the world. I got beaten up by a woman, can you believe that?” Raphael wasn’t sure if Magnus was aware of tears dropping on his cheeks, but that didn’t stop him from saying whatever rubbish things he was thinking about himself. “fuck, how can I be so stupid, i-i lost him, I lost him forever” holding Raphael's shirt tightly, Magnus buried his face in his chest, sobbing loudly.

“Magnus, please stop, you just recovered, it’s not good for your health” Raphael tried to explain him better, but Magnus wasn’t taking any, he was, in fact crying loudly.

“Magnus, hey, Magnus” Raphael tried to shake him from shoulders, but again Magnus has gone still in his arms, blinking his tears away, he tried to take control over his emotions.

“I destroyed my life, raph. There is nothing left for me, why am I even breathing?” Magnus let out a helpless breath as Raphael's heart broke hearing what Magnus was implying.

“Listen, whatever happened isn’t your fault, surely, what you did with Alec was, but the things Camille did with you, you are not responsible for that, do you hear me?” he said firmly, shaking Magnus out of his oblivion. “That bitch was sick, who took advantage of your condition, you didn’t deserve it Magnus, and don’t you ever think about giving up on your li-” Raphael’s own voice broke after thinking about the meaning behind Magnus’s words and how horrible it sounded.

“after discharge, you are coming to live with me, and then we will figure it out, make things right. Yeah?”

“yeah, okay, I can do that” Magnus replied, smiling through his tears.

“Now, rest you fool, I’ll be here when you wake up” Magnus nodded and did what he was told.   
\--  
One day, after Magnus was discharged and Raphael was on the way of their regular coffee shop, they ran into Isabelle and Simon. Well, what a surprise, Magnus observed how Isabelle’s face fell when he saw Magnus, but things were getting better between them, there wasn’t any reason she will frown at him like this, unless, she was looking at someone else. Indeed, she was looking with anger at Raphael, who was nervously glancing at Simon.

In between his kidney problem and the problem with Camille, Magnus totally forgot about the thing between Simon and his dear friend. He decided to talk with raph, today only.

He decided to break the awkward silence, but before that, Raphael nudged him on the shoulder, “I’ll see you inside” Magnus nodded and saw how Raphael’s eyes landed on Simon before he went inside the café.

“Magnus” Simon said loudly while hugging Magnus. Magnus gasped as Simon hugged him without any warning. “I’m glad you are fine, Raphael messaged me when everything happened. I was worried sick, but you know, I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you in the hospital, it's just-” Simon didn’t complete his sentence, but he didn’t have to since Magnus understood very well. He and Isabelle were already having problems, he didn’t want to add another because of him.

“Don’t bother si, I’m just alright, see?” he pointed at his body, gaining a soft laugh from the Simon.

“Wai, what happened?” Izzy asked, who was listening to their conversation.

“Nothing, you should worry about dear” Magnus replied, giving her his brightest smile, who just frowned in response.

“C’mon Magnus, you are my friend, of course, I want to know” she replied. ‘friend’ wow, how great that sounded, but were they really? She was furious at Magnus after those things happened between him and Alec, and now this? Was she being serious? Suddenly she came near and locked their arms together.

“I know, I wasn’t the best for last few days, friends don’t give up on other friends easily. I’m sorry for making you believe that you didn’t mean anything to me outside your relationship with Alec, but you know what, I missed you, that made me realize how wrong I was and for that, I’m really really sorry” she said, kissing Magnus’s cheek, yes, how he missed those old days.

“I missed you too, my dear” Magnus replied softly.

“Alright, now be a good friend and tell me what happened to you?” Magnus shrugged, untangling from her arm. He was hesitating while telling her this, he didn’t want her to tell this to Alec who will worry for nothing. They still haven’t seen each other, and Alec was happy, let him happy for once so Magnus wasn’t sure if telling Izzy was a good idea.

“I’ll tell you” Simon, jumped in the conversation.

“It’s nothing, I just have to control my alcohol and diet, take those exhausting doctor’s appointment every twice a week, aaand listen to Raphael’s shitty commands.” He sighed dramatically. “You have to drink that juice magus, stop being a child Magnus, wake up we have an appointment Magnus” Magnus tried to copy Raphael, trying to distract Izzy from being tensed over him.

She then came close and hugged him. “Whatever it is, I’m here for you Magnus, I’m sorry it took me this long” she sounded genuine, it wasn’t like she was taking some pity over him.

“Thank you. I think Raphael has already tired of me, I need someone else to take me to those appointments” he chuckled nervously. “also, it-it will be better if you keep this away from him” Magnus whispered, looking down, still ashamed of what happened between them.

“But Magnus, he needs to-” Isabelle tried to protest but Magnus knew what he was doing.

“No, he doesn’t need to take the burden of my problems anymore, he is happy, and I don’t want to take that away from him” he replied. “anyways, it was great seeing you too, we should really catch up sometime. For now, I should get going, or raph will literally kill me” giving Simon and Izzy final hug, he went inside the café.   
\--  
It was Alec’s birthday and as always, Izzy threw him a party that too in Pandemonium. As soon as he went inside, he was greeted by his crazy friends, cheering for him, singing happy birthday in rhythm. Alec’s cheek flushed since everyone in the club was staring at him and he didn’t like being center of attention at all. He glared at Izzy before going towards them and saying to keep quiet.

“you guys, you didn’t have to,” Alec said in his usual tone, this is his way to appreciate the efforts. He was hugged by Izzy and Jace before they got settled in one of the booths. Alec noticed that Magnus wasn’t there with the others, so he glanced at the bar to see if Magnus went the bring the drinks, but still, there was no sign of Magnus.

He glanced at Izzy, who already was looking at him, very well knowing what exactly rather who Alec was looking for. She gave sympathetic look and shook her head silently telling him that Magnus isn’t here. And he won’t be surprised if Magnus doesn’t show up today, why would he? It’s not like they talk with each other anymore, which killed Alec day by day. Besides he might be busy with his one true love, Camille. Alec knew thinking about this isn’t going to get him anywhere, but still, he hoped to see Magnus today…on his birthday.

The topic of Magnus was banned from their discussion, thus Alec having no idea what was going on with Magnus lately. He didn’t ask Izzy, and Izzy didn’t bother to tell him. But from whatever he gathered, Izzy and Magnus were back on the track, so did Jace. Thy both, forgave him which was a relief. But what hurt most was Izzy ‘s thing with Simon being broken. Yes, they talked, and Simon told her, he needs some time to figure everything, making him leave o his hometown. He didn’t ask Izzy to wait for him, just told her to be happy with every breath she takes ahead, which was great, but Izzy was broken making Alec worry about her even more.

Anyways, about Magnus, right, he doesn’t want to think about him, neither does he want to hope to see Magnus today. Clearing his throat, he got up to have some drink, thinking that will make his pain go away.

“I am going to get myself a drink, anyone needs anything?” he asked looking towards his friends, who shook their heads. Alec sighed, sitting on a booth beside Jamie, he was not getting out of his own sad world, does he?

“buddy, it’s your night” it was Jace was enthusiastically jumped up and kept his hand on Alec’s shoulder, Alec doubted that Jace might already be tipsy, from the way he was behaving “you relax, big bro, I’ll get them for you” he added, trying to wink at Alec.

Alec was glancing back and forth between the entrance and the other's, still, some part of him believed that Magnus will be there for his birthday, he never missed it, and because of Magnus he liked celebrating his birthday. Alec felt like it wasn’t fair to Jamie who was sitting next to him, having leaned on Alec’s body by holding their hands under the table, but it’s not like he was cheating on Jamie by thinking about Magnus, it was normal.

He was so focused in his thoughts that he didn't even realize someone sitting in front of him, greeting everyone else. He looked up only to see Magnus, and there, there was that feeling that had his heart beating fast against the ribcage, even after Magnus had crushed his heart into pieces. He scanned Magnus, trying not to look way too obvious. This was the first time they were facing after their horrible breakup, Alec recalled, and a sudden shiver ran through his body leaving his hands shaking... Magnus was looking beautiful, as always, he was wearing Alec’s favorite shirt and then there were his perfect hairs and make-up. God, will he ever get over this feeling, feeling of his body functioning or not after Magnus keeping his foot in the same room as Alec.

But he was looking way too tired, and wait, did he lose some weight? Because he was looking so small, what the hell was going on with Magnus? sudden worry made Alec fear about his health, and he wanted to ask Magnus what was wrong, there and now only.

Alec missed few lines Jamie was saying, and sudden guilt, the guilt of not being completely honest with his current boyfriend took place in his all thoughts, so he hurriedly turned his attention to what Jamie was saying.

"Wanna dance," Jamie asked Alec while brushing his lips on Alec’s cheeks, Alec glanced at Magnus, checking if there is any effect of this on him. But Magnus was too busy talking with Clary that he didn't even notice Alec’s existence anymore, so why would he care if Alec does anything with anyone.

He nodded at Jamie and voluntarily took his hand while leading to the dance floor. He just doesn’t want to ruin the excitement of the night because Magnus showed and didn't show any interest in Alec.  
\--  
Magnus wasn't sure what he was doing here, Raphael warned him about not coming to the party because he was feeling too tired as compared to the previous night. But it was Alec’s birthday, he never missed one and he isn’t going to miss now. Surely, they haven’t seen each other in months, eight to be precise, but he wouldn’t want to miss this.

however now that he is here, he wasn't sure if this was a great idea. He was normal with his other friends, but he still hasn’t talked with Alec or got a chance to get introduced with Alec’s new boyfriend. The things between Alec and how we're still odd and tense so didn't try to push anything that will make Alec uncomfortable. After arriving, he saw how close Alec was sitting with his boyfriend and how they were lost in their own world. That made him recall his time with Alec, how Alec and he will lose in each other, forgetting about the others, it made him jealous. He wanted to have Alec’s friendship back but wasn't sure if Alec wants the same. And then there was the other thing too, he missed him so much.

he tried his best to stop having these kinds of thoughts about his ex, he really did. But the memories they had together were still fresh and still hunting him whenever he was alone at his loft. He ignored his aching heart and tried his best to concentrate on what Clary was saying.

sighing heavily, he glanced in the direction where Alec was dancing, closely with his boyfriend who had his head buried in Alec’s neck, holding him close.

"He is happier you know, I haven't seen him this happy, not after you know, everything” he turned around as Izzy gave him her sad smile. He wasn’t sure how to respond that, of course, he wants Alec to be happy and now he is, that should make Magnus happy too, but that just left his heart aching a bit more. “I’m glad you came, by the way. It’s about time you two start to talk again, I’m sure Alec will want to know about the situation you are going through Magnus, he needs to-” Izzy started, although she was right, Alec has been a huge part of his life, but he couldn’t handle the worried look in Alec’s eyes after everything that has happened. It will make him have hope, false hope he might add, that’s why he didn’t want Alec to know.

“No” he cut her short “you are the one who said he is happy and believes me, that’s the first thing I want for Alec, and I don’t want to make him worry about nothing” there, admitting he is nothing for Alec was hard, but that’s how the things are now, aren’t they?

“Magnus, it’s nothing, you should know this. Surely, Alec has moved on, but he cares about you. I admit, you made a mistake, but, don’t let that make you keep Alec from knowing something like this, something this huge, please Magnus” Izzy was looking at him with hopeful eyes, Magnus again glanced at Alec who was now slow dancing with Jamie, he had his eyes closed with hint of a small grin on his face, no Magnus can’t do this, can’t pull Alec into his mess. He shook his head, dismissively, staring at empty glass Izzy was holding.

  
“Let me get a drink for you, my dear” he stood up, suddenly. God, only he knew how much he was restraining himself from drinking today, Raphael will kill him he tried to drink.

when he was making his way back to the booth, having a glass of drink in his hand, he bumped into someone.

"Easy there" of course, the person must be Jamie "would not be an excellent idea if you ruin that shirt ha?" He said, smirking at Magnus, Magnus could see why Alec liked this guy, he was confident, very handsome if he might add and a well-dressed too.

Smiling at Jamie, Magnus took a step back. “yea-yeah” he replied. He was about to leave when someone called for Jamie from behind.

"What is taking you so long" it was a familiar voice, a voice which sounded like coming home, always a sound which made Magnus’s inside on fire, a sound which belonged to the person Magnus has loved, still do, it was Alec. Magnus remained frozen on a place, staring at Alec, as his heart was pounding loudly, giving him shivering. So, that’s it huh? this is how he was going to face Alec after all those months of radio silence. Alec, on the other hand, was cool, like seeing Magnus didn’t even affect him.

" Magnus" Alec greeted, a little breathless like he was relieved to see Magnus here, but Magnus couldn’t figure out why. "hey"

"Hello Alexander" Magnus replied with his bright smile, he heard Jamie snorting and turned to look what was so funny.

“I think, you don’t know this, but Alec doesn’t like it when someone calls him by his full name” Jamie explained, kissing Alec on the cheek, Magnus frowned, of course, Alec hasn’t told about them to Jamie., why would he.

“umm, yeah, right” he muttered, not trying to make this awkward for Alec “happy birthday, Alec,” he said as Alec nodded at him, giving him small smile before Magnus turned and went to the booth.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about Magnus's medical conditions is there, but I'm not a expert in the are, not even know a little, but from what I've found out, I tried to write as per it!  
> Sorry for mistakes :)

A few more months passed since the birthday party. Magnus was slowly recovering, was also following each and everything doctors has suggested him. He was getting a good grip of himself at his work as well, he knew how strong he must be if he wants everything to be like before.

  
Still, he missed Alec, terribly so, he constantly found himself being depressed over the fact that he was missing him like needing air for breathing. Alec was happy though. From what Simon told him, Jamie asked Alec to move in with him and Alec did, of course he did, after all, Alec loved his new boyfriend.

  
Day by day, Magnus was in search of new hope, hope that will give something to look forward to, but without Alec, it all was looking in vain. He was trying, hard, if someone asks him, but after everything, he couldnt smile like before. But then again, he was the object of his own destruction. And after a few more days, he started to believe that this is what he deserved, this is what he gets when he put someone so close to the heart in an agony of heartbreak. Eventually, he closed off and he didn't even know when he started to live a depressed life.

  
Raphael was worried about him, so was Simon. Speaking of them, Magnus was seeing quite a lot of Simon around, now that Simon was determined to show his feelings for Raphael, which was there even after their separation. How Magnus prayed, it was him and Alec instead of them. But he was happy for them, overall. Isabelle was also trying to move on and meet new people, which was great, everyone around him was happy in their little world. Magnus hoped to have that too one day.

  
“Are you going to come or what?” Raphael groaned, he was getting irritated by how stubbornly Magnus was acting these days, he wasn't socializing at all, and that wasn't the Magnus he knew. And it feared Raphael that Magnus would lose himself if he kept behaving like this, thus he was insisting on going out today.

  
“I don't want to be the third wheel” Magnus pouted, furrowing his brows together.

  
“you won't, we aren’t even together” he heard Raphael whispering, that idiot., still hasn't asked Simon out.

  
“seriously, I don't know what is keeping you from asking him out? That poor child is waiting, honestly Raph, you are an idiot, just ask him already!!” Magnus got up, only to slap on Raphael's chest playfully, before going to find some party clothes for himself, he wants to forget everything today, and dance like he doesn't care, anymore.

  
“Simon, he umm” Raphael started to stutter, good god this was a disaster “I mean, that won't be fair to Isabelle” he finally sighed, sitting on the bed. Magnus can understand what Raphael was feeling, he has thought of dozens of scenarios, where what will happen to Jamie if Alec even thought about coming back to Magnus, which was quite impossible, but the point was, he understood.

  
“Raph, it was Simon’s decision” Magnus placed his hands over Raphael's shoulder, what he hoped was a comforting gesture, after everything Raphael has done for Magnus, this was the least he could offer. “he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't sure. Please talk with him, that poor thing looks miserable whenever you don't give attention to him.”

  
“fine, Ill talk, happy?” he asked, giving Magnus his natural glare.

  
“very” Magnus replied cheekily.

  
“now, put some clothes on, we are leaving in ten minutes”  
\--  
Alec wasn't sure how this happened, or why he said yes to Jamie when he asked him to move in. it all happened in sudden like he was aware of how fast this was moving, granted that they have been dating for over 8 months now, but still he felt it was moving too fast. Or it was just the realization of how real it is, how serious this relationship is to Jamie. Maybe Alec has been living in denial like this wasn't the life he wants, that someday, he will be lucky enough to have it spent with the person he wants to.  
But in all the confusion of his mind, he forgot about Jamie and his feelings.

  
“royal blue huh? That guy knows how to win your heart” Izzy landed on a couch beside him, her hands were coated with faint blue paints. They were repainting Jamie's house as Jamie suggested it was looking too old for their standards.

  
“y-yeah” Alec let out the shaky breath, he wasn't sure if he should talk about his doubts with Isabelle. Not when she was so happy with how things were with him and Jamie. Also, she was going through some rough patch, with all Simon and the whole break-up drama, he didn't want to burden her with his emotional package.

  
“where is Clary by the way?” asked Alec, in the hope of changing the topic. “I heard she was going to come from Jace,” he asked, Izzy rested her head against the couch, closing her eyes before speaking.

  
“Raphael needs to be there while the final treatment is carried on Magnus, Simon wants to be with Raph, so there is that and Clary don't want to leave Magnus alone in the condition” Izzy sighed, her words leaving Alec frozen in the place. What? What does she mean by Magnus’s final treatment? Was-was Magnus in danger, and if he is then why hasn't anyone informed him about that yet?

  
His mind was running with the number of possibilities of the things that can go wrong with Magnus, god! Alec was feeling terrible, he knew whatever it was, that should not make him feel guilty, but this is how he was feeling.

  
Izzy's eyes went wide once she realized what she just revealed, Magnus insisted not to talk about this in front of Alec and look what just she did.  
“Alec” she took hold of Alec’s arm in a comforting gesture, looking at him with a sad smile.

  
Swallowing hard, Alec dared to ask Izzy what was this about, he needs to know if Magnus was really struggling with something horrible.

  
“What treatment?” he fisted his fingers while trying to breathe normally.

  
“Alec its nothing that you have to worry about” she replied, again trying to brush off the worry from Alec’s shoulder. This was getting ridiculous, surely, they have broken up, not in a favorable condition, but he deserves to know what Magnus is dealing with, he can't just overshadow this and live his life smiling happily while Magnus is on the hospital bed.

  
“Izzy if you don't want to tell me, its fine” he snapped, it wasn't Izzy’s fault, but he was fucking furious, not at Izzy, but at the situation they were in. “and if Magnus is the one to tell you to keep whatever he is dealing with, away from me, then its alright” anger took over his voice, which was raised by each word and he stood up abruptly, his eyes burning with fury. “he wants me out of his fucking life completely, then that’s what I'll be doing” and he stormed into their bedroom, locking in, away from them.

  
Thankfully Jamie wasn't around to see Alec breaking internally over some other man than him, but Jace came in the view as soon as he heard Alec yelling.

  
“what happened?” he asked in a hushed voice, not sure what Alec would do if he heard them talking about the situation.

  
“Jace I think I screwed up, badly” she replied, looking utterly horrified.

  
“tell me something new” Jace tried to ease up her mood, but instead got an angry glare from Izzy.  
“I accidentally spilled about Magnus’s medical condition in front of Alec”

  
“what Iz-”

  
“and then when he asked, I told him it was nothing, he assumed Magnus doesn't want him to know and then he went in there, what should we do Jace?”

  
But before they have time to think about what should be done, the bedroom door opened, and Alec made his way towards the exit door. He was looking determined and furious, without looking at them he made his way towards the door.

  
“Alec, where are you going?” Izzy asked, both chasing after Alec.

  
“out” was the only response they got from Alec before he banged door on their faces.  
\--  
Alec needed to see him, he needs to see if Magnus is ok, no matter how much the other one is being stubborn to keep him out of his life, he needs to make sure everything is okay with Magnus. He was feeling guilty, already. He was supposed to be there for Magnus, no matter what. That's what he promised himself when they were in a relationship, but in order to protect his own heart, he forgot to look after Magnus, he should have talked with Magnus and tried to be friends with him. Surely, Magnus should have agreed with him, right?

  
He wasn't even aware of what was going on in Magnus’s life anymore. And now, this sudden treatment? Was it even sudden? How long it has been going on? Was Camille by his side all the time? That should have been him, not her. He still felt a pang of jealousy when it came to Magnus being with someone else, and he was pretty sure why.

  
Walking on the streets, he wasn't sure what he should do, he needed to see Magnus, and he was going out of his mind with all the worry and assumptions about the things Magnus must have been going through. Who should he call, Alec remembered Clary was with Magnus, so was Simon, but he didn't feel that will be a good idea, Raphael was there too, maybe he should call him, instead?

  
The phone rang and rang until it went on a voicemail, maybe he was in the hospital, and his phone was on the silent mode, yeah that was the reason, suddenly his hands where shaking and heart pounding loudly just by thinking of the possibilities, how he managed to keep his heart in a place when it came to Magnus, until now? He tried again, after the third ring, Raphael finally picked up and Alec let out the shaky breath.

  
“Raphael.." he choked out

  
“Magnus, I-I need to” he gulped, tears forming in his eyes already “I need to see him”

  
“Hey, hey Alec” Raphael call for him, as his breathing increased “calm down, Magnus is ok, alright? He is ok” Raphael reassured, ok, I can calm down now, Magnus is ok, nothing has happened to him “if you want to come here, I can-”

  
“yes,” Alec didn't think twice before agreeing. Raphael messaged him the address in a minute, Alec called a cab and went to the hospital, but on his way there he messaged Jamie telling him something came up, so he needed to leave urgently.  
\--  
When Alec reached to the floor of the hospital where Magnus’s treatment was going on, he noticed how tense Raphael was looking, Simon had his head rested on Raphael's shoulder while Clary was leaning on Simons another side, holding his hand.

  
“Alec,” Clary noticed him first, getting up she came near him, embracing him into a comforting hug. He smiled at her, his smile not reaching to his heart. He made his ways towards Raphael

  
“I want you to tell me everything, Raph, please” he begged, he knew how desperate he was looking, but at this point, he didn't care, he wants to know.

So, Raphael told him everything, right from how horrible Camille was to Magnus, abusing him, using him for her own good. He should feel good, he thought, after knowing how Magnus's relationship with a woman, a woman for whom he left Alec, has flopped. But he didn't.

 

He can’t, not when he knows what Magnus was going through, or what Camille has done to him. Instead, he felt more hate, if that was even possible, towards her.

  
Raphael told him about Magnus's health and how he is been dealing with it since the last few months. Alec wanted to go in there and yell at Magnus for not telling him about anything, he wanted to know why, why he didn't consider Alec in this, dealing with this all on his own, what was he thinking? His mind was running with the thoughts of how and what he was going to ask Magnus after he comes out of the hospital, or rather he goes into the room, but after seeing Magnus lying on a bed, the only thing he could do was go there and kiss his forehead while tears kept rolling through his eyes.

 

He inhaled the smell of Magnus, lingering his lips on his forehead which seemed more inappropriate, but he didn't care, for a moment he wanted to forget everything and focus on Magnus’s wellbeing. holding Magnus this close, He felt different, he felt like coming home and it been long journey.

  
The doctor said it will take time for him to wake up, but he is all ok. Well, that relieved Alec. His phone vibrated, and he saw a ping from Jamie asking where he is, Alec sighed, he needs to get back, so he won't be in the situation to explain. Jamie and he has talked about exes, well Jamie had, and Alec just brushed off the topic, not wanting to relive the memory of his relationship with Magnus.

  
“I'll be back, okay?” he leaned close to Magnus’s face and pecked on his forehead before he overthinks anything. “take care of yourself, Magnus, please” finally whispering he pulled back before he does something which will not be fair to Jamie.  
\--  
When Alec got back, he gave some stupid reason to Jamie for his absence, which Jamie accepted without even asking any questions. His siblings were still there, he didn't say anything to them, but the glare he threw on their side was enough to let them know how angry he is with them for keeping such an important thing from Alec.

  
“Alec I-” Izzy came near him, she was looking nervous, and Alec thought where all the confidence goes?

  
“don't” he didn't want to hear anything, or he would be hurting even more.

  
“Alec we just thought, that you are happy with Jamie and this wouldn't concern-”  
How in the hell Magnus’s not being well won't affect me?

  
“anything would have happened to him” he didn't notice the rise in his voice “sure I'm with Jamie, and I'm happy, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him, what I would have done if anythi-anything happe-” he choked on the sentence and shrugged to get his feature normal, not to give them any reason to watch him broke.

  
“Magnus wanted us to keep this from you,” Izzy told him, Alec could see how patient she is trying to be.

  
“What?”

  
“yeah alec” Jace hoped into the conversation, this was the first time he opened his mouth to say something since Alec started to fire at both.

  
“he wanted to save you from unnecessary concern, he might have thought you won't even care” Jace replied, Alec had to sit on a couch to process this new information. Magnus thought he didn't care about him anymore, what a stupid stupid guy. He wanted to go back to the hospital room and shake Magnus until he comes to his senses. “and I think its best for both of you, I mean he did leave you, I don't think he deserves to be cared by you anymore”

  
“guys I thought you were coming inside?” Jamie disturbed them and save Jace from facing Alec’s fury. How can he even think something like this? He did care about Magnus and nothing, literally, nothing will stop him from caring for Magnus. he gave his best glare to Jace who frowned, looking concerned, while they all joined Jamie in the kitchen to have some food.  
\--  
Alec did see Magnus again, this time he didn't go to the hospital but as it was a week since he last saw him at the hospital he went to his home, the loft which was his home once too. For some reason he was feeling nervous, the feeling of being at the loft wasn't new, but the thing was, it made him visit the memories of their happy past.

How he was always happy whenever he would return home, sometimes with Magnus cooking dinner for them, how easily they fit into those couples who seemed to be married for more than a few years. Maybe him not opening in front of Magnus about their future was one of the reasons why they weren't together anymore.

  
He quickly tried to shrug those thoughts out of his mind, instead he scanned the loft, noticing few changes, like their pictures were still on the wall where Alec has insisted them to hand those on, he remembers clearly, it was the Christmas time, they were just back from their trip to Bali, one of the few places he actually loved to be on the vacations. He mentally slapped himself for getting caught on the memories which he was just trying to avoid. But there are way too many how he even managed to keep them locked away and made it this far, he will never know.

  
Granted that he was with Jamie, with him it was new, exciting, but there wasn't a moment when he didn't compare their moments together with Magnus. He recalls their first time, how he went into the shower and wrapped his arms around his legs when he collapsed on the bathroom floor. He cried, not because sex with Jamie was hurtful or anything, but because he let someone else touch him other than Magnus. It was all new to him, getting used to the reality of not being with Magnus anymore, to having something real with Jamie.

 

And Alec knew, he knew very well, Jamie couldn't take Magnus’s place, but he always tried to be fair with Jamie, and because of his guilt he always thought he is owning something to his new boyfriend and he didn't know how to feel about this.

  
“Tea?” Magnus asked, clearing his throat, and Alec panicked a little, for how many minutes he was silent? Because Magnus was looking at him with concerned eyes.

  
“I'll make some for us” instead of embarrassing himself in front of Magnus further, he tried to avoid looking at him and making a perfect excuse to hide his flustered face.

  
“I can do that myself” Magnus snapped, which made Alec stop at a place. Did Magnus not want him to use their, sorry, his kitchen anymore?

  
“I am sorry” he murmured, this was the proof of how awkward things still were between them. He was angry at Magnus for not telling him about the medical condition, but he held back from snapping at him because he knew Magnus was getting better just now, and that won't be fair.

  
“I am sorry, that wasn't fair,” Magnus said, coming near him, placing his right hand on Alec’s shoulder, which may have left Alec’s body on fire. He shouldn't feel like this, not when he has a boyfriend at home, waiting for him.

  
“It-its just everyone is acting like I'm a doll, made up of glass” he sighed, which was a little exaggerated if anyone asked Alec “and I'll break if I do something” he made his way towards the kitchen, pointing Alec to follow.

  
Magnus made tea, just like he always makes, and god, Alec missed that damn tea as well. They drank in silence, giving each other nervous smiles whenever their eyes would meet.

  
“So how have you-”

  
“I'm sorry I-”

  
They both spoke at the same time and then stopping at the same time as well. They chuckled while taking a sip from the cup.

  
“you go first,” Alec told him, he needed answers from Magnus for keeping something huge from him.

  
“I said, I am sorry I didn't tell you,” Magnus confessed, well he wasn't here for the apology.

  
“Why, why you didn't tell me, have I lost you to the point where you felt the need to keep something this big, something which could have taken your life, from me?”

  
He asked, short and straight.

  
“I-” Magnus looked at him with horror “no, Alec that's not it, you will always be my best friend, no matter what,” Magnus said which made Alec’s heart warm with a little happiness. Magnus still considered him as his best friend, the difference was they didn't act like two best friends who will always bicker around each other, they were lost.

  
“I didn't want to be the burden on you anymore, not after what happened between us, not after what I did to you” Magnus looked down, his eyes on the cup of the tea, he was being nervous.

  
“Magnus, I'll always care for you” he spoke before he even thinks on those words again, Magnus has this effect on his, always. He looked at him, eyes blinking, once, twice, then he smiled, not a happy smile which Magnus carried with him.

  
They talked briefly about everything before Alec thought it was time for him to leave.

  
On his way out, Magnus offered to walk him out, Alec didn't deny, just nodded, heading towards the door. He looked around the whole room, trying to save everything about the loft which still felt like home within his memory.

  
“Alec” Magnus called him when he was about to leave without turning back. “Thank you” he then said, having so much softness in his silky voice.

“and I'm happy for you” Magnus added, which was obviously referred to his relationship, which should have made him feel happy, instead his eyes filled with tears knowing very well that whatever has happened between them was beyond repair.  
\--  
Magnus stayed frozen as he saw Alec walking out of the building without turning back to look at him. Why would he? Has Magnus left any reason to him to look back at him? Still, it felt nice to know Alec still cared for him.

  
Days passed in a blur, he and Alec would talk whenever they all were meeting somewhere. Things were getting better between them, and Magnus hoped he could at least have Alec's friendship.

It was after few months since they talked when they were meeting at the Jace's place, only then he noticed a ring on Alec’s ring figure. He stared blindly for a minute, not knowing how to feel about this new information he just got. Alec was engaged? Why didn't he tell anyone, or they just wanted to wait until everyone was in the same room? Still, Magnus doubted that anyone has noticed it until now, or else Isabelle would have screamed out of excitement by now.

Magnus tried to ignore the hurt feeling in his chest, but his eyes betrayed him, and a single tear dropped from his eyes, he tried to blink those tears away and act like it didn't affect him, that he was unaffected by all of this. It took only a year to Alec to get over him and be engaged to someone else, but having Magnus by his side for almost ten years, it didn't even occur to him once? And what a fool Magnus is, thought Alec loved him more than anyone. Suddenly Magnus felt so small, like he was looking at their relationship all wrong, did Alec ever loved him?

He shook his head, now wasn't the time for feeling self-pity, it wasn't going to change anything. He took some pie from the buffet which was managed by the lovely Clary, to hide his anxiety and look normal, he had read somewhere chocolates help on our nervousness.

“Oh my god Alec” it was Isabelle, Magnus was right if anyone would notice the ring it was going to be Izzy. “when did this happen? And why didn't you tell us” Magnus saw how happily both the siblings hugged while everyone gathered around Jamie and Alec, whishing them. Magnus thought it will be very rude if he just sat there stuffing his mouth with blueberry pie, so he got up and head towards Alec, his heart beating faster than he was willing to admit.

“Congratulations” he first said to Jamie, patting on his back, Jamie smiled and said Magnus thank you. as soon as Magnus turned to Alec, everyone went silent and Magnus wished they wouldn't have. So, he pointed to Clary, who immediately understood and went on talking with Jamie along with Jace.

“Congratulation Alec,” he said, keeping a small distance between them, Alec didn't say anything, neither did he react to Magnus, and Magnus thought maybe he was having a victory inside as Magnus was the one to lose everything and not him. “I'm happy for you” Magnus then added, hearing back a thank you from Alec.

Izzy stubbornly asked about how Jamie proposed, Magnus zoned out the whole time, sipping his wine while looking blankly ahead, little he knew, Alec was staring right at him, concern all over his face.  
\--  
Alec was constantly finding it difficult to search for any reason to tell Jamie that he isn't ready for this all marriage drama yet. Still, whenever he went to Jamie to talk about this, he near was able to say it out loud. He was sure he liked Jamie a lot, in fact, he has given a thought to his feeling being close to love, but he knew, deep inside that he won't be able to give his heart completely to Jamie because someone else had it, already.

  
He also thought about, how he was desperately trying to make things up to Jamie that maybe, maybe he is just playing him around. But he wasn't cheating or anything, it was just some stupid feelings, which he was sure will get over as this marriage will lead him.

  
Sometimes Alec even thought about Jamie realizing about everything, and the change he was feeling in Alec before he proposed to him. Alec was trying to be distant from Jamie, mostly because he wanted to confess how he feels and what he and Magnus had, but then it was too late. That's when Jamie asked him to marry, Alec did ask some time to think, panicking inside, but then he thought all this, calmly, thinking how positive it will be to marry Jamie. He can finally have the family he always wanted and what if it wasn't with the person he wanted to be with.

  
“errr, it's too black, try this one” Izzys complaining voice brought him back to what they were doing. Izzy wanted him to have a perfect suit for his marriage day which was getting closer and closer, as Jamie insisted to get married as soon as possible.

  
“What is wrong with this? It looks fine to me” Alec counter complained, honestly he was tired, and he couldn't care less about the clothes he was wearing on his wedding.

  
“please, Alec” she rolled her eyes “at least try this one, it looks good”

  
“I like this one, besides this is my wedding, so why can't you let me have something of my choice” he tried his best to not sound like he was snapping at her, but he failed, still Izzy didn't say anything, she smiled and nodded.

  
“Well ok then, you look perfect in anything, anyway” she smirked, running her hand over the perfect material of his suite.

  
“thank you, Izzy, for everything”

  
“No worries big brother,”

  
Alec looked away from her, slightly getting hesitate he asked. “hey, do you have any idea if Magnus is coming?” he panicked instantly so was trying to cover it up “or Simon and Raphael, I didn't see the list you were having, you know what, don't answer, I'll see at the wedding” he heaved the sigh out, dropping himself on the couch, Izzy sat next to him, rounding her hands on his shoulder.

  
“Simon and Raphael are coming, I guess, I didn't want to sound some ten-year-old, so yeah I have them invited” Izzy made a dramatic eye roll, “and as far as I know about Magnus, he is invited”  
Oh, so he will be there. Oh, its good right, at least Alec hoped for it.

  
“but I doubt he will be there” oh, that is good too, Alec’s face dropped even more if that was possible.

  
“Hey, what it is?” Izzy asked.

  
“Its-its just everything is moving so fast, with this marriage and all, I had this planned in my mind a year ago with someone else, now look at me, I am marrying some other guy and it hasn't been a year since I broke up with him, do you think Magnus doubt my love for him?” Alec asked, and suddenly realized what he has asked, “I mean, what love I had for him, I don't want him to think like this, surely he must be comparing,” he said and turned to Isabelle after hearing her snort, he scanned her face with disbelief.

  
“Alec, I love you brother, but you are an idiot sometimes,” she said as Alec glared at her, “I mean an idiot with the biggest and softest heart in the world. Stop thinking about everyone's well-being or feeling, if someone is feeling like the way you think, then I guess that someone deserves all of this”

  
“Izzy!” he nothing but looked at her sister with horror.

  
“No Alec, he left you, may I remind you for someone else, I know you two had problems, and I may have made my peace with it, but I'm not going to sit here and let you feel all guilty about the things you aren't responsible. You are happy and if that make Magnus sad then, meh, it's his problem, not yours or anyone but his alone, let him have his lesson” she got up, taking her jacket from the stand heading towards the door.

  
“Forget him Alec, he doesn't deserve you,” she told him while turning back at the exit, Alec just saw as she went out of the shop.  
\--  
~Jumping on the present (when this story started: Alec's marriage day) ~

  
Magnus debated over going to Alec’s marriage and spending his day alone in his loft, sulking over the fact that the man he loved getting married. Finally, when it was an hour until the morning, he gave up, getting up and carelessly picking up clothes and heading towards the hall where Alec was getting. He just wanted to see Alec before the marriage and clear it to him that he was ok with all this.

 

Things have been very awkward and weird between them since the engagement news, even weirder than when they broke up. He never got a chance to have a conversation with Alec about this. And for once Magnus was hoping to have a real and meaningful talk with Alec before he enters the new chapter of his life.

  
Well, that was the plan until when he entered the room where Alec was getting ready, Alec made his way towards Magnus and started to hit on his shoulder with tears in his eyes, Magnus didn't know what to do else than going close to him and wrapping his arms around Alec who was shaking.

  
"I am going to be so happy that you will be jealous of my life" Alec replied through his sobs, even though the situation was not any amusing it made Magnus snort because Alec was talking with his childlike voice.

  
"I always want you happy Alexander" Magnus whispered, that's all he needed to tell Alec because that was the truth. Alec still held him close, close enough to feel their breaths on each other, Magnus too, didn't pull back, Alec needed comfort and he wasn't going to deny, it was the least he can do, after everything he has put Alec through.

"Say it again," Alec said tracing Magnus's face inch by inch as if he was taking Magnus's face all in as if it was the last time, he is holding Magnus this close. Magnus gave him a confused look before repeating his previous line again

"I want..." He couldn't get a chance to complete as he heard Alec chuckling Magnus shot him a look as Alec shook his head.

"Not that," he said staring intensely into Magnus's eyes, which made Magnus's legs go weak. When was the last time they held each other this close? Well, he doesn't remember.

"Then?" Magnus asked having no clue at all.

"My name" Alec carefully whispered as if he was telling Magnus some secret, a small blush was rising in his cheeks and Magnus felt so good to know that he still had this effect on Alec. Then that hit him, he hasn't called Alec by his full name since that night at the bar and of course, Alec liked it when Magnus called him by his full name, this situation made him doubt that. He saw Alec looking him with curiosity, for the answer so smirking at Alec he nodded.

"Of course, Alexander" Magnus replied grinning at him and saw Alec beaming internally with happiness.

"please don't call me anything but that," he asked sincerely as Magnus nodded again.

Again, there was silence in the room, but this was a comfortable one. Just looking into each other's eyes deeply and realizing what they missed or were missing. Alec was still staring at Magnus intensely as if Magnus was his whole world. One-minute Alec was just looking and other he was leaning in towards Magnus. Reality came back to Magnus and he forcefully held his hand before Alec on his chest.

"Alec, we can't, " he said, which was the right thing to do, no matter how badly he wants this.

"Just this one" Alec still replied stubbornly and if it wasn't for Izzy, then Magnus was sure something terrible would have happened and Alec would have blamed himself for the situation. She interrupted them as Alec was getting too close to give Magnus a kiss.

Magnus pulled back with shock and looked at Izzy with a doubted expression as if she must be thinking Magnus was the one forcing Alec into this. He again glanced at Alec, whose eyes were still on Magnus, staring intensely.

"Alec, it's time," Izzy said to get Alec's attention, but Alec was still focused on Magnus.

"Just give me some time with Magnus" he replied, his voice was rough. Magnus saw Izzy getting frustrated and turning to look at him.

"Magnus, could you please??" Izzy asked Magnus since she knew her brother very well to listen to her so Magnus nodded and went outside without looking back at Alec.  
__  
As Alec saw Magnus leaving, he suddenly felt tears running, again from his eyes, which he was still trying to hide. It's two damn years and still, Magnus had this effect on him. All those buried feelings were finally showing which left Alec drawing into those emotions.

Izzy sensed Alec's distress and moved ahead to hug him

"Give me some time with Magnus" he found himself repeating the same thing. And now he started to sob again.

"Shhh Alec, everything will be ok" she tried to comfort him, but she knew it was of no use. Her brother needed Magnus.

"You have promised to be someone's today Alec, who isn't Magnus and you can't do anything stupid that won't be fair to either Jamie or you," she said, "Magnus isn't good...."

"Don't" Alec replied to her before she could complete her sentence "don't ever say that, not to me or him because I get to decide that. But you are right, I've promised Jamie” wiping those tears from his eyes, he went near mirror to look presentable. Though the question still kept him nagging, is it worth? he asked himself, he loved Jamie, but was well aware that he isn't in love with him, in spite of the things his soon to be husband has done for him, his heart, stupid stupid heart wasn't taking any of that, it wanted, it needed only one person and that was Magnus.  
\--

  
Alexander,

  
Hi, I know it seems odd to have a conversation via letters in this era, but what to do? I am way too much ashamed of myself to do it in person or over a phone call. I've made mistakes, horrible, horrible mistakes in my life, but Alec, leaving you was the biggest. I never got to say sorry or apologize to you, I thought we will always have time for each other, that we will always sort out the problems those will come between us, but when I saw that ring on your hand, I knew it was all over.

  
Past year has been hard for us, and I agree it’s my fault, so I want to ask for your forgiveness and I know I don't deserve it, but I hope one day you will be able to forgive me and that hope may give me a chance to move on with my life.

  
Do you remember the new year eve? I know we have spent like ten of or so of them together, but the one when I told you something? Well, it will never change, be happy Alec, always.

  
Magnus.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes!

Alexander,  
Hi, I know it seems odd to have a conversation via letters in this era, but what to do? I am way too ashamed of myself to do it in person or over a phone call. Ive made mistakes, horrible, horrible mistakes in my life, but Alec, leaving you was the biggest. I never got to say sorry or apologize to you, I thought we will always have time for each other, that we will always sort out the problems those will come between us, but when I saw that ring on your hand, I knew it was all over.

The past year has been really hard for us, I know its all my fault, so I want to ask for your forgiveness knowing very well how I don't deserve it, but I hope one day you will be able to forgive me, and that hope may give me a chance to move on with my life.

Do you remember the New Years Eve? I know we have spent like ten of or so of them together, but the one when I told you something? Well, it will never change, be happy Alec, always.  
Magnus.

Alec tried to calm himself down, let him think it is some kind of joke, that he just didnt call off the wedding for a man who decided to be his dramatic self and disappeared somewhere in the busy world.

“I wasn't aware of his plans, that bastard didnt even give away any hints of him disappearing somewhere” Raphaels voice startled him a bit, he took a hold of the nearest chair, while sitting on it, calming himself down.

A while ago…

“Alec where on the earth are you going?” Izzy panicked, looking at her brother who had a determined look in his eyes, his bowtie was half done, hairs all misplaced, and eyes were puffy and red. Alec didnt reply to her, nor he stops when she tried to pull him holding on his arms. He went straight to Jamies room where Jamie was all ready for the wedding. Jamie smiled at him, but the smile wasn't a happy one, he knew this will happen.

“Alec…” he whispered.

“hey” alec stood there, not meeting Jamies eyes. “You- you don't deserve what Im putting you through. When I was 15-year-old, I dreamed of my marriage, I was so innocent, so unaware of this actual world that I thought, the person Ill be marrying will love me completely and utterly. I know you do, and thats why I need to be honest with you, you-you deserve better” Alec sighed, trying his best to be brave and not let those tears Jamie was having affect him. This was for the best.

“I had it coming” Jamies confession surprised Alec, he snorted before speaking. “I always had this feeling, where I was aware of everything, yet fooling myself with the possibilities of the situation changing with the time. But it never did. I then foolishly tried something, asked out to marry even though I knew you werent ready, I thought it was for better it the worst, it may change things. But thank you, Alec, for being honest before this-”

“how did-how did you?” Alec was foolish enough to make everything worse, Jamie smirked through his tears

“everyone with the open eyes can see how you care about him” he confessed, and Alec let out silent oh! He wasn't even subtle around Jamie. “I was lucky enough to have some of that affection for myself, at least thats what I hope for”

“Yes, of course, Jamie, I was a total asshole in the relationship, but I promise you, I never-never did anything which was unfaithful to you, trust me,” Alec said and moved closer to him to give him some comfort, this was the least he can do.

“I believe you” he sobbed in Alec's arms, as he kept comforting him.

“I wish things were different, or that is what I tell myself, but don't want you with someone like me, you deserve way better,” he whispered.

Alec stayed there with Jamie for as long as he wasn't crying. Someone from their family informed the guests about the wedding not happening.

He went straight to his room, exhausted mentally and physically, too. They were lucky to have a private ceremony, so not much people were involved in the wedding, Alec decided to keep those thoughts for later, right now he needs to have some sleep.  
\--  
Alec waited, patiently, for a month, then a year and now more than four years in a hope of Magnus returning to town, to him, but Magnus didnt come, nor he made any contact with Raphael or anyone. It was like he vanished somewhere in the corner of the earth. Alec still believes though, his friends can sense how short-tempered he is becoming due to all the wait which is going in vain, anyway.

“he is not coming back” for a moment Alec got confused, he was at the club, drinking alone, so he didnt expect a company. “that motherfucker, left us in the misery, that foolish foolish creature, acting before thinking, what kind of person does that” Raphaels anger was clear in his tone. Alec snorted, he has seen Raphael cursing Magnus more than enough since the day his friend decided to go all invisible on them.

“I don't know why you are telling me this?” Alec asked, sure he was waiting but that wasn't out and open, now people can read his mind as well? That too correctly.

Raphael snorted, looking over Alec's shoulder, waving towards Simon, who just entered the club. Things have been fantastic between those two, and Simon may or may not have picked up a ring for his so-called boyfriend. But he was happy for them since Izzy has someone by her side as well. Apparently, she met someone called Charlie, who was a doctor and have been dating for a year now. Everything was great, everyone was happy and in love, and Alec tried to be happy for all of them as well.

“cmon Alec, we know you have some hope of Magnus returning one day and he will take you in his arms leading you two to live happily ever after. Wake up, its not a fairy tale. That fool betrayed you two times, stop wasting your time and move on” he kissed Simon on a cheek who decided Raphaels lap was a better place to sit than the chairs near the alcohol bar. He rolled his eyes and ordered another drink for himself.

“I think everyone should stop telling me what to do” he did nothing but snarled at Raphael. “and I don't know why you are the one to tell me this, but you came back, didn't you?”

“I did, I know but that was different, Simon was moved on, he was happy” Raphael tried to give some dumb reason to Alec and Alec wondered why everyone was so reluctant of him to move on, it was his choice, and his alone.

“Whatever, I will be with someone when I'll feel so” he declared, getting up and leaving the club, he just didn't want to be there anymore.  
\--  
Few days after, Alec decided to take a part in a lawyers program organized by one of the top layers in New York. during the program, the bunch of lawyers will be on a world tour, taking conference and inspiring young upcoming students of the law. He thought it was a great idea, to take his mind off everything plus it had an advantage, he will be visiting different places of the world, he needed it, he needed to be somewhere far from the place which still reminded him of Magnus. its not like he wants to forget or anything but missing him was so painful that it left a burning fire in Alec's heart.

Six months, he will be of for six months, living his life the fullest without any worry in the world.

“All ready?” it was Izzy, asking if the packing was done. Alec didnt take much with him, just a few pair of jeans and sweaters he was having and some work clothes as well... he placed Magnus's letter inside the drawer after reading one last time.

“Ill always love you, Alec” that was the words Magnus has said to him on that evening if they were true then why all the betrayal? Alec snorted, he felt that letter was a joke, still, his stupid, sappy heart told him to keep it. But not now, now he needs to get his shit together.

He turned to his sister, who was on the verge of crying. Rolling his eyes, he went to her only to pull her in for a hug.

“Izzy, its not like I'm leaving forever. These six months will just fly by, don't worry about it.” He told her it was his first time in a long to send away from his family, but for some reason, he wasn't regretting it, rather he was looking forward to having some change in his life. Hopefully, it was for the best.

“It-its like we all arent enough for you. Alec, you should know we love you and want you to be happy” she sobbed, and oh wait what the hell was she implying. Of course, he knew his family loved him and he was sure they know by then the place Magnus has in Alec's heart, it wasn't going to change, they have seen it over the years.

“Of course, I know, Izzy” he ensured “but this is what I really want to do. Maybe there is a chance I meet some cutie who will possibly be my partner, don't you think thats an option?” he chuckled, that wasn't his plan, but whatever will make her smile was enough for now.

“Promise you will call me every day, I don't care if you are at the North Sea or something” Alec laughed this time, yes, he was going on a world tour, but the North Sea wasn't on the options. Besides they should have kept it on the list, in case that stupid Magnus had decided to live there for a few days, that way he can meet him there again only to talk some senses into him.

“I'm sure no one there is interested in listening to a lawyer talking something boring for hours. And yes, Ill call you every day, even at 3 in the morning and Im not talking about the time at my place.” he moved to open the door, as someone, he was sure that is Jace, just rang the bell, instead of using that damn key Alec has given to him.

“I admit you are the best looking in our family like ever” was his greeting, he looked disappointed to admit that. Alec rolled his eyes.

“Ive already packed the bags, Jace, drop it, I'm going to do this and there is nothing that you can do to change my mind”

“Hey Alec” Clary greeted him entering a flat. “umm, I made you something, hopefully, it will cheer you up on your boring conference,” she said handing a gift, packed very creatively, it looked like a frame.

Moving into the hall they all took their places while Izzy still looking through his bedroom for last minute check. Meanwhile, Alec decided to open the gift he just received from Clary.

It was a painting of their group photo from high school, Clary really did a great job.

“thank you, Clary, its awesome,” Alec replied as Clary smiled at him, her smile didnt reflect a pity sign which is what he was getting a lot lately, but it was more of a comforting one, he returned her smile. Oh! How he wished things for him were as simple as they were for Clary and Jace.

“did Simon contact you?” he then asked Clary, it was already getting late and these two were nowhere to be seen.

“oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, they'll be meeting us at the airport, something with Raphael came up and he needed to take care of it immediately” as she told, he expressions was confusing as if she was scared.

“Hey, is everything okay with those two?” in these past few years, Alec has become closer with Raphael, let it be their chats about Magnus or cursing Magnus over leaving them all confused, theyve made some kind of bond which was great, so he was worried when it came to Raphael or even Simon.

“yes, everything is perfect, but I guess some other personal issues, I'm not sure. Si didn't say anything to me.” They joined others while talking.

“Alright, I just hope to see them before I, you know, fly off”

“they will be there, don't worry”  
\--  
Magnus was enjoying the cold breeze of the air tingling his face while he sat under the shadow of some trees. For the past four years, since the day he decided to leave the place which only reminded him of the unending sadness, he has been exploring the place where he was born. This place made him feel close to his mother, they had some of the best times in here, after all, he did spend his childhood in this beautiful city.

Shortly after he decided to surprisingly disappear on everyone, and come here, he took a simple job of a bartender at one of the clubs in the town. His shifts will end late giving him enough time for himself as he didnt have to go for a job early in the morning. he still takes some time to draw some new designs for the dresses which he wanted to work on for a long time. It was nice, refreshing, and for most of the time he managed to fool his brain whatever he was doing was for his own good. It hurt to know that Alec was married to someone else, but it also gave him a relief knowing someone was there to take care of Alec. Magnus knows, Alec is always the most caring person among his friends, it was about the time Alec found someone who stood by his side, just like the way he deserves.

Today, he was missing Raphael though, he constantly kept thinking about not telling his friend of his sudden disappearance, he was also sure he didnt deserve to call him a friend when he had done something as horrible as this. Still, he took his phone out from the pocket, dialing his friends number.

“Raphael Santiago speaking” came a grumpy voice, Magnus rolled his eyes, even the difference of four years and having Simon by his side didnt change the tone in Raphael's voice.

“Enough with the grumpiness Raph, its not even morning” Magnus chuckled nervously, damn he is nervous, no, actually he is scared of how Raphael will react. The line was silent for more than a minute now, Magnus wondered if he has hung up already.

“Raphael are you there?”

“Who is this?” Raphael replied after a few more seconds, Magnus sighed, really? Is he that mad?

“do you really don't recognize my voice, or are you that mad?” Magnus tried to lighten the mood, but that didnt make anything better.

“It's a wrong number” Raphael must have greeted his teethes while saying it, Magnus only heart beeping of phone indicating Raphael has hung up on him. pursing his lips, he thought if it is a good idea to call him again, but he assumed it would be a great idea to leave him to calm down a bit.  
He must be seated in the wrong way as when he shifted a bit, discomfort ran through his right arm making him wince and rub on the spot in reaction.

“need some help with that handsome?” Magnus knew that voice, he had listened to the same voice rambling anything and everything, mostly how fabulous and beautiful he is during his shifts at the club on Saturdays. It was Malia, a beautiful, blue-eyed girl, who was kinda hitting on Magnus since the past few months. He smiled at her, even though it wasn't what he wanted, that girl was still kind to him, he doesnt want to be rude to her. So, he smiled at her and thought about a response which wont suggest a rude rejection.

“Thank you, but I'm good, really,” he said as he saw the disappointment on her face. He stood up, taking her hands in his.

“you are a very beautiful girl Malia, really and you could have anyone you want,” Magnus started, she rolled her eyes.

“yeah, yeah, now comes the speech starting with but” she snorted but Magnus can see how hurt she is, and he hated to be the reason behind her being hurt.

“there is someone” his voice cracked when he remembered Alec smiling and looking at Magnus with those heart eyes about which Raphael always teased him, Alec always looked at him like Magnus was Alec's whole world, but then Magnus remembered how easily he has given up on what they had and how he deserved to suffer. “we were in love, but then I screwed up a big-time, left him, even though I knew it was all for nothing, I left him, broke all the promises we made to each other.”

“and now?” she asked

“and now… he is married to someone who loves him and looks at me trying to find some reconciliation by living so far from him, but the thing is, there isnt a day when I don't miss him, it-its just hard to be with someone else when all I see is him.” He turned to look away from her, only to not let her see a tear dropping from his eyes.

“Do you still love him?” Malia asked, keeping her hand on Magnus's shoulder which he believed was a gestured of comfort.

“I don't think I ever stopped” he replied trying to blink away those tears from his eyes. “anyways, that is my sad story and I hope you understand” turning to her he flashed her smile knowing what she must be feeling.

“I understand Magnus, but don't you miss your home? I mean, its been what four years, if I remember you telling me right? Don't you want to go back to your family, they must be missing you” Magnus snorted, how can he tell her what a coward he is, that he didnt tell anyone about his grand plans, letting them think how little he thought about them. How does he keep letting himself make those mistakes? He will never know.

“I know. I think I will go back soon, I miss them all” he replied as she hugged him, and for once in these four years, Magnus let someone comfort him.

“thank you for understanding” he murmured “and I'm sorry, you must be thinking I made up some story to reject you, but this is the truth, the truth of my miserable life” he chuckled nervously, pulling back from the embrace.

“I believe you, I mean I like you, I'm not gonna lie, but I understand what you are telling me, I really hope you will get what you want Magnus, you are a good man,” she said kissing his cheek and then pulling back enough to keep some distance between them.

“Thank you and I hope you will get someone who will love your heart and soul, you deserve it” she nodded at him, saying her goodbye to Magnus, she turned to leave.

Magnus stood there, heart sinking in the chest with the thought of what he will miss if he didnt stop her now, for a second a thought of running after went through his mind, but then again Alec's smile flashed in front of him, stopping him. He decided it was time to go home, after all.  
\--  
“Is this how you spend your afternoons now? Does your boss know about your little fooling around?” Magnus said after seeing his friend all glued up with Simon behind the office desk.

After long thinking he decided it was time for him to go back to his home, the break he needed from his life here was exceeded and he needed to be with the people he thinks are his family. (its still funny to think about how he abandoned his family, yeah, its funny) he desperately hoped Raphael will understand and forgive him for leaving without any warning but knowing his friend he can guess how it will go. Thats why he was here, first thing first after landing just about two hours ago. It really felt nice, and only when he placed the foot on the familiar streets, he realized how much he missed this place.

Raphael was glaring at him for more than five minutes now, and that poor Simon was glancing back and forth between Magnus and him, probably trying to figure out what should he do.

“Who gave you permission of coming here?” he finally asked, releasing Simon from his grip to move towards Magnus. Magnus might have gotten scary chills from that death stare and voice, but he wont ever admit it to Raphael, don't want to encourage him or anything.

“They know I'm your friend” Magnus smirked which only pissed Raphael even more “and you know I've got my ways”

“Friend?” Raphael asked, snorting while saying the word

“Yeah, considering-” he didn't get to finish whatever he was saying as next thing he knows is Raphael punching him on the face, and bitch that hurt, in a way Magnus was sure, will leave a red mark just below his cheek for days, reminding him why he got that in the first place. He moaned with pain before giving his best glare to Raphael who was burning holes of anger on Magnus's face.

“RAPHAEL!!” he heard Simon warn Raph and rushing towards Magnus, but Raphael stopped him.

“leave out of this, Simon, this is between me and him. I want to know what kind of friend leave you blind for four whole years, scaring you to the death with the possibilities of what has happened to them, I want to know-” suddenly, he was broke with a sob, and Magnus doesnt particularly remember his friends sounding like that, ever. Maybe, he just underestimated their friendship, he didnt care if Raphael hit him for his next moves, but he needed to pull his friend in for a hug and make things right with him.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Raph, I made a mistake of not telling you, but I needed to go away from this to get better” he held him tight as Raphael went all silent “but that don't give me an excuse for what I did , not telling you or anyone was a mistake, but Im back for good, just tell me how to make this right? Please, I don't want to lose you dear” Magnus was begging now, but he didnt care, he wanted to make things right with his friend.

“you can't come and go whenever you please Magnus, this isnt how it works” Magnus knew he was right, of course, he was, he needs to give them all time, he needs to earn back what he has lost when he made a decision to leave behind everything and start over, but the thing is you can't really leave behind the things from your past, can you?

“yeah, yeah” his throat felt dry suddenly and he wanted to cry if this is how it will be, how the hell he was going to make things right with Alec? It will take him a few lifetimes for that, but giving time to them was a great idea, time will heal everything, at least thats what he hoped for. “I'll leave now, and next time, I guess I'll have to ask for permission before coming to meet you” he chuckled while pulling back from the hug, Raphael didnt look at him, Magnus inhaled sharply, before turning to see Simon.

“Its good to see you again, Simon” he nodded towards him as Simon smiled nervously, just then Magnus turned and left Raphaels office, only to leave for his hotel room.

He has booked a hotel room instead of going straight to his loft, he knew it would be a mess knowing how weakly he has covered all the things with those covers, he needed some time for rest then he will go and see the condition of the loft.  
\--  
Texting Raphael wasn't getting anywhere as the latter one was still ignoring him, Magnus deserved it, he really did, didn't he? He tried calling some of the familiar contacts from the industry who will let him do the job for them, he is been away from the industry for almost four years now and joining this again was like the first time he joined for the work of designing clothes. But the difference was, Magnus was Magnus, he knew exactly what he was doing now. He has been thinking about opening his own store with some of the few friends from the industry and design their own clothes, but for that he needed to build some support of the people from every way possible, especially financially and hopefully one day he will be ready to tell the world proudly “this is my own store and yeah, I have designed those clothes”

Magnus came back from daydreaming after he heard a familiar voice.

“Well, well if it isn't the Magnus Bane” she came near him where he was placing his coffee order, her tone was full of sarcasm, and Magnus couldnt do anything but wince. “the biggest mystery in the world, the person who likes to disappear without warning, the person who calls himself a friend” Magnus shrugged as she gave him smirk which wasn't friendly, he was aware of everyone looking at them, but he didnt care somehow. Despite Izzy now giving him sullen expression flashed his best smile at her.

“Its good to see you again, Isabelle”

“Yeah well, the feeling isnt that mutual” she rolled her eyes the action which perfectly matched her brother. It was clear, she was mad, who wouldnt be?

“Look, I know I made a mistake of not telling all of you before leaving somewhere, but I needed to do that for myself. I also know it wont be easy to make my way back onto your lives, but the thing is Im not even trying.” She arched her eyebrow, questioningly “its not like that, I want nothing more than to become familiar with you guys again, but I also am aware of not deserving any of that, not your kindness, neither the place into your lives again, so we can at least be civil around each other, right?” ok, that went alright, hope so?

“my brother and you have a tendency to assume things thinking they are right even though; the truth isnt even near what you two are assuming.” Suddenly she hugged him, that wasn't exactly what Magnus expected, but he wasn't complaining either. “that makes you two idiots, you know, that right?”

“I know Isabelle, I know” he whispered, “I missed this place and you all, Raphael too, but he wont talk to me, but then I guess I deserve it.” He whined because talking like an adult is overrated.

“give him some time, he will come around” she pulled back from the hug, smiling at Magnus. “Im still mad at you, by the way, and wait till you meet Clary, she is gonna kill you for the good”

“Then its better if we keep this information away from her, isnt it?” he winked at her “and for you, I can buy you those Gucci shoes you liked the most sometime before those four years?”

“I think you have to do better than that this time, how about we talk about our lives over the cup of coffee?” it was a nice suggestion, Magnus didn't have anything else to do anyway.

“that sounds like an excellent idea, my dear”  
\--  
“everyone be nice to him, especially you Raphael” Magnus heard Izzy's voice and her warning as he was standing right outside her apartment. After their coffee meet, Izzy asked him to join everyone for dinner, Magnus was reluctant about the idea of meeting everyone this way, but Izzy assured it will be fine, he needs to reconnect with them sometime in the future. Magnus was fine with facing everyone, but it was someone with hazel eyes he was worried about. The topic of Alec didnt come up when they were having coffee, or rather Magnus didn't ask anything about him considering everything. Though Alec wont be on his own today, he will be with his husband, probably being cozy at the corner of the room, he sighed, he needs to face it, doesn't matter if its today or tomorrow.

“H-hey” Magnus finally found his voice to greet them.

“Magnus!!” it was Clary who first greeted him, by pulling him into a tight embrace. He was glad she didnt punch him like the person who was burning daggers into Magnus's body just by glaring at him.

“Damn that punch wasn't hard after all,” Raphael muttered under his breath, Magnus acted like he didnt just hear that, though Raphael was wrong, he is hiding the black mark with the makeup. He scanned the room to look for a particular person, he saw Isabelle, Simon, Clary, and Jace being there but Alec wasn't. maybe he didnt want to see Magnus, yeah that might be the reason. “What is that?” Raphael asked, looking at the box Magnus was holding.

“This is, my dear Raph” he emphasized on saying Raphaels name, looking at him who rolled his eyes at Magnus, “my special homemade, cherry chocolate cake that you used to like the most” he teased him, today he was going to get his friend talk with him

“hmm, I don't know, did you use black dark chocolate for it? Just like your soul?” Magnus shrugged with the reply, but once he saw Raphael smirking, he knew his friend was just teasing.

“Lets keep this in the kitchen” Clary interrupted them and thank god for her presence. He was then greeted by Jace who was not that happy with his return and then Simon who was rambling like his own self, thankfully some things arent that changed.

“So, Bane didn't you bring back anyone from the place you were living at?” it was Jace, who was being cocky, and it confirmed that nothing has changed at all. He shook his head if Jace is trying to make Magnus regret thus the Magnus wasn't going to fall in a trap, he has a lot to make right.

“Ignore him, Magnus. he is just being cranky with all the sex ban” Isabelle told him, Magnus smirked at Jace.

“now this is some interesting news” Jace groaned from behind Isabelle “What did you do, Jace?” he waggled his eyebrows at him.

“he made a baby cry in the park” Clary come from the kitchen, holding a glass of wine for Magnus, who mouthed silent thank you in her direction. “and when I warned him, he went on making every baby cry in the park”

“Dude” Magnus laughed with everyone, he doesnt remember laughing this hard when he was away from them, he missed them, he missed this.

“What were you doing in kids park anyway?” Magnus asked through the laugh. Clary blushed looking at Jace, which confirmed Magnus's doubt, they must be trying to have their own which might be on hold with all the ban.

“that isnt going to happen with the ban babe” Jace teased her, going near her, kissing her sweetly.

“Someone Is getting some tonight” Simon whispered near Magnus, who was hoping he will be able to share something like this with someone special, one day.

everyone then settled on the table for dinner, everything was just normal making Magnus's fear go away of them not accepting him again, he was just fit with them like he used to be.

After dinner, surprisingly, Raphael joined him on the couch

“drama queen is surprisingly quite today” he handed a glass of whiskey to Magnus “did that place made some magic with all your quietness or something?”

“Jakarta” Magnus simply replied, smiling at Raphaels comment, he was getting around.

“huh?”

“the place I was at, for these past years”

“Oh, oh!”

Silence fell between them, it wasn't all comfortable, Magnus having no idea what to say, actually he knows what to say but what he doesnt know is how he got up.

“why didn't you tell me Magnus?” he was about to run, literally, but Raphaels voice stopped him, he sounded sad.

“I know, there wasn't a day when I didnt regret not telling you or someone for you people. And no matter how desperately I needed to make things right with my life by taking some time for myself, I shouldnt have kept this from you. Im sorry, ju-just tell me how to make this right, please Raph” he hesitated to say those words “I need you in my life”

“this isnt going to get fixed overnight., but I have missed you so much, too,” he said as he pulled Magnus in for a hug, which was uncalled for. “And I loved that stupid cherry cake too”

“Of course, you did”

On his way back, Raphael asked to come and stay with him and Simon for a night to which he agreed as it was his chance to talk with them about what he was missing. Currently, he was sitting in the backside of a car with Simon, debating over asking about Alec or not. Finally, he said fuck it and asked.

“So, where is Alec, I mean granted he has a husband to be with and all, but I expected him to be there” he chuckled nervously, trying to hide the jitters he was getting just due to taking Alec's name.

“idiota” Raphael cursed under the breath while Simon stared at him with wide eyes.

“What? am I missing something?” looking from Raphael to Simon he asked, confused as ever.

“Magnus, he didnt marry Jamie that day” Raphael finally told him which made Magnus confuse more, what does Raph mean? Did they postpone the wedding or something?

“Alec told Jamie he wasn't ready, and they didnt get married in fact Alec didn't marry at all”

It took Magnus a good ten minutes to process this new-found information. Alec didn't go through a wedding, it was odd to hear it now that he was living in the world where Alec was married to someone else for these past years, Magnus didn't know what to think about it, or what to take from this information.

The rest of the ride was silent, no one spoke, neither did Simon tried to bring some topic up, in some ways, they both understood what Magnus needed right now, and that was silence, so he could take in this new information.  
\--  
Alec can hear faint voices coming from behind him as he licked the collarbone of Sam, one of his colleagues, whom he got to know on this journey. Sam was a young, a talented French man with exceptionally good fashion sense which made Alec think it has a type or what. He didnt want to think about his exes while his hand was inside the latters pants, stroking him lazily as Sam breathed heavily, taking Alec's name. they have been fooling around for three months now, both wanted the same thing, casual nothing serious and Alec was going through so much stress he needed some stress relief and Sam a great companion. Mainly Alec was tired of waiting, waiting was the only thing he was doing in his life, without getting anything that made him think why he was wasting his life. Thus, deciding to fool around instead of having something serious, real mature! After getting off, both entered into the bar heading towards the restroom to get cleaned.

“So” Sam eyed him eyeing a very cryptic tone.

“So??” Alec smirked at him.

“our convection ends tomorrow, and we all be on our separate ways from lets say the day after tomorrow” he moved near Alec, running his hand on Alec's right arm. Yes, Alec was finally going back home, he did like traveling and doing what he loves, but he was kinda missing his home, but why was Sam stating the obvious.

“yes, I can't wait to see my family again.”

Sam gave him a smile, soft smile and he was looking at Alec with hope in his eyes, what the hell he was playing at?

“I was hoping to catch up with you once we are back, you know I really like you” Sam was chewing his lower lips, out of nervousness? But he ignored it since he was more careful about his feelings after everything that has happened with Jamie, he didn't want to hurt another person just because he was pining over his high school sweetheart.

“ummm…I-I really” he started to stutter, great, he cant even reject someone without being a stuttering mess.

“it doesn't have to mean anything, we can just continue from here?” Sam suggested, but there was a flash of disappointment and sadness in his eyes.

“I'll be okay with that, but you have to know that I wont be able to give you more than this, I'm not capable of loving anyone else” his confession made him feel guilty, but Sam smiled, because he knew, on one of their drunken night, Alec has blurted out everything about Magnus and how badly he misses him that sometimes he killed himself to relive from the pain of missing Magnus.

“I-I know, I ju-just don't want this to end, whatever we have is great and Im okay with it, I guess.”

“You really are?” Alec felt bad, but Sam was right about one thing, the sex between them was great and Alec would like to get off on regular basis, with a known person rather than hooking up with someone random.

“I mean I would be lying if I say I don't want something more, but I also respect your terms and I hope one day we could have something more?” Alec doubted it.

“I cant promise you anything Sam, but I'm willing to continue this he saw Sam smiling, a happy smile.

“But I want only one thing from you”

“What is it,” Sam asked, getting close, their bodies flushing together

“I want you to tell me if I am hurting you, I mean emotionally, I want to know if this becomes something to you,” Alec asked, he doubted it Sam was even listening from the way he was looking at Alec, he got a breathless yes from him before his lips on Alec's  
\--  
Getting back and breathing the fresh air of New York made him feel at peace of being at him, but before he could enjoy this moment, Izzy practically ran over him only to crash into a hug. Alec smiled into a hug, he did miss her.

“dude, you've got fat” it was Jace, who gave him cocky smirk, yes Alec agreed he has gained some weight due to his inconsistent morning run and eating food from different countries, he didnt care about it at all. He hugged Jace and Clary next and surprisingly Raphael and Simon were there to receive him a well.

“Thank you so much guys, and I missed you”

“did you really?” Jace said, his voice coming as teasing as he eyed Alec's neck.

“for fucks sake leave him alone Jace” Izzy came near him, giving a teasing smirk. “It seems like you had quite a fun in the flight , brother dear” she pointed at his neck…what could she…oh! Oh! Right, he completely forgot his little make-out session with Sam in their flight. His eyes went wide as he saw his sibling and friends trying not to laugh.

“can we, just leave? I'm tired” he whined, not wanting to give them any information.

“bet you are” Simon snorted but stopped smiling instantly when Alec turned to him, glaring.

Simon threw his hands in the air, dramatically “Don't glare at me like that! Just pointing what we all are seeing” he then waggled his eyebrows, Alec groaned, god! Will this guy ever stop being irritating?

“Its nothing” he replied, pursing his lips together, although he doesnt have to explain them anything, these dumbasses were more involved in his love life than which feels appropriate.

“Cmon Alec, tell us, who was he?? Or who is he??” Izzy bumped her shoulders on his arm making Alec groan again.

“Look can you all just forget about this and be happy about me being back rather than pointing at inappropriate things?” he whined, god this isnt how he wanted to meet them and think about Sam, that wasn't his intention to tell them as well, also what he was supposed to tell them? That they were having casual sex nothing more, or they were fuck buddies, to be exact, no, no he wont tell them anything.

“Of course, we are happy to have you back. But we all want to know about your hard time on the tour” Jace winked at him gaining a glare from Alec.

“Shut up!” he said again “I'm not telling you a thing, just forget it alright?”

“fine” they agreed which was a good thing, for now.  
He ignored the look of innocence he was getting from Izzy, clearly wanting to know more, he looked away from her. “I want everyone at my loft tomorrow evening, I'm cooking”

“I can come early if you want? Help you with chopping some veggies?” Clary offered, Alec nodded in response.

“Do you think we should tell him?” Izzy whispered near Raphael, not wanting Alec to hear it.

“No, I think it is better to keep it from Alec for a day, let him settle in again” Raphael whispered back. It was a good idea, for now.  
\--  
Two days from his coming back, Alec needed to go to Raphaels office to talk about the issue related to his business. He informed Raph about It yesterday afternoon via message, but still, he felt like he should have called him before going directly in the office.

“Alec!” Raphael got up from his chair, completely surprised by ales arrival. “didn't expect you to come this early.”

“What? Is it a bad time?” he asked and gazed behind him “Oh! Hey Magnus”, only when he has called Magnus's name, it hit him that Magnus Bane, his former ex who still has a capability to crush his heart into pieces only by one look was, indeed back in the same city as his. He didnt say anything, neither did Magnus. suddenly, the tension in the room was heavy, Alec saw Raphael shifting uncomfortably but he decided to ignore Raphael completely and focus entirely on the man on the front of him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii!!  
> About the recent episode...  
> I'm still thinking about Alec asking Maryse about the lightwood ring...omg that was insane...and I can't wait to see the proposal :)

_“Once you’re back, I’m going to make your favorite Italian food that you love the most. Trust me, in this past year I’ve become kinda expert in cooking, you will have a hard time beating me up there, Lightwood” Magnus teased. It was after Alec graduating and coming home as he promised Magnus. What he didn’t know, was that Alec was already outside his door. He couldn’t wait until the party which his classmates were throwing for themselves, it has been so many months since he last saw Magnus in person, and he couldn’t wait anymore._

_He smiled looking at the red rose he has picked up on his way back at Magnus’s from the airport. Magnus always had this crazy obsession over roses, he didn’t tell Alec about it though. Alec just knew. A minute later, the door opened and there he was, looking as charming as ever, suddenly Alec felt hot under the shirt he was wearing, he was nervous, damn it, it’s just Magnus, your boyfriend for almost half a decade now, no need to be nervous._

_“su-surprise” he held the rose in front of Magnus, flashing him a nervous smile, Magnus stared at him like he couldn’t quite believe Alec was there._

_“you were coming a day after tomorrow” Magnus replied, face still unreadable. But then he jumped right on Alec, making Alec lose his balance as Magnus hugged him, burying his face in the crook of Alec’s neck. Well, that was a good thing, Magnus has missed him too._

_“couldn’t wait” Alec mumbled while smelling the familiar smell of sandalwood, making him feel he was home, finally. “So, about that pasta, you were talking just now? I’m hungry” he said, brushing his lips near Magnus’s head, he left out a moan when Magnus started leaving little kisses on his neck, and god! After that Christmas, it felt like heaven, to have Magnus’s lips on his. It was everything he needed right now._

_“You will eat afterwards” Magnus told him which felt like more command, he liked it. His voice was raspy and full of need, Alec could tell how affected he looked then because he was himself feeling some uncomfortableness in his pants. “for now, I want to ruin you and your perfect lips” and with that Magnus’s lips were on him, devouring him with passion._

This was the kind of reunion Magnus always hoped to have with Alec, not the one they were having now, where both were in the puzzle of what to do or rather how to make this situation less awkward.

“H-hi…” Magnus breathed out, looking how surprised Alec is.

In between the heavy silence, Raphael did a mature thing and broke down the tension that was building in the room. “Alec, I thought you would be coming afterwards, is something wrong?” he asked, which didn’t do any difference as Alec was looking worriedly at Magnus, trying to figure out what to say.

“Mag-Magnus?” he choked out and Magnus was sure he saw some tears in his eyes, he hated himself for always being the reason behind them. “How are you?” Alec came near him, hugging him, that wasn’t what Magnus was expecting. How much of mistakes he has made and still Alec was ok with making it all past? Or maybe he is just reading too much into a situation.

“I am good, really Alec” he whispered, feeling very safe into the warmth of two strong arms. “and before you ask, I’m doing all required appointments with doctors.” Alec chuckled

“Of course, you are.” He said, still holding Magnus.

“How are you? I mean after everything?” he asked, he was unsure if asking Alec this now will be ok or not, but he needed to know if Alec was ok.

“I’m perfect” Alec replied and when he didn’t say anything else Magnus thought maybe it’s time to ask for an apology.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about my disappearing on you all. I don’t even have any excuse, just hope that you will forgive me for this mistake” for a minute Alec didn’t say anything, he pulled back from the hug and gave Magnus a sad smile which told Magnus how mad Alec still is. “Alec?” Magnus called for him again but still, he didn’t say anything, giving Magnus a smile again, he turned to Raphael.

“I was hoping you have time now?” he asked Raphael which automatically told Magnus that this conversation is over, and he should do something better to earn Alec’s forgiveness for all of his mistakes.

Raphael and Alec talked for an hour or so, in this time Magnus purposefully sat down on the chair, picking up the nearest magazine he found on the table while glancing towards Alec every now and then. It was clear Alec was ignoring looking at Magnus, he knew he did that on purpose and that’s what hurt the most.

After their so-called meeting, Alec went outside without saying goodbye to Magnus.

“Go after him, you idiot” Raphael groaned from the side “Or I’ll do that for you and you will regret everything.”

Magnus didn’t have to hear anything else, he ran after Alec who was apparently running as well. But luck seemed to be on his side as he caught up with Alec just outside the building.

Keeping his hand on the shoulder, he tried to turn Alec as he wasn’t listening to Magnus.   
“Alec, I need to talk with you” Alec shoved his hand, abruptly so startling Magnus a bit. “What?” he sounded angry and Magnus was so screwed. “What do you possibly want to talk about? The fact that you have made the habit of royally screwing up every time you make some decision, the fact that you disappear on the people that care about you or the fact that you think you are all alone, little poor thing and no one wants to help you? should I continue, I have a list and it may take the whole day.” Magnus stared at him blankly, this was the first time Alec has taken it out, all the anger all the frustration towards Magnus. And if you see, it was also the right thing as Magnus wanted to leave behind all the nightmare that has happened between them.

“I-I-” for the first time, Magnus was unable to find the right words.

“What happened Magnus? usually, you are very good with your words. We were supposed to be best friends, even-even after you broke up with me, we were supposed to share important things with each other, why did you stop? Why?? You didn’t even care to tell me about your medical condition, damn it! Magnus, what do-do you think I would have done if anything, anything has happened to you if that was-” Alec’s voice broke into a sob, Magnus’s heart clenching with pain seeing Alec’s eyes with tears. Not knowing what to do, or rather what Alec will do, he moved towards Alec. Only to wrap him up into his arms, the latter one didn’t protest as well, he silently sobbed into Magnus’s arms.

“we were supposed to share everything, you pro-promised me,” Alec said further. And how Magnus remember this, yes, he promised many more things to Alec and he has failed him as well.

“I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to burden with my problems, after everything I’ve made you go through.”

“it’s not your fault, I did something wrong which caused all your insecurities, I guess we should move past that” Alec pulled back and smiled at him, it was all wrong, it wasn’t Alec’s fault that their relationship doomed, Alec shouldn’t blame himself.

“anyways, I should leave,” Alec said, hurriedly.

“do you have time? I want to catch up…just I really missed talking with you, we can get a coffee, or we can talk some other time you want?”

“Magnus” Alec looked at him, amused with Magnus’s rambling “let’s get that coffee.”  
\--  
Alec had a meeting with one of the professors at the university, but that could be rescheduled right? He was meeting Magnus after all those years, seeing him and thinking it wasn’t any dream and Alec would not let him go. No, he isn’t going to lose Magnus again by pushing him away.

“Alec I-” Magnus inhaled sharply “I am so, I am so sorry to put you through all the pain”

Alec kept his coffee in the table, looking up at Magnus he set a firm expression. “I know you are, but we can’t do anything about the things that have happened.”

“No, I need to-we need to talk it out, or else I don’t think everything will be ever normal between us,” Magnus explained, which was right, they needed to take it out, Alec nodded at him. “The thing with Camille, that never meant to happen, I guess we were together for a long time, and I got attention from her which was new, still I don’t have any excuse but regret my actions. Alec, you don’t know how much I hate myself for ruining the only best thing in my life and no apology in the world will make things right, but for what’s it worth I’m truly sorry.” Magnus said as he kept a hand on Alec’s, Alec didn’t flinch back or jerk it away. It was good to make these things clear, they never really got to talk about it.

“I should have been clearer with my feelings and what I wanted, it was my fault too, partly and in between all the drama I never got to say this to you, I’m sorry for not being enough, for not loving you enough, or showing it rather, ” Alec gulped the lump in the throat, his chest tightening while confessing how exactly he felt, he noticed Magnus moving towards him, shaking his head. “No- Alec it’s not-”

Alec shook his head as well, “No, I need you to know, I promised myself al those things, that how I’ll always be there for you and when you needed me, when you were sick, I didn’t even know about it, I didn’t even fucking check on you because I was too busy playing dates with Jamie.” Alec chocked out, tears gathering in his eyes, Magnus tightened his hold on Alec’s hand.

“You didn’t know, it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know” Magnus kept saying it as if him saying will make all those things that happened go away. “It wasn’t your fault Alec, I’m here now, healthy. Also, never ever think you weren’t enough, you were more than enough, it was my stupid fault to make you believe this. You should stop blaming yourself Alec, please.” Alec smiled, pulling his hand away to wipe those damn tears.

“I don’t know how we got into this mess Magnus and I don’t know how to carry on from here” Alec seemed helpless, so did Magnus.

“I think talking about these past years will be a good start, I missed talking with you, having you tell me what I was doing wrong whenever I did something stupid like run away to some unknown place, yeah that will be a great start.” Alec laughed, Magnus wanted their friendship back, and for now, that’s what mattered a lot.

“So, how have you been?” Magnus asked, they were still sitting close and Magnus might have noticed it as he moved to sit opposite to Alec.

“I’m surviving” Magnus chuckled, and oh! how Alec loved seeing him smile. “no really, the work pressure at the firm is killing me day by day, that’s why I took this world tour with some professors, it really helped so much so I’m thinking about switching the career.”

“really? I haven’t imagined you anything but a guy winning every case just with the power of his words.”

Alec smiled, Magnus and Alec knew each other, of course, but these years have changed them, individually. “not entirely, but I’m thinking about joining university, as professors on the tour really inspired me, seeing those enthusiastic students make me want to make some difference for them, I don’t know if it will be all success or failure, but I’m thinking about it.”

“I always thought you would look dashing in those professor suits, Alexander” Magnus teased, and then went silent after realizing what he said, Alec missed this easy teasing between them, so Alec decided to take this easy.

“Please, I think I’ll just look like one of those old, boring professors with their stupid round glasses.” Magnus didn’t say anything, he just smiled. “How about you? where have you been?”

“You know how I always talk about going to Indonesia? I’ve been there, it’s nice plus I got to do my dream job there, bartending” he chuckled, looking around the café, Alec once made Magnus a promise about going to do a little visit with him there.

They talked more for some time until that stupid Sam called. His cell was on the table and there wasn’t a chance Magnus missed seeing the caller’s name as it took Alec a few seconds to realize it was ringing, he was too busy staring at Magnus.

“Hey, can we talk later,” Alec asked, Sam thankfully agreed. “oh yeah, I’ll call you back, bye”

“boyfriend?” Magnus asked, and Alec froze, what should he tell Magnus about Sam? Or does he want Magnus to know and assume something about it?

“I don’t know” he blurted out, heart thudding loudly against the chest.

“you don’t know?” Magnus raised one eyebrow in a question. Alec shrugged.

“We didn’t talk about the label” another lie, Alec wasn’t sure what he was lying, there was no absolute reason other than shame. Just the idea of Magnus thinking he was disgusting made him groan with frustration.

Magnus pursed his lips, thinking “you should go, have that meeting then, I don’t want to keep you away from him” you could, Alec wanted to say, god! how desperate he can get for Magnus’s affections? how? he will never know.

Heaving a deep sigh, Alec shook his head, he was meeting Magnus after a long time, he doesn’t want their meeting to be short. “No! I have time. I’m surprised Raph didn’t kill after seeing you back, I mean, he was pretty mad at you when you left.”

“he nearly did” Magnus laughed, and oh! How that laugh brightened everything around him, Alec loved Magnus laugh, after all those years. Stop, Alec scolded his brain, he doesn’t want to go on that path again, no, this can’t happen. “but I got a really bad black eye circle after he punched me right in the face.” He pouted, and Alec wanted to scream at him for being so stupidity cute, it was frustrating. “I kinda deserved it though”

“Don’t think like that now” Alec comforted “I’m sure you worked on the apology towards him considering you were in his office now?”

“yeah, I made him that stupid chocolate cake he likes and that was enough for him”

“You should make Italian pasta of yours for me, then” Alec teased, smirking at Magnus.

“Maybe I should.” Magnus grinned back at him. And for the first time Alec believed, the thing will be good between them, again.  
\--  
 _'guess who are you talking with?'_ Magnus’s phone beeped, giving him a text notification, it was a text from Alec. Without him noticing, a small smile spread onto his lips, they have been texting back and forth since their discussion last week and Magnus couldn’t help but feel sixteen again.

“Now that’s very cryptic text, what on the earth happened to you, Alexander? Did someone steal your mobile?”

“ _Ha-ha, you are funny”_

 _“But no. you are now chatting with an official professor at nyu, you can call me dr. lightwood from now on.”_ Oh! Yes, Alec mentioned this while they discussed everything, this was great, he seemed genuinely excited about this.

'That’s huge Alec, I’m happy for you'

_'Thank you, Magnus, Izzy’s here, I’ll talk to you later'_

'of course, dr. lightwood you are a busy man now' Magnus replied, tossing his phone couch he needs to get ready as he was meeting a guy, Imasu for discussing the clothing materials he might be supplying to Magnus.

“What got my gloomy big brother all smiley and cheery in the morning?” Izzy asked as Alec was just replying to Magnus’s message. He got an email from the head of the law department of nyu just a few minutes ago and he couldn’t help but share this news with Magnus. Things were good between them, not normal but good, texting helped. Alec was trying to become Magnus’s friend again, trying to know him again. He was aware of how easily he has forgiven Magnus, but it’s been years. Magnus did apologize to him, he did everything to make himself stay away from Alec, as far as possible but Alec was the one who didn’t want that, he wanted Magnus in his life.

“Nothing” he replied, tossing his body on the bed. “and I’m not depressed” he then glared at her.

“Is that the airport guy you were texting, just now?” Alec groaned, of course, Sam was in the picture, they were fucking whenever the other was horny, nothing more, but how can he say this to his little sister? “C’mon Alec, you never told us anything about him, are you guys dating? You are, right??” she fluttered her perfect eyelashes towards him, Alec knew his sister, she was then a little innocent girl she tried to act sometimes.

“There is nothing going on between me and Sam” Alec declared, and immediately regretted as he has just given Izzy vital information, she is smart and could get any information of she just looked for it.

“So, he does have a name, huh?”

“Shut up, and let’s go to the hunter's moon tonight, I want to celebrate, I just got a mail saying they have accepted my application” Izzy’s eyes went wide, she smiled with happiness, hugging him by the shoulders as Alec was flat on his back.

“I’m so happy for you Alec, I know you always get everything that you want”

“Not everything” Alec whispered, thinking Isabelle won’t hear him, but she did. She was looking at Alec with sad eyes as if she got what he was trying to say. But Alec was grateful that she didn’t say anything about it, nor did she try to judge him.

“I heard from Raphael” she then added, sitting next to him, “We thought it will be better to keep things away from you for a while, that keeping him away will help-”

Alec cut her sentence abruptly, he wants his family and friends to stop meddling his business and disrupting Magnus like this. “It never helped” he got up from the bed, making his way towards the small window in his apartment. “Staying away from him is the hardest thing for me, I want him in my life and I don’t care if it’s just as friends. We were friends even before we started dating, I know we can be friends again”

“but still Alec, don’t you think-”

“No! it’s getting late for you to go to the work, I’ll see you in the evening” he said, already going into the bathroom.

When he got out of the shower, he saw some messages from Izzy on his phone.

_‘I’m sorry if I crossed the line, as always. But I said that only because I don’t want to see you anything but happy, but I guess, you know what’s better for yourself ’_

‘it’s ok Iz, and I’m sorry for snapping at you’

_‘I get you hermano, I’ll see you in the club. Love ya’_

‘Love you too Izzy’  
\--  
“you called him too?” Izzy pointed towards the entrance when Magnus was just entering alongside Raphael and Simon.

“I-yes” he simply replied, ignoring what she said next as his mind was all focused on how good Magnus was looking in that maroon shirt with simple blue jeans. He had a very light makeup, just a little hint of eyeliner and hairs stretched up. He was scanning the room, probably to find Alec and when their eyes met, seeing Magnus smile at him made Alec forget everything else.

“Are you even listening?” Izzy asked he ignored her again, rolling his eyes. “Alec, I swear if you-”

“No” he replied, going to greet his friends. Just one glance at Magnus and his mood suddenly boosted by ten times, only God knows what and how Magnus manages to make him feel like this.

“hi” he greeted, looking from Raphael, Simon to finally Magnus, smiling brightly he gave Magnus a node.

Magnus greeted everyone, the whole time Alec was unable to keep his eyes away from him. He was just perfect. Izzy must have noticed his stare as she questioned him.

“Is Sam coming as well?” Izzy asked, and damn it Iz, did you have to ask this now only? He gazed towards Magnus who was fidgeting with his rings, nervously.

“I don’t know, he is a busy guy, after all,” Alec replied, half interested in the conversation anyways.

“Who is Sam? How come I’ve never heard about this guy?” Clary has to ask, yup now those two are gonna embarrass Alec and that too in front of Magnus, great, just so fucking great.

Izzy gave him a teasing smile, “the guy who makes my big brother all grinning face in the morning. I actually wondered why he is less stressed these past few days.” Now it was Jace’s turn, of course.

“This is pure betrayal, Alec. We had a deal, whoever you bone, you need to tell me first, me first, then whoever you want to tell” his ass didn’t take an hour to get drunk already. Alec groaned, these friends of his were idiots. He glanced at Magnus, who was looking uncomfortable and thought about how it must be hard for him to listen to those things or get comfortable with them.

“I need some air” before Clary could tease him, he went outside the club, looking for the fresh air.  
__  
“What is wrong with him? I thought we are here to celebrate his success? Jace said after seeing Alec leave abruptly out of the club. Magnus had no idea what to think of this. Should he go after Alec, will that be a good idea? Probably not. He sighed, it’s better to wait here, he thought.

“I don’t know, did something happen with Sam? He isn’t that cheery about the situation, I guess” Clary stated

“I don’t know if it has something to do with Sam, he was pretty happy in the morning while chatting with him. Besides, he is in the good mood these days, I guess Sam is good for him” Izzy said, looking at Magnus, Magnus was pretty sure what she meant by that. It hurt, still he ignored, it’s his fault, this is all his fault. “I’m going to get my brother back, and we are gonna party wild” Jace slurred, he was drunk already. Clary pulled him back on the seat from where he was trying to get up.

“shut up Jace, you’ve drunk your ass off already, let someone else go.”

Izzy got up “I’ll talk to him, he is just being dramatic, I guess”

After a few minutes, Magnus thought it is better to leave now, he can’t drink, and it was sure Izzy or Jace or even Alec wants him here right now.

“I should leave,” he said, clearing his throat. “I have an early morning tomorrow” giving a lame excuse he got up, he didn’t want to explain to them how uncomfortable he was feeling, or even everyone else due to his presence.

“do you want me to drop you?” Raphael seemed concerned.

“No Raph, I’ll take a cab, you enjoy the evening dear” Saying short goodbyes to everyone, Magnus was on his way to the exit. This wasn’t how he planned the evening, he was going to spend some time with Alec, even though he was restraining himself from taking alcohol, completely, he wanted to be here for Alec. He even had a gift to give Alec, but things turned wrong since he put the foot in the club. It was clear, Alec’s siblings didn’t approve his presence, so it is better to go than stay.  
\--  
“where is Magnus?” Alec asked as soon as he was back inside, Izzy came to him but before she could say a word he was inside, he just needs to be close to Magnus as possible as he can be.

“He has an early morning meeting tomorrow, guess he is busy these days” Simon replied, Alec hurried himself out, so he can catch up with Magnus. On his way out, he heard Jace calling his name, but he didn’t give a damn and ran towards the exit.

Thankfully for him, Magnus was still there, waiting for the cab.

“Magnus!” he ran towards Magnus, Magnus didn’t notice him, too busy waving for the cabs.

“Magnus…hey” Alec was breathless by the time he was there, Magnus seemed to be startled a bit by the sudden voice.

“Alexander, what are you doing here? I mean I thought you were inside by now, Isabelle did come to look for you, didn’t she?” Magnus looked behind him, probably thinking if Izzy was still following Alec.

“she did.”

“Oh right. Are you alright?” his concerning voice was always made Alec feel wanted as he did matter after all.

He smiled at Magnus, moving a little closer which hopefully didn’t seem to cross the personal space “I’m just fine” Magnus smiled back. “Why are you leaving so early, the party isn’t even started, let’s go back and have some fun.” Alec took his wrist and turned so that they could both go inside.

“Alec, I think I’ve gotta go.” What? Why? Did Magnus not want to be here?

Seeing confusion on Alec’s face, Magnus added further “everything is fine, I’m okay, it-it’s just I have an early morning meeting and I can’t get clients if I don’t prepare what I am going to say, so-”

Suddenly Alec felt anger rising inside him, Magnus was lying he was sure of it. He wanted a new start, not this, distrust. “If you don’t want to be here then say it, just stop lying Magnus” he snapped and almost regretted seeing the hurt look on Magnus’s face. Magnus didn’t say anything, he kept staring to the ground. Where did the Magnus he knew go? where is his Magnus who had answers ready for every question thrown on his way. This Magnus was unknown to him, scared.

“look if this is how you want to play Magnus, then it's fine by me, it's fucking fine. I tried not to make a big deal out of the situation we are in, the situation you have created may I remind you, but it seems like you don’t want to take efforts. I think it will be better for both to live our lives on our own terms” Alec spoke whatever his mind was providing him right now, he didn’t think twice on the words he was saying. “I guess my life is better without you” he stormed inside without turning back, tears gathering in his own eyes. He was angry to the point where he just wanted to punch someone. Why can’t this nightmare just end so he could hold Magnus in his arms or let Magnus hold him and make him forget of anything between them ever happened? But they don’t seem to stop hurting one another.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes

“You know what, screw this, screw all of this” Magnus heard Alec glowering as he turned and approached him. There was fury in his eyes with determination and Magnus will admit that he was a bit scared but excited, he has never seen Alec like this. “I don’t care about the consequences this will bring, I don’t fucking care, since this feels right, only this feels right.”

Within a second Alec was in front of him, grabbing his waist rather roughly only to dip his head and catch Magnus’s lips with his. For a minute Magnus didn’t understand what was happening, his stayed there, unmoving as Alec’s lips moved against his, wet and eager.

Alec’s hold was firm on his hips, Magnus then stopped thinking whatever his brain was providing him and gave in. he gave in and returned Alec’s kiss with Same eager, Same enthusiasm. For the first time in six years, Magnus felt everything was right. Kissing Alec was like coming to home for him. He moved little further, their bodies touching everywhere, hot and on fire due to the tension between them.

He moved his hand to trace Alec’s jaw, his finger brushing on the cheeks as he continued to kiss Alec. Magnus traced Alec’s lower lip with his tongue, asking for permission to taste that perfect mouth, which Alec granted easily. Not a second after, Magnus sucked inside Alec’s mouth, tasting him, remembering how much he missed the familiar scent. Magnus’s hands move from Alec’s face to his neck, holding him still in a place so he could deepen the kiss, he heard Alec gasping in the kiss, his breathing coming hard and heavy as Magnus continued to explore his perfect mouth without any mercy.

Magnus wanted to forget, for a moment, he wanted to believe everything that has happened between them wasn’t true, it didn’t happen, and they were just Alec and Magnus who loved one another utterly and completely. But wasn’t the reality, Alec might regret this kiss later, which made him still in the kiss, untangle his hands from Alec’s body, he broke the kiss and moved away from Alec.

Alec’s eyes were still closed when he tried to chase Magnus lips and whined when he couldn’t. Magnus stared at him, with kiss swollen and red from kissing, hairs messed a bit and cheeks flushed with perfect pink tone, Alec was looking like an angel whom Magnus don’t want to hurt, not again, never again.

“Magnus?” he looked confused once he opened his eyes, and Magnus wanted nothing more the kiss that frown away from Alec’s face, but he restrained himself.

“What are we doing Alec?” he rasped out. He was sure he sounded serious, but then Alec chuckled and Magnus wondered what he said wrong now?

Alec moved closer to him, ducking his head, to get close to Magnus as possible. “that is, I believe called as kissing” he smiled, as if he was ready to forget everything Magnus has done to him. When Alec was too close to kiss him, Magnus pulled back, keeping a hand on Alec’s chest shaking his head.

“Al-Alec, we can’t, not after what I’ve don’t to you” Magnus said and regretted after seeing the hurt look on Alec’s face. For some reason, Magnus can’t help but keep hurting Alec, he wanted this to be stopped. “I feel like I don’t deserve you, you are such good person, Alec and I know you deserve better than man who can’t help but hurt you, every time he does something, anything at all.”

Alec stared at him, for long before answering. “You are right, you keep hurting me, you hurt me when you left me, you hurt me when you were okay with me being with someone else, rubbing it on your face, you hurt me when you didn’t tell me about the medical situation you were suffering from thinking I won’t care, you hurt me when you showed in my wedding which wasn’t ours, you hurt me when you left this place, left me again.”

He sighed, Magnus stared at him “but Magnus, nothing you did hurt so bas as much as seeing you doing nothing is hurting me. I want you to fight for me, I want you to just do something, but if you are just going to sulk about hurting me for your whole life, then I have to take things in my hand and do something about this, because clearly you aren’t going to.

So, just let me kiss you oaky? It’s been a while.” Before Magnus could say anything, Alec’s lips were on his, demanding him more, always more. Magnus’s brain short circuited again, trying to make sense out of the situation. Alec wanted him, Alec still wanted him and Magnus was thinking this all wrongly. He thought Alec don’t want anything to do with him anymore, but on the contrary, Alec wanted him to try, fight for them. He is an idiot, dumb dumb idiot who still doesn’t understand how wonderful and forgiving Alec is.

If Alec wants this, him to fight for them, then he can do this, right? He can make up to Alec.   
He tugged Alec’s hairs, to break their kiss so he could look into those bambi eyes he adored the most. Alec was breathless, but he was smiling, like this was the biggest reward he has gained int his lifetime. “I-I missed you, I missed you, so fucking much, you have no idea” Magnus’s voice cracked as he confessed, finally, not to anyone but to Alec. He did miss him, and it pained so much to think how he has screwed the best thing in his life.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything” he pecked Alec’s lips once, twice before hugging him close. He can sense Alec taking a long breath, like he was smelling Magnus’s hairs, Magnus remembers how much Alec liked the smell of sandalwood.

“I thou-thought, you don’t want me anymore. I mean I knew you loved me, but after what I’ve don’t, I never imagined I can have you like this again. I ju-just I’m sorry and if-if I have to spend my rest of life making thing right with you, then that is what I’ll do.” He sobbed through tears, Alec didn’t say anything, he just held Magnus close, but his breathing was uneven and Magnus knew when Alec was crying silently.

“Everything seem right when you are holding me, my life wasn’t going anywhere without you, you are light in my life, Alexander, the only person who matters to me the most.” Magnus bite his lips, not wanting to say love word right now, he doesn’t want to scare Alec. Alec’s hold tightened on Magnus, somehow, he managed to pull Magnus even closer as they both cried silently in each other’s arms.

After what it seemed to be eternity, they pulled back from the hug, Alec’s hands still firm on Magnus’s hips while Magnus was holding him by wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck. Alec kissed his forehead, then cheeks, nose, both eyelids. He stopped when their lips were close, touching even before staring into Magnus’s eyes deeply which made Magnus’s body shiver with the want he felt from the latter.

Alec closed that inch of a distance again, his nose bumping against Magnus’s cheek, leaving tingling sensations with Alec slowly moving his lips against Magnus’s. contrary to their kiss just few minutes ago, this was a slow sweet kiss implying how much they’ve missed each other. Alec smiled into kiss which definitely made Magnus’s heart flutter with the happiness. After a while, Alec kept them close by joining their forehead, smiling while his eyes were still closed.

“I missed you too” he simply said which made Magnus smile. “So much” he purred the last words, which was cute and adorable, just like Alec.

“Wait” Magnus pulled back, to keep some distance between them, which made Alec frown with confusion “The guy, you were talking about? I mean of course I trust you, but I don’t understand”

Alec smiled taking Magnus’s hand in his “Magnus, calm down, I told Sam nothing can happen between us, just after I messaged you about the party. We have waited for so long Magnus, I just don’t want something else to come between us, I need to be with you, because that’s the only truth I know.” Overwhelmed with Alec’s reply, Magnus couldn’t help but close the distance between them, kissing Alec probably to intensely than he intended.  
\--  
Alec stumbled a bit backwards by the force Magnus attacked his lips, he didn’t care if they collapse on the ground, if Magnus promised to kiss him like for the lifetime. He was happy, Alec was so damn happy to have Magnus in his arms again, they have a lot to talk about, but they have time, they’ll talk and solve their issues, but for now he wanted to make up for the lost time.

Magnus kept kissing him, and oh! How he missed the familiar touch which left his whole body in need, always more, something more. “Ma-Magnus-” he panted against the lips, Magnus’s hands traveled under his shirt, tracing his skin which was heated due to the single touch from Magnus. “Do you think we should um-” Alec breathed heavily and sopped whatever he was saying after seeing the lust filled and dilated eyes of Magnus. his breathing was irrational as well, lips swollen with the kissing and the eye makeup ruined a bit which Alec assumed was due to crying.

Magnus cleared his throat, looking around “Yeah, yeah” he finally managed to say, pulling his hands back from Alec’s skin as Alec already missed the touch. “We should umm- get back inside, your sibling might be wondering where you have been”

Alec shook his head, Magnus will always behave like this if he keeps himself behind or assumes he is less because what he has done.

“No, I meant, do you want to get out of here?” Alec asked, Magnus blinked with confusion “Magnus, I want this” he moved a bit close to Magnus, placing palm of his hand on Magnus’s cheeks. “Hey, I know you want this too, so you have to forgive yourself and stop thinking about where everything went wrong.” Alec hated seeing Magnus like this, so broken, in pain.

“How can I forgive myself when every moment I spend with you make me realize how horrible I was to you, I honestly don’t understand why would you ever want me, I only gave you pain and nothing else.”

“You are wrong Magnus, don’t you see I can’t be with anyone even if try, you have my heart, for now for then and forever, please you need to understand and try to forgive yourself. Can you do that for me?”

Magnus inhaled sharply, holding on Alec’s hand whose palm of hand was still on Magnus’s cheek. “for you, I’ll always try Alec, always.”

“Great” Alec leaned to kiss on Magnus’s noes and a tear on his cheek, Magnus murmured something “What was that?”

“Nothing” Alec quirked his eyebrow towards Magnus, asking silently. “that stubble is looking hot on you” Magnus replied, shying away a bit.

“Oh yeah?” Alec knew his cheeks were heated, but he didn’t care, he was just happy.

Clearing his throat Magnus moved a bot away from Alec “You should really go inside, they must be waiting for you.” Alec knew Magnus was right, but he don’t want to leave Magnus yet, he just got him. “Hey, we will meet again, go on dates and do all the silly things we were used to do, but for now you need to go in and carry the party you threw them for them.”

“You promise?”

Magnus smiled humming before answering “of course.”

“Then I’m going in, I guess” he pouted a bit but smiled when saw Magnus leaning in for a kiss.

“you sure you don’t wanna come? I’m sure they will understand”

“As much I would love that, I really should prepare for the presentation I’m going to present in front of the people who can be the potential money provider.” Yes of course, Alec thought about this before suggesting an idea.

“How about I come to your house after they all go home; will that be okay?” Magnus didn’t answer Alec thought he is taking this in a wrong way. “I-I just want to be close to you, sleep in with your arms around me, it’s been a century since you last held me in our arms”

Magnus smiled, nodding as a response “aren’t you the sweetest? Of course, you can come, I’ll be waiting”

After sharing few more kisses Magnus went on his way back to the loft, leaving behind very happy Alec.

“what took you so long, bro” jace threw his one arm over Alec’s shoulder, making him wince due to the sudden moment.

“I was just talking to Magnus, he said he has some early meeting tomorrow.” Alec tired to hide the happy smile, which he sure was on his face, but failed, thanks to jace’s drunken state he didn’t pick on it.

Throughout the entire time, Alec was competing with the urge of going to Magnus’s apartment, he was tapping his right leg continuously with the loss of patience. “What’s the matter with you?” raphael asked, who was sitting next to him.

“nothing” he sighed, raphael gave him a look “Fine fine, I’m just tired, wanna go home and crash in early.”

“your home or…?” he didn’t complete the sentence, but his teasing smile made sure what he meant.

“we should leave, its already late” raphael said, turning to simon. Alec knew he was making things easier for him which he was thankful for.

After everyone left, saying their goodbyes, Alec practically ran towards his car and derived to Magnus hoping he was awake.  
\--  
“hi” Alec was greeted by very sleepy Magnus. it was like just a moments ago, Magnus took his makeup off, looking so soft with his hairs down, falling on his forehead, Alec felt sudden urge to run his fingers through his hairs, so that what he did.

“Hi yourself” he whispered, a voice which was audible to only Magnus.

“How was the rest of the party?”

“boring, now that you weren’t there”

Magnus smiled “It’s going to be even more boring after this. I’m going to sleep, that way you won’t be having anyone to speak.” Giving a yawn, Magnus gave some space for Alec to enter in.

“I don’t care as long as you promise to hold me while you sleep.” He said, well are how desperate he must be sounding, but he gets to sleep with Magnus, he was definitely winning.

“Of course, do you need the change of clothes and maybe shower?”

“um, yeah if that’s okay? I mean I don’t have my clothes and I don’t want to bother-”

“Alexander, don’t you worry about this, I’ve a pair of your old sweatshirts which I wasn’t able to you know, just-” Magnus made a wave of hand, probably avoiding saying ‘throw out’ which made Alec feel good for some reason.

“I guess I can you some of your cloths, those sweatshirts are way too old”

“Okay then, wait here till I find something that will actually fit you”

After taking shower and changing, Alec stood awkwardly in the bedroom, Magnus snorted. “Com on in now Alec, or you will have to sleep on couch”

“Is this okay? I mean are you okay with this” Alec was still unsure, Magnus’s feelings mattered for him, a lot.

“Alec I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t mean it, now come on in”

Alec went over, carefully lying in the bed, Magnus didn’t hesitate while keeping his hand on Alec’s hips which spend sparks all over Alec’s body. Alec then turned his back to Magnus, to give him proper access so Magnus could cuddle him. He liked being little spoon, he will never admit it to his sibling or he isn’t gonna hear the end of it.

After a while Alec started to speak the things he wanted to clear between them.

“I hated you when you left me, I was angry at myself first, for-for loving you so selflessly and yet not showing it properly, but then then you left and I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I drew myself into alcohol, stress and everything, knowing how angry I was at you, but then after a week or so, I came to me, you have left me for good and that made me realize I was a mess without you, still my anger didn’t lessen towards you” his voice cracked remembering those days, miserable one, the feeling of emptiness which Alec don’t want to go through again, ever.

“I started to take those classes, that’s where I met Jamie, he was so good to me, so good than even I deserved. He made me realize what my life can be without you. I liked it, but that feeling didn’t last long, I -I missed you every day even u was with Jamie, I felt guilty whenever we had sex, because for me you were everything” Alec was shaking and sobbing, but he needs to get it out.

“Alec please-”

“No Magnus, I need to tell you everything, Jamie proposed to me, gave me time to reply and I said yes, because I wanted to make him happy for making me happy, he just gave and gave, but I never was able to be honest with him until the day of wedding. Seeing you there, I was sure I’m not doing anything right, to him, to me. I knew what I needed but couldn’t have. I was going to talk with you, but then I saw your letter. I don’t know what to make out of it but be angry with you even more. I’ve tried to move on, desperately so, but I couldn’t. I want you Magnus, only you, I know you do as well, you just feel guilty, I want you to stop this.”

“The moment I left you, after few days, I wanted to make things up with you, bu-but I couldn’t, feeling guilty and thinking you were better without me. The day you told everyone about the marriage, it broke me, knowing I don’t stand a chance now. I couldn’t live here anymore, I needed an escape. I’m so sorry for putting you through all pain Alec, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making things right for you if that’s what it takes.”

I was everything Alec wanted to hear right now, Magnus snuggled in his side, even more, giving little kissed on Alec’s neck. “I guess we need to heal together” Alec whispered.

“yeah, let’s do that.”

And for the first time in so many years, they both fell asleep believing they were finally home.

 


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not over the episode!  
> Here is the epilogue of this story. Thank you for sticking around, thank you for your response :)
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: Smut

It was his first day as a professor, Alec was nervous, after a brief meet with the faculties, he was guide to his cabin. It was his dream to share his knowledge and help as many students as he can. His today’s schedule wasn’t that tight, there were only two lectures, Alec sighed, he can do this.

After reaching at his desk, he saw red roses and a note attached to it, his heart thudded against the ribcage, only by thinking the possibility of who left those here.

“You’ve freaking got this” -M.B.

It was a simple message, but it didn’t fail to bring the biggest smile on Alec’s face. he ran his thumb over the perfect handwriting of the owner, it made his heart swell with happiness. It was silly, rather, being this happy due to the small gesture, inhaling the smell of roses deeply, Alec forgot where he was for a moment.

It was over a four since Alec and Magnus decided to get back together, it was all like a dream and Alec was the happiest. Magnus was still insecure about the whole him hurting Alec thing, but Alec didn’t fail to reassure him how happy he is now that Magnus is finally with him.

  
They talked about keeping quite about the whole thing till they figure this out, it was more of Alec’s decision, but Magnus agreed with him anyways. It seemed to be the right thing to do not wanting the judging eyes on them, especially on Magnus. He doesn’t want Magnus to get insecure, ever again.

 _‘I thought I was the romantic one, but I like to be surprised’_ he texted Magnus, feeling giddy and young in love. he hasn’t told Magnus yet, he still loved Magnus, always will but something was stopping him, needing to take time with the whole thing, Alec never uttered those words, even when he was on the high of emotions, Magnus deep inside him, feeling connected with him in every sense, he bites those words away. One day, he will have enough courage to utter those words to Magnus, hopefully soon.

  
His cell pinged showing Magnus’s name on the screen

_‘you’re welcome. Sometimes I like the changes. I hope you’re having a great day xo’_

_‘Flowers are lovely, thank you, I’m still wondering how you got in my office without my help?’_

_‘oh, it was easier than I thought. Do you remember Imasu? The transfer student in our high school? Well guess what, he is one of the history professors at your university, I was going through the contacts of the professor to see if I could get any help and then I saw his name. So, long story short, he helped me’_

Alec perfectly remembers Imasu and he perfectly remembers his heart eyes towards Magnus with Magnus being totally oblivious to it. Alec hated that guy with his whole guts, he got transferred in their grade and Magnus being ever friendly, helped him a lot thus Alec had to take things in his hands and stake his claim, not that Magnus was some kind of object, but he couldn’t help but worry and feel jealous.

He had a long and tensed talk with Imasu, which was more threatening, which might have helped him as Imasu stopped eyeing Magnus whenever he was around. But now, he has to be in same campus as Imasu, and Magnus and he were in contact, great.

 _‘also, check the drawers, I’ve another surprise for you’_ Alec let out the thoughts drop from his mind and went to see another surprise. There was a box of chocolate candies, made by Magnus, definitely. And they were in heart shape, those couldn’t get any cuter. Alec forgot about the Imasu thing and ate one of the candies, humming with the satisfaction, this was good.

Instead of messaging Magnus, he dialed facetime.

“this isn’t fair, you made me cookies and I can’t even kiss you as my gratitude” he pouted, making Magnus laugh lightly.  
“how about I take you on a date today, after I get off the work? We can celebrate or something?”

“I can’t tonight, I-I promised Izzy and Jace I’ll spend some time with them” both his siblings were being brat and demanding Alec some of his time. He really wanted to be with Magnus and celebrate his first day.

“I can come after I get rid of them and maybe give you other kind of candy in return” he purposefully swayed his tongue around the chocolate, licking it while keeping eye contact with Magnus. he heard Magnus swearing under the breath, as he himself was getting hot under the layers of clothing which was an inappropriate behavior on his first day at work.

“Alexander...” Magnus warned, his eyes tracing every single detail of Alec’s moments as Alec was sure this was a big mistake, now he needed Magnus, like right now.

They stared at each other, without a single word exchanging between them “tonight” Alec purred “Tonight” Magnus repeated, and before anyone could say anything which can make the situation worse, they both stopped the facetime. Alec sighed, he was acting like a horny teenager again, but he liked this, he liked how they were getting on the track again.  
\--  
“You seem distracted” Izzy poked him from the side where she was sitting right next to him.  To say was distracted was an understatement. After their agreement on meeting tonight, Magnus kept teasing him sending him not so subtle messages and picture which seemed innocent but definitely had a double meaning.

“Nothing, I’m just happy to be doing what I love. All these years I never thought I could ever have this, but I’m glad” he wasn’t sure if he was talking about his job or Magnus, perhaps it was Magnus, but his siblings don’t need to know this.

“Whatever it is Alec I’m happy for you” Alec quirked an eyebrow at her, his sister doesn’t know, does she? “I really am. He makes you happy, I’ve seen it throughout the years and even if I think he isn’t right for you, your opinion is what matters the most.”

By the angel, his siblings know. Apparently, they went great at hiding things out. He was glad they supported though, because Alec can’t take any negative comment from Izzy about Magnus anymore. Magnus was trying his best now that they have got together, he doesn’t want anyone to doubt it.

“Yeah” Jace said “But if he does something wrong, I won’t hesitate before killing him, I won’t even care about me being in prison.”

“Jace-” Alec warned, he really appreciated them being protective, but not when they were going to hurt Magnus in any way.

“I know, I know. But are you sure this is what you want? That this is the right thing?”

Alec understood their concern, he really did. But he wouldn’t be back with Magnus I he didn’t feel like he was dying every day which he had to spend apart from Magnus.

“I don’t know about the future or what it holds for us. But I love him, I always have and I’ll always. He has given me everything when I had nothing, he has made me the man I am today. I’m sure, no one will make me happy as much as he does.” Alec’s voice cracked, damnit, why was he so emotional when it comes to Magnus, why can’t he be the normal?  
“then you have our approval, not that you needed it.” Alec chuckled. this dinner turned out to be more fun that he expected.  
\--  
“So, I heard lightwoods are having night out” it was clary, seeing her here was a pleasant surprise. “I thought we could catch up while they do that.”

“Come on in biscuit” Magnus greeted her giving a kiss on the cheek “and you thought very well”

They spend some time preparing dinner and talking about the lost times and Magnus’s time in Indonesia. It was great, clary has always cared for him as a sister she is good company to have.

“So…” clary bites her lip, they were sitting on the couch, wine glass in their hand

“So?” Magnus asked, completely confused

“I saw the small box on the kitchen counter, curiosity got me, and I opened it” that wasn’t supposed to be out of Magnus’s closet, but now that it was out, he don’t have any reason to hide, not from her. He has been thinking about giving that ring to ale, not that it has to mean anything, it can be as a promise ring, but he was having his doubts.

“I’m assuming you know what is going on between me and Alec” he was sure, they went that good at keeping things away from people. She nodded “I’ve been thinking”

“then what’s stopping you?”

After a pause Magnus replied “I hurt him clary, more than anyone. And I feel I don’t deserve him or his love. He has completely forgiven me. I mean how can someone be that good and want me?”

“you made a mistake Magnus a terrible one, but you’ve been suffering because of it. Alec didn’t forgive you just like that, you’ve earned his forgiveness. You’ve been on his side and doing everything for this relationship to work, aren’t you?” Magnus knew she was right, but he still thought he wasn’t enough.

“Alec will be the happies person when you ask him to marry him, trust me” she added, Magnus hoped she was right.  
\--  
“hi” Alec greeted, sappy smile on his face. It was just past 11, Magnus was expecting Alec to come, and he did.

“Hi, you” Magnus replied, kissing him on lips, just a peck. “I thought I gave you a key for a reason? Why don’t you use it?”

“It keeps slipping out of my mind.” Alec replied, Magnus rolled his eyes, before guiding them towards the couch. After seeing two glasses of wine, Alec raised his eyebrows. “Clary visited. And she knows about our little secret romance”

“Well, my sibling does too. I thought I was able to keep my moon eyes away from you when we were with them, but clearly I was wrong” Alec pouted, and god he was looking amazing.

“It’s a good thing, right?” Magnus stepped in Alec’s personal space, running his hand lightly through the collar of Alec’s grey shirt.  Alec breathed harshly before kissing Magnus on forehead.

“Of course, it is, why wouldn’t it be?”

Alec replied, Magnus moved ahead, resting his head on Alec’s chest as Alec wrapped his hands around Magnus’s hips.

“Alright, what do you want?” Magnus asked, even though he was pretty sure what they wanted right now.

“You, always you” Alec replied, before taking Magnus’s hand and leading them towards the bedroom. On the entryway, Magnus kissed Alec slowly but deeply, taking his time as his hands traced Alec’s abs under the shirt he was wearing.

Magnus himself had a simple t-shirt on, it didn’t take much time to remove it. they kissed while making their way towards bed, hands tracing each other’s body. Alec laid on bed, hands already on his belt buckle when Magnus pecked him on the lips and went to fetch condom and lube.

“No need of condom” Alec panted, already working on his boxers. they haven’t had sex without protection after they got back, but both having regular checkups, it was safe going without it.  
Magnus went back with a bottle of lube, straddling Alec’s legs, he kissed Alec once more.

Alec groaned since he was having a real problem removing Magnus’s pants.  
“Easy” Magnus panted against his lips, he was hard and a bit uncomfortable in his pants. Keeping his hand on Alec’s chest Magnus stared intensely at Alec while removing his pants along with boxers. Alec’s gaze traced Magnus’s length, his hungry eyes taking in the naked form of Magnus, which left shivers through Magnus’s body.

Not wanting to keep his angel waiting, Magnus kissed him again this time forcing his tongue, fucking Alec’s mouth. Alec tried to response the kiss but after some time he gave up and let Magnus do whatever he wants.

Their hard and leaking members rubbed against one another, both groaning in syn as they got some friction  
Magnus moved his hand and too Alec’s member, stocking it. “Magnus-” Alec panted, Magnus then buried his face in Alec’ neck, kissing every inch of the skin, a bot harshly to leave mar.

he took his time, slowly stocking Alec’s dick while enjoying exploring body. Alec helplessly stayed there, enjoying Magnus taking care of him, he was desperate, Magnus can tell as Alec’s hand went down down until he squeezed Magnus’s ass, bringing their hips flush together.

Getting a clue, Magnus pulled a bit back, apply some lube on his fingers, he teased Alec’s hole, circling around the rim, Alec whined, Magnus smirked at him, he liked seeing Alec like this, in need, just for him.

He then added a finger inside Alec, a deep moan escaped Alec’s throat as he threw his head back, enjoying the sensations. He asked for more and more till Magnus had his three fingers indie him, stretching full for something bigger. Magnus continued working on the hole as he kissed Alec, parting their lips as their tongues explored together. “Please” Alec panted against their lips, his eyes were dilated with lust, hairs all ruined, lips were swollen, and Magnus was sure he looked the same.

“sure angel” Magnus replied before applying some of the lube on his member, stocking it lazily. He again teased Alec’s entrance, circling his dick around Alec’s hole but not quite entering yet, Alec glared at him, frustration all over his face. Magnus chuckled, kissing that frown away from Alec’s mouth. He kissed Alec roughly to distract from the initial pain when he finally entered inside Alec., he stilled for a moment giving Alec time for adjust while kissing his neck again.

Alec circled his legs around Magnus, giving him enough wide access to get as deep as possible. “mo-move” he panted ordering and who was Magnus to deny him anything, Magnus started to move, moving his hips slowly both moaning with pleaser. Alec cried when Magnus hit the sweet spot inside him, Magnus’s dick clenching around the heat of Alec’s tight ass.

“you feel so good, so beautiful” Magnus panted against their lips, Alec’s hands moved towards Magnus’s ass again trying to push him even deeper. Magnus groaned, pinning his hands above their heads. “harder Magnus” Magnus thrusted bit roughly trying to pleasure his boyfriend who seemed to enjoy it fully.

“I am gonaa -I’m close” Alec panted demanding a kiss from Magnus. on a particular deep and hard thrust Alec came, painting their chest, Magnus didn’t stop, thrusting with the same place he was seeking for his own release. After few more thrusts, he released inside Alec, filling him with his come. He stayed there for-a while, both panting trying to catch the breath. After a while Magnus pulled out, Alec hissing due to the sudden emptiness. Alec was looking tired and sleep.

“sleep alexander, I’ll here in a minute” Magnus whispered against Alec’s lips, Alec smiled while kissing them, short and sweet. His eyes were closed. “yeah, I love you, Magnus” Alec mumbled before drifting to the sleep.

Magnus froze their when he heard Alec saying this, they haven’t expressed or rather said ‘I love you’ after getting back, now that Alec has said this, he wasn’t sure if he meant it. He cleaned them both as Alec was fast asleep. Kissing Alec’s forehead, he pulled him close holding him by his waist. “I love you too, so much” Magnus whispered, quietly, hoping Alec heard it.  
\--  
Alec was woken up by the irritating sunrays which were interrupting his morning sleep, he groaned knowing his body was sore from their last nights activity, which reminds him, where is Magnus?

“Magnus?” he called for him, he was sure his was sounded sleepy and rapsy, he just needed their morning cuddles.

“Good morning” Magnus came up with the coffee mug, which he was glad of, but he didn’t want to get up just yet. “I hope you slept well, those snores were proof how peacefully you slept, for me, I’m not so sure” Alec rolled his eyes, Magnus will never let him live with the whole snore thing. All the irritation was gone when Magnus kissed him, just a peck.

“Mhhhhmhhh” Alec hummed, okay that was unnecessary, but he couldn’t contain his happiness. Magnus was his, again.

“Get in the bed and give me those cuddles” Magnus eyed the coffee, but Alec wasn’t having it, he held his hand out to pull Magnus in the bed again. “We will make it again, now come one”

“Fine” Magnus sighed, keeping coffee mug on the nightstand.  “just for ten minutes” Alec smiled, wide and happy, adjusting himself so Magnus could cuddle him, Magnus eyes him up, questioning look on his face.

“What?” Alec asked, getting a bit impatient.

“Really? I was spooning you yesterday morning as well” Alec pouted, giving Magnus his best puppy eyes. “yesterday I didn’t ask for it, now I’m” Alec resorted, which wasn’t his best reply, but Magnus agreed on it anyways, so it was a win win.

“Fine, here after, I’ll only cuddle you when you ask for it” he said holding Alec close, Alec closing his eyes with happiness.

“Then I have to be sure of asking you every time I’m in bed with you, or every time I’m in bed and you are no. that way you won’t be able to deny.” Magnus didn’t say anything, he just kissed a spot behind Alec’s neck nuzzling the skin there, humming happily.

They stayed there silent, for minute or so, until Alec opened his eyes wide awake, remembering his last words before he drifted to sleep.  He didn’t move, tried to focus, trying to remember if Magnus said something in return, but there was just darkness.

“I need to take a shower” he suddenly said, untangling himself from Magnus’s hold. Magnus looked confused, as Alec tried to avoid looking into his eyes.

“Alexander?” Magnus questioned, completely confused. Alec made his way towards the washroom, he can’t screw this up again, not again.

“I need to be at university by 10, can’t miss the second day” he rushed taking his cloths from the floor.

“I’ll make pancakes and coffee for you then” he heard Magnus saying, giving him thumbs up, he made his way in the bathroom.

He shut his eyes cleaning in the support of the wall, what if its too early and Magnus thinks this situation as something else, what if Magnus starts to doubt them again, what if-

Alec groaned, his head was killing with all the possibilities of what could happen. But Magnus was in good mood right, he will just completely ignore it.

He went in kitchen after shower, wearing the cloths Magnus has kept for him on the bed. Magnus was so considerable, he even thought about the little things Alec needed, how can’t anyone not love him, he is just so, arghh, focus Alec. You don’t want to screw this up by saying love poetry to him when you aren’t sure of anything.

“Pancakes?? The way you like it” Magnus came closer to hi, he surely has picked up on Alec’s sudden mood change, still he didn’t say anything, but kissed Alec on cheek then staring at Alec with those moon eyes. Alec was helpless when Magnus will look at him like that, like in the room full of arts, Alec was the only one he had eyes for, he stared back at Magnus. tracing every detail on his face.

“alxander” Magnus’s voice came so soft but like pleading and Alec knew he wasn’t getting out of the conversation he was desperately trying to avoid. “I want to talk to you about something, but lets eat out breakfast first, it’s getting cold.” Alec nodded.

They both ate breakfast in silence, Alec swallowing the pancake, which were delicious by the way, but he couldn’t think about anything but what was going on in Magnus’s head.

Getting impatient, he finally managed to have some “Magnus about last night, what I said, I-I” his voice betrayed him again, unable to say anything.

“Alec look at me” Magnus pulled a chair next to him, taking Alec’s hand in his own. “It’s okay, you didn’t say anything that was wrong, you would know it if you’ve heard my reply. You were just so tired and looking all cute while sleeping I wasn’t able to just wake you again, only to tell you how I feel” 

“Magnus what-” Magnus kissed him, full on mouth, Alec can taste the sweet coffee on his lips, sweet just like Magnus. Magnus kissed him breathless, taking his time, Alec tried to keep up with the kiss, he was confused, does this mean magus loves him back.

“I love you too, so much” Magnus whispered, holding him close with his hands cupping Alec’s face. Alec’s breath hitched, his mind running over the words Magnus just said.

“Magnus I-” Magnus didn’t let him say anything, instead kissing him to shut him up.

“just listen to me okay?” he asked, Alec just nodded, his eyes already filling with tears.  He pulled back, taking a box which was on the table all the time, Alec didn’t even notice it earlier. “Magnus what?”

“I’ve this since the day you came after completing your graduation, I just missed you so much while our time apart, that I wanted to propose you and keep you all for myself” Magnus chuckled, nervously, Alec’s heart was beating faster than he knew it was possible.

He breathed in and out slowly, trying to catch up with everything Magnus was saying “We talked about marriage, not ours but in general, on one of the dinner nights and how you said you weren’t ready and wanted to make your career first, I was sad, but I understood you completely. I was sure I will ask you when you were ready again, so I waited, but the occasion never came” Magnus’s own voice was cracking, but he was still smiling.

“then I made mistake, biggest of my life. I can’t promise you if we won’t fight in future at all, but what I can promise is ill be always honest with you, I’ll talk things out before they get out of hand.  I promise to have you by my side until you have me. I love you so much that I don’t want to spend a second apart from you. also, I totally understand if it’s too early for you, I just wanted you to know how much I love you. I’ll ask you when the time is right” Magnus started to pull back, probably to keep ring aside, but Alec tightened the hold on his hand

“ask me now” he said with shaky voice, trying his best to hold back the tears. Magnus observed him for good one-minute, lonest minute of Alec’s life if he is being serious.

“Alexander, will you marry me?” Magnus the asked, taking the ring out.

“Of course, yes, Magnus, always yes”

Magnus placed that ring on Alec’s ring finger before Alec was all pulling him on his lap and kissing him thoroughly.  
They both laughed, happy tears in their eyes.

Being together wasn’t going to be easy, nor they can promise about the future. But present is what they have which they can use to make a better future for them.

 


End file.
